


A Subtle Dagger

by knightswatch



Series: A Subtle Dagger [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alpha!Rin, Alpha!Sousuke, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Dry Humping, Fighting, Graphic Depictions of Duck Hate, Growing Up Together, Heat Cycles, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Somnophilia, Omegaverse, Scent Marking, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Burn, Verbal Abuse, alternating pov, omega!ai, self-injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-03-26 12:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3850798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightswatch/pseuds/knightswatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke is 7 years old the first time he meets Ai; crumpled on the ground with tears staining his pale cheeks and a scuffed knee because another boy pushed him over. Sousuke hesitates, staring down at the blood running off the side of his leg, trying to wipe tears away from his too-blue eyes and something unfamiliar rises up from the pit of his stomach and makes him punch the other boy in the nose and sit down next to Ai after he runs away to tell a teacher. Ai looks at him and sniffles before taking Sousuke's hand in his and using the other to scrub tears away. The teacher calls his mom in and they laugh about how he's sure to be an alpha with a reaction like that before scolding him not to hit again.</p><p>He sticks close to Ai after that, fostering the pale boy who he couldn't fight the urge to go out of his way to protect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one giant leap of faith

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally what I wrote for the second day of Soutori week, but I'm a weak and fickle creature so now I'm continuing. What's one more multi-chaptered angsty omegaverse fic on the pile.

Sousuke is 7 years old the first time he meets Ai; crumpled on the ground with tears staining his pale cheeks and a scuffed knee because another boy pushed him over. Sousuke hesitates, staring down at the blood running off the side of his leg, trying to wipe tears away from his too-blue eyes and something unfamiliar rises up from the pit of his stomach and makes him punch the other boy in the nose and sit down next to Ai after he runs away to tell a teacher. Ai looks at him and sniffles before taking Sousuke's hand in his and using the other to scrub tears away. The teacher calls his mom in and they laugh about how he's sure to be an alpha with a reaction like that before scolding him not to hit again.

He sticks close to Ai after that, fostering the pale boy who he couldn't fight the urge to go out of his way to protect. It doesn't bother him really, Ai was nice company even if he talked too much and always wanted Sousuke to hold his hand. He didn't throw tantrums or pick on Sousuke for being quiet or infrequent with his smiles. His parents start letting Ai come over after school and on weekends and Sousuke smiles just a little bit more often, if only to see the way it makes Ai's whole face light up when he does.

*

It's his last day of junior high and two months ago he presented as an alpha. It wasn't really a surprise, people had been telling him since he was a child that he was bound to be an alpha and he was already growing into the role. He was the tallest boy in his class and it feels like his shoulders are getting broader by the day, and they flex perfectly for swimming butterfly. The growth spurt makes him swim even faster and Sousuke is pleased with the changes to his body rather than annoyed by them. At least for the most part.

Ai catches him sitting down outside to have his lunch, draping his body over Sousuke's back with a whine, chin resting at the crook of his shoulder so his lips are a scant few inches away from Sousuke's ear. He doesn't flinch from the sudden contact, nor does he lift his head up. Ai always hangs off him, it isn't really a surprise. It is uncomfortable though, the way it makes his chest feel tight and his skin itch to have warmth pressed so close through his shirt.

"What am I gonna do when I'm all alone next year?" Ai pouts, his voice is soft as ever and Sousuke can hear the way his smile crinkles the corners of his eyes and he can't help but frown down at his food, glad Ai can't see it. He has a grumpy face, sometimes people tease him for it. 

"It's not like I'll be far away," he reasons, shifting his shoulder so he can actually look at Ai while he talks. It's probably a mistake; since he presented having Ai so close to him makes his heart hammer and his hands feel clumsy. It's stupid, Ai has been his best friend for years and there's no reason he should feel so uncomfortable with the contact. He fell asleep with his head on Sousuke's lap two days ago when the swim team took a trip for a meet in a different part of the prefecture, his body small enough that he could curl his legs up in the seat and fit perfectly. He doesn't like the idea of leaving Ai behind; the elementary school and junior high share a building so they had basically been together since meeting despite the difference in age. "Besides, we live close by."

It makes him nervous, even if he's currently trying to reason with Ai that it's not a big deal. He breathes in deeply as if he's going to sigh then blinks his eyes. Something smells... different and he's fairly sure it's Ai. He could smell Ai a little since he presented but he never really smelled like anything. Now there's the barest smell of freshly baked cookies and cinnamon tickling against Sousuke's nose and he loses his train of thought entirely.

He tries breathing in through his mouth to see it helps clear his head out and it's only worse because now he can taste that smell on his tongue and he has to look away from Ai back down at his lunch. Ai shrugs his shoulders and undrapes himself from Sousuke's back to sit next to him, close enough that their legs touch. He says something else that Sousuke can't quite catch because his mind is screaming at him to press his face right into Ai's neck and breathe that scent in and never move again. He's drawn away from the thought when Ai pokes his temple gently.

"Did you hear me Sousuke-chan?" He asks with a laugh as Sousuke shakes his head. He kicks his legs out in front of him, legs smooth and unbroken in his shorts, socks pulled up over his calves. "I said I think it probably won't be so bad, I'll be alright by myself. You and Rin-chan are going to the same school right?"

Sousuke nods, slumping just a little so his shoulder brushes against Ai's. The winds shifted and he can't smell him anymore and it makes Sousuke wonder if Ai's starting to present as a beta. His mom had said that beta's usually presented pretty easily since there were no big changes other than their scent glands maturing. She had also told them both that beta's usually had a mild scent like both of Ai's parents. The scent Sousuke had caught off of Ai was not mild. His nerves were back in full force and this time he did sigh. "You won't be by yourself, don't be dramatic."

Ai laughs at that, shaking his head and giving Sousuke's shoulder a gentle nudge, breaking a cookie from his lunch in half and giving the bigger piece over to Sousuke. "You know what I mean! Rei-kun and Nagisa-kun don't count the same way you do."

"That's because I don't let anyone pick on you," he smiles a little himself, blushing just a little at the cookie before eating it. He says it to tease, even if it's partially true. Ai was an attractive target to bullies, he always had been. He had girly good looks and cried a little too easy, he was terminally skinny and even if he swam just as fiercely as Sousuke he didn't pack on muscle the same way. Ai's cheeks flush a little before he shakes his head, dropping it to lay on Sousuke's shoulder with a shy smile.

"It's because you're my best friend, dummy," he didn't comment on being picked on. Sousuke wasn't surprised, he never said anything about it anyways. He caught just a hint of Ai's scent again and was caught between leaning closer and trying to get away. He was saved by Rin who looked at Ai with a kind of surprised face, blinking at him before smiling bright and wicked. 

"You smell weird today," he laughs as Ai's cheeks flush just a little, taking the last bit of bench on his other side. Rin had only presented a week ago, pretending he didn't cry when Sousuke was an alpha before him. Now he was nudging himself close to Ai's other side, forcing Ai to shift closer to Sousuke who couldn't help the way he froze. Ai looked between them, blinking and lifting his wrist and sniffing at it with a raised eyebrow.

"I can't tell," he grumbles softly, blinking and lifting his arm towards Sousuke's face. Sousuke blushes crimson, leaning back quickly from his wrist. He doesn't mean to and he curses himself for the way it makes Ai's face fall tragically. “Is it that bad?”

“I don't think so,” Rin offers, raising an eyebrow at Sousuke's weirdness. Ai blinks, sniffing at his own skin again before his teeth worry the swell of his bottom lip.

“Maybe I should go down to see the nurse. I might be getting sick; I had a fever this morning,” he continues nibbling at his lip as he thinks, teeth digging white indents in the petal pink flesh. It makes Sousuke's skin itch to watch so he looks away and shrugs before starting to pack his picked at food away.

“I'll walk with you,” he offers offhandedly, letting Ai's pleased expression wash him back into smiling. He would have done it even if the idea of sending Ai off alone smelling delicious and feeling feverish didn't make his heart beat speed up. 

He doesn't carry Ai's bag on the way there, though he does think about offering. Instead he leans against the wall while the nurse sticks a thermometor in his mouth and crosses his arms over his chest when she sniffs at his arm as well. Her lips purse together before she steps away from the small cot, excusing herself to make a phone call. Ai looks at Sousuke, shifting the glass under his tongue so he can speak.

"Do I really smell bad?" He asks, sounding a little shy again. Sousuke sighs before shaking his head and holding a hand out. Ai lifts his arm up again and seems inordinately pleased to have Sousuke sniff at the small gland under his skin. His mouth nearly waters at the smell and he just shrugs his shoulders and looks away.

"It's not bad," he confirms, looking down at Ai's curious expression with his lips tilted upwards. "You smell like cookies."

Ai giggles at that, looking up as the nurse brushes back in to check his temperature before tutting her tongue and looking up at Sousuke with a conflicted expression. "You can head to class now Yamazaki-kun."

He blinks, glancing at Ai again and hesitating. It's not that he's worried anything is particularly wrong with him, he just... Something inside him makes him not want to leave. The nurse gives him a gentle nudge and an encouraging smile.

"Aiichirou-kun is fine, I just need to speak with him privately," she nods her head at the door and Sousuke slinks out with a sigh, glaring as it closes behind him and making his way to class with a deep frown. 

Ai isn't waiting around the pool when he finishes class like Sousuke expects him to be. Even if practice is over for the year, it's their unofficial meeting place so they can walk home together. Sousuke waits almost half an hour before walking home by himself, every footstep heavy and grim. It's not the first time he's gone home by himself, and Ai did think he was getting sick so his dad had probably just come and picked him up rather than making him walk. He follows the branch that leads away from his house, knocking on the door to Ai's and shuffling his foot against the ground.

It's Ai's father that answers, pushing touslled silver hair out of his face with one wiry hand. He looks surprised to see Sousuke standing there and he pulls the door most of the way shut behind him before breaking into an uneasy smile. "Sousuke-kun! Aiichirou isn't feeling well so I gave him a ride home."

"I figured, I just wanted to check on him. Is everything okay?" He pushes his hands into his pockets, not bothering to mask his concerned tone. Ai's parents don't tease him for being worried so he doesn't pretend that he's not. Ai's father shifts a little and it makes the door pull forward further. Air comes rushing out of the house with it and Sousuke is smacked in the face by the most delicious thing he's ever smelled in his life. It's the same as the hints that drifted off of Ai's skin earlier in the day but magnified until it makes Sousuke want to shove the lanky beta out of his way and hunt the source of it down. He growls from deep in his chest, taking a step forward and blinking when the door clicks shut all the way. He blinks, the smell clearing out of his brain for a second, leaving him feeling confused. "S-sorry Nitori-san."

"That's alright," he sounds a little more nervous than before. "I'll make sure he calls you once he's feeling well again, okay? I'm sorry you can't come in and see him today."

Sousuke nods a little numbly, his eyes still fixed on the door. He's a little desperate to get inside, but the steely look from Ai's father is already making it clear that that's not going to happen unless he does something stupid. Instead Sousuke bows his head politely, turning and walking the rest of the way home in a glum silence.

He doesn't hear from Ai at all for the rest of the week, nor does he see him at the graduation ceremony. His parents are there and they cheer with his own when he gets his diploma but they leave before he can actually ask them if Ai is feeling better. 

It's another three days into break until his phone rings with a call from Ai, and Sousuke picks it up embarrassingly quickly. It had become increasingly impossible not to worry though he hadn't gone over to the Nitori house again he'd texted Ai every day to try and get some kind of update.

"Sou-chan!" He squeaks into the phone and Sousuke can't even get made about the childish nickname right away. He sounds like his throat must have been sore, his sweetness tempered by a rough note to his voice. "I'm sorry I didn't get to come see you graduate."

"It was a boring ceremony anyway," he chuckles, leaning back on his bed and feeling like he can actually breathe again for the first time in days. "Are you still sick?"

"Ah- no. I'm fine now. It it okay if I come over?" He sounds a little nervous and Sousuke hums softly.

"Sure. I can walk over there if you want," he offers, raising an eyebrow as Ai squeaks a little.

"N-no! I wanna come over and see you. I'll be right there okay?" He hangs up before Sousuke can give hin an answer and the same tight worried feeling creeps back into his chest. He hopes this isn't how high school is going to be, all the fretting makes him feel drained and he could put more energy into swimming if he had it. He didn't like feeling like he had to worry about Ai all the time, even if he couldn't stop himself from doing it. It takes Ai less than ten minutes before he's knocking on the front door and smiling up at Sousuke as bright as ever.

"I missed you!" He chirps, throwing his arms around Sousuke's sides as soon as he's inside the house, trying to take his shoes off and hug at the same time. Sousuke rolls his eyes and wraps a hand around his back with an agreeing hum, shoving the door shut with his elbow. He likes that Ai is always straightforward with his feelings and easy with his affection, it's always saved Sousuke from trying to figure out what he's supposed to say. Once the door is shut the scent hits him full force and his mouth goes dry. It wasn't as bad as it had been wafting out of the Nitori house, but now it's wrapped entirely around Sousuke and he can't escape from it due to a lucky change in wind. Ai lets go of him, tracing the familiar path to Sousuke's room in his kitty patterned socks. Sousuke trails after him, helpless to do anything else.

"S-so you were sick for awhile," he observes once Ai is settled on the floor with his back leaning against the bed. He grabs one of Sousuke's pillows and hugs it against his chest as he nods, laying his chin on top of it.

"I was in heat," his cheeks are pink when he says it, refusing to actually make eye contact. Sousuke blinks at that, sitting on the bed and staring down at the top of his head, trying to formulate something to say. Being in heat would make Ai an omega, not a beta like both of his parents. Meaning that Sousuke had caught the smell of his heat from the house when he had stopped by. The thought makes him shiver and drag his tongue across his lips before he can speak.

"You presented?" He manages, stating the obvious. Ai looks up at him with a nod, cheeks flushed further. He laughs a little, looking at the tv again even though it's not even on.

"Yeah. The nurse had to explain it to my dad because neither of them could recognize it and they sent me home," he shakes his head, hugging Sousuke's pillow closer and nuzzling his face against it. He realizes belatedly that Ai is scenting it, probably because it already smells like Sousuke. It's not an odd thing to do, given how close they are, but it's new and Sousuke isn't sure how he feels about any of this news. He hadn't ever thought of Ai being an omega, it never sounded like a possibility.

"You're gonna be short forever," he manages after a long minute, laughing to himself. Ai had been talking for years about hitting a growth spurt and being as tall and strong as Sousuke. He was a little glad, he liked Ai being small and cute like he was. Even if it was probably strange to be thinking of his best friend as cute. Ai rolls his eyes and throws the pillow he's holding at Sousuke's head.

"Shut up! I could still grow," he pouts, but the corners of his lips are turned upwards and he seems glad. He hugs his knees up to his chest instead, laying his chin on them. "I'm glad you're still a giant jerk. I was worried about telling you."

Sousuke blinks, resisting the urge to press his own face into the pillow before shrugging his shoulders and nudging his ankle against Ai's shoulder instead. "Why would you worry about something like that?"

"My mom said it'll change our relationship, and enough things are already changing already," he looks up now and his eyes are apprehensive, like he's not sure if he's allowed to say what he's thinking. He presses forward anyway, hugging his legs tighter. "I don't wanna stop being your best friend because of something like that."

Sousuke does his best not to blush, dropping so he's sitting on the floor next to Ai, picking up one of the controllers on the floor and rolling his eyes a little. "Don't be stupid."

They play games until it's clear that Ai's grown bored with them and Sousuke puts on a movie that Ai insists he wants to see and ends up sleeping through most of with his head pillowed against Sousuke's shoulder.

He's still yawning and rubbing at his eyes when he decides to walk home, giving Sousuke a fuzzy smile and ignoring the alpha arguing that he shouldn't go alone. Sousuke collapses back into bed after he sends a text saying he's home safe, hugging the pillow that Ai had scented against his head and closing his eyes.  
He nuzzles his face closer to the pillow and smiles before his eyes blink open once more. Ai was going to be all alone next year as an omega. He groaned, glaring at the pillow and tossing it away from himself like it hat betrayed him. As if he weren't worried enough. They were never really apart at school, even if Sousuke was a year older and generally only actually saw Ai during lunch and swim club. People knew that they couldn't pick on him without Sousuke knowing and doing something about it, and that alone had served as a bulwark. 

People who were stupid enough to think he was all bark and no bite had been sorely mistaken in the past, and just thinking about it now made him want to bash his fist into the wall. 

*

It's a month into his first year of high school before that nagging worry becomes an actual problem. Ai calls Sousuke, his breath ragged and voice an octave higher than it's supposed to be.

"I-I know this is stupid but um, can you come walk home with me?" He says it too fast and Sousuke hesitates for a moment, trying to piece the sentence together in his head. "P-please Sou-chan, just this once?"

If he wasn't already going to say yes that would have decided for him. Ai rarely called him that and it was usually just to comfort himself. Sousuke hummed against the phone, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"It'll take me a little bit to get there, are you gonna be okay?" His voice is wary when he asks because if something is wrong Ai won't actually say anything about it. Just smile wider and tighter and playfully insult him for all his worrying. Instead, there's the sound of sniffling from the other side of the line.

"Y-yeah. I just.. hurry?" He sounds strained and Sousuke is already slinging his bag over his shoulder and taking off at a jog.

"I'm on my way. If Ryugazaki-kun hasn't left yet make him wait with you," he instructed, listening to Ai talk to Rei with the phone most likely pressed against his chest. Nagisa was probably better company, but Rei's dorky awkwardness would be far less inviting.

"Okay, I'll see you when you get here Sou," his voice is soft and heavy and Sousuke hangs up with his heart hammering far faster than it does for a jog.

Ai is sitting alone on the steps of the pool building when he gets there, eyes puffy and no dorky Megane kid in sight. He simply plops down on the step next to Ai, letting the omega lean his head on his shoulder with a frown. He hesitates before lifting an arm to rub circles on his back.

"I didn't think you'd be here alone," he's trying to steady his breathing before he talks; he'd run most of the way and it had still taken him almost twenty minutes. Ai blinks softly, sagging more of his weight on Sousuke's side and shaking his head.

"Sorry," he mumbles, crossing his arms to cover his stomach with a little frown. "We should go before it gets dark."

Sousuke sighs, lifting his hand away and letting Ai stand before he does. He stumbles as he finds his feet, one hand clutching at his stomach and Sousuke has to fight the urge to pull his shirt up to see whatever he's trying so hard to hide. He can already tell it hurts, tears spring back into Ai's eyes before he snaps his head to the side, leaning to grab his bag.

Sousuke snatches it before he has to bend too far, shaking his head with an annoyed grunt under his breath. Ai frowns at him this time and the walk to his house takes longer than it should usually and by the time they're standing on the porch it actually is dark outside. Ai holds a hand out for his bag and Sousuke just rolls his eyes and pushes the door open.

"Not going home until you tell me what happened," he snaps, kicking his shoes off in the entryway and calling a rushed 'pardon the intrusion'. No one answers and Sousuke narrows his eyes down at the omega before leading him to the couch rather than up the stairs to his room. He sucks in a breath as he sits down, shoulders cringing inwards. "Show me."

"It's not that bad," Ai shakes his head, gripping the bottom of his shirt stubbornly but slumping forward. Sousuke actually growls at that, crossing his arms and refusing to sit down, dropping Ai's bag somewhere behind him.

"I don't understand why you try and protect people who hurt you," he snaps, hands clenching into fists. Ai shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head, doing anything he can not to look Sousuke in the eyes. Without pausing to think he growls again, dropping to the couch and making a conscious effort to release pheromones into the air. "Ai, show me what's wrong."

It's a command and for a second Ai's jaw goes a little slack as he takes in the scent, eyes a little cloudy as he pulls his shirt up over his chest. He turns halfway with a little whine and the blood in Sousuke's veins feels white hot. The bruises on his side are mostly faded but dark enough that they clearly still hurt, the only fresh one is low and close to his hip, shaped in a way that looks suspiciously like a handprint. His eyes skim over the bruising to the words scrawled in black sharpie over the pale skin of his stomach.

He manages to make it halfway through 'better off dead' before his vision blurs strangely and he gives Ai's hand a nudge. He pulls his shirt down silently, looking straight ahead rather than at Sousuke, biting his lip so hard that it probably hurts. He's silent for longer than he wants to be after realizing blurring in his eyes were tears, scrubbing his palms against his eyes until he sees nothing but white and dropping them back to his legs.

"This is not the first problem you've had," it's not a question the way he says it, but Ai shakes his head meekly instead. He sighs, reaching an arm out and letting Ai curl up against his chest with a whine. He doesn't ask who because he knows Ai won't say if he's been hiding something this bad and he won't command him into doing anything else. He doesn't know what to say, letting his hand balance feather-light on Ai's back and shaking his head, anger and hurt bubbling in his gut.

Ai hid even after they had hurt him the first time. Sousuke shuts his eyes again and tries to breathe evenly, the sound of it coming out harsh and ragged. He waits until he's certain he won't start crying again before tapping the back of Ai's head gently. "C'mon, I'll help you clean up."

Ai blinks at him in confusion for a second before nodding and sitting up slowly, his movements still stiff as he walks up the stairs to the bathroom. He pulls his shirt off and sits on the edge of the bath while Sousuke digs out a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a cloth, hands shaking as he turns back around.

He's methodical in cleaning all the marker off, flinching as his eyes rake over each once and careful to avoid the bruising whenever he can. He's still shaking in the end, dipping his head forward to rest against Ai's leg and huffing out a sigh that comes out strange and strangled. There's dirt staining his slacks that he can see with his head balanced there, Ai's fingers lifting to stroke through his hair. He hates that it feels soothing, gritting his teeth together harder even as his eyes fall closed.

"Tell me what you want me to do," he says finally, staying with his head bowed to rest against Ai's leg. The posture almost makes him laugh, he'd had to kneel on the floor to actually be able to clean his chest comfortably and now he feels like he's bowing for royalty.

It fits, he considers bitterly, he'd be a knight for Ai the second the omega asked.


	2. it's hard to walk when you can't even crawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ai grimaces as he looks at his best friend, slumping forward and digging his nails into the soft skin at the inside of his elbow. He opens his mouth like he wants to argue but instead clicks it shut and shakes his head. “It's not a big deal.”
> 
> “Bullshit it isn't. They fucking hurt you,” The alpha's voice is on fire, tensed like just saying the same result all over again. He sighs, dropping his head back against Ai's thigh and trying to haul a deep breath into his lungs. "You don't have to tell me who, I just... I can't sit around and let someone kick your ass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is tagged for Self-Injury and that starts in this chapter though it's not graphic. When/if I do more than allude to it I'll make sure to put a warning at the beginning.

_Useless._ Ai shuffles a little as he gets ready slowly for swim practice, glancing at the almost entirely healed bruising on his side. The words that had been scrawled on his skin were gone, but Ai can still feel them as if they had been burnt and branded into him. He rubs a little at his other side, shooting a smile as he catches the concerned glance that Rei tries to hide by adjusting his glasses. He'd told the coach that he had fallen out of bed and managed to hurt himself though he was certain no one on the team actually believed the story.

He looks away from Rei and back to the locker, closing his eyes for just a second and inhaling a deep breath. He should call Sousuke back, he knows, it'd been four days since he'd called the alpha in a panic after being jumped on his way out of practice and he could still feel the burn of Sousuke's gaze behind his eyes. The alpha had called him every day, just once usually in the evenings, presumably in an effort to check on him. Ai had never answered, staring glumly at his phone and allowing it to ring itself out before turning back to homework. Sometimes Sousuke's calls caught him in these moments of introspection and he almost wanted to hurl his phone away.

It wasn't as if he could blame his best friend for being worried, but he had no plan to explain the situation to him either. He'd asked Ai what he should do and Ai had only smiled tightly and shaken his head, told him not to do anything. He rubs a hand across the center of his stomach and cringes. There's no real pain there, just the phantom memory of it. He slams the locker shut before he can cave and call Sousuke again; he'll do it once he gets home and he's in far less danger of crying.

*

He gets home after dark to an empty house. It's not a surprise, his mother is working overseas and right now his father has evening shifts at the hospital where he works as a nurse. He doesn't mind the emptiness, trudging inside and flipping the lock shut behind himself. He moves on autopilot, not bothering with the lights until he reaches the kitchen to warm up whatever is leftover in the fridge. His phone starts ringing after he puts the food in the microwave and he answers it without glancing at the screen, forcing a smile onto his face.

"Sou-chan!" His voice is a little too loud and he takes a soft breath. It could easily be mistaken for excitement so he presses on with it slightly softer. "Do you wanna come over tonight? Dad's gone, but I have stirfry."

Sousuke is quiet for a moment longer than usual and Ai can feel his gaze prodding curiously at his mood like Sousuke was standing there staring at him already. "Don't call me that. Do you want me to stay over with you?"

There's something wary about the way he asks and Ai recalls that they haven't had an actual sleepover since he'd presented. It was probably forward, inviting an alpha to sleep in the house with him when he knew his father wouldn't be home until early in the morning. He doesn't waste time dwelling on it, finding that during his idle thinking his fingers have started tracing words against his chest again. _Die_. He blinks and pushes his smile back into place. "Of course! We can stay up late and watch some movies if you want."

The alpha hums softly on the other end, a habit he's picked up to try and signal that he's thinking. Ai smiles a little at it, glad for his attempts to be a little more expressive. It wasn't that Sousuke didn't have feelings, Ai was well aware that the alpha was surprisingly sensitive and attuned to his friends feelings, he just struggled to express himself in return. "Alright, warm me up some stirfry and I'll be right over."

"Already on it Sou!" He chirps, deciding to leave off the -chan this time because really it only annoys Sousuke. Sousuke hangs up after that and Ai wonders if they were fighting. Sousuke hadn't argued with him when he'd asked him to do nothing, just stared with hard eyes and a tight jaw. He didn't nod either, which Ai figures is probably entirely intentional. It doesn't matter, as long as Sousuke doesn't have a face to attach to his anger there isn't much he can do. Ai frowns a little at himself, wandering back to the door and unlocking it this time, flicking the light in the living room on.

It's not that he has some desire to continue being bullied, but Sousuke's been in enough trouble for his protective streak before. Samezuka has a low tolerance policy on fighting, especially with the alpha's and Ai is well aware that if Sousuke has a target for this he'll go find the fight himself. Part of Ai has always been grateful for that attitude, even if it didn't entirely prevent people from picking on him. He frowns harder, pulling himself up on the kitchen counter and wringing his hands in his shirt.

He's still staring at the floor with a hard frown when Sousuke knocks twice before simply letting himself in the front door. Ai jerks a little in surprise, looking up at the microwave and blinking at the minutes that had ticked by on the clock. He's been having strangely distracted moments like this lately, sitting for long stretches of time and finding he's not even sure what he was really considering so hard. Instead, he waves at Sousuke as he walks into the kitchen, kicking his feet gently back and forth.

"I didn't drag you away from homework or anything, right?" He giggles, leaning back on his palms and smiling as Sousuke pulls the food out of the microwave and raises an eyebrow like he's expecting Ai to have his own already. He waves a hand dismissively, tilting his head. "I ate before you called."

He hadn't, but he also wasn't hungry enough to want to eat something now. Sousuke's eyes narrow just a little before he nods and breaks into a small smile. "No, I wasn't studying or anything. I brought some reading though."

"Movies first, boring stuff tomorrow," Ai bounces off the counter with a giggle, listening to Sousuke's heavy steps trail behind him and settle by the couch while he digs through the collection of DVD's stored in a basket under the tv. He settles on an animated film they've both seen before, but he knows Sousuke actually likes. The familiar opening music makes him smile and not quite notice how Ai settles just a little further away than normal.

"You should've let me call Rin if this is what you wanna watch," he chuckles, glancing over and seeming to then notice the distance. He doesn't say anything about it, eating quietly as he watches and steals glances over at Ai. The omega struggles far more to watch the movie, instead staring down at his arm and picking little pinches of skin here and there. Sousuke's quiet isn't out of the ordinary but Ai's is. He can't remember the last time they sat down to watch this particular film without talking through most of it.

It should be nice, but it's not really. Ai's skin feels like it is about to burst from the pressure bubbling inside of him, emotions roiling uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. There are things he should tell his best friend, past the list of names he's hoping to hear. His voice dies in his throat instead, looking between his own skin and the glowing screen of the tv.

How does he actually explain that the bullying is far easier to stomach now that he's realized he agrees with them to begin with? It's not the kind of thing that Sousuke would enjoy discussing, and Ai doesn't want to watch the cold burn of anger fill his face again.

"How have your practices been going?" He asks instead, fingers pinching tightly at the inside of his elbow. It's hidden by the was he has his arms tucked together, but the sharp pain eases the pressure inside of his head at least a little. Sousuke looks a little surprised at the question, shrugging and stretching his legs out so they're almost touching. He wants to crawl across the couch and drape himself over Sousuke's chest in the way he used to but hasn't since he presented. His mother had been clear that he should always try and give Sousuke a little more personal space because sometimes it was hard to tell how an alpha might react to thinks.

It sounded stupid, because of course he knew how Sousuke would react. Presenting didn't suddenly make him some stranger. But he receded from Sousuke's space gradually, withdrawing from hugging him or cuddling up against him or casually draping his arms around Sousuke's shoulders when he sat down. He didn't shrink away now, instead wiggling his feet forward and tucking his toes under Sousuke's leg with a little smile.

"It's been good, Rin got me to sign up for his stupid relay again. We'll have to see if we both make it on the team though," Sousuke shrugs and rolls his eyes as if swimming with Rin is some kind of a chore for him. Ai nods a little weakly, digging his nails harder into his skin. He'd always wanted to join them in the medley but had never been able to swim quickly enough to beat Nagisa for the spot. He was on the team with him now, taking the freestyle spot that had belonged to Rin the year before. Rei had taken Sousuke's and was constantly comparing himself to the alpha's times from the year before. "He's so busy fighting with Nanase all the time I doubt he'll notice."

Ai giggles just a little at this, wiggling his toes under Sousuke's leg in a way that makes him wrinkle his nose at the strange feeling. He releases the pressure on his arm subtly, tilting his head to lean it against the back of the couch. "I haven't heard from Rin in awhile, Gou-san said he's pretty busy."

"He keeps telling me he's going to ask you out," Sousuke grumbles then flushes just a little as he looks up, rubbing the back of his neck. "Which was actually supposed to be a secret."

"M-me?" Ai blinks furiously, face going bright red. Sousuke nods a little dumbly, leaning his shoulders back on the arm of the couch with a sigh.

"He said that when we were kids he promised to mate you if you were an omega," Sousuke sounds a little annoyed saying it, tilting his head to stare at the ceiling with a huff. He shakes his head with a laugh. "I told him he has to get a date with you first."

“Oh please, like he'd actually want to ask me out,” Ai means for the words to come out light and airy, waving a hand as he laughs softly. Instead, there's a bitterness in the sweet lilt of his voice, his laugh a single hard note that makes Sousuke frown at him.

“Why wouldn't he?” Sousuke's voice is almost a snap, raising an eyebrow and sitting up a little. Ai cringes just a little, shrugging his shoulders with a weak smile.

“Well, I don't think I'd be Rin-senpai's type really. I'd think he'd want a date who was athletic and cute, probably with a lot of energy knowing him,” Ai shrugs a little, tilting his head at the mix of incredulity and annoyance on Sousuke's face. He hesitates for a second before continuing. “I'm not really made of the same kind of stuff that he is.”

Sousuke knots his jaw tighter and turns back towards the film in a stony silence that Ai isn't sure he really understands. He's surprised when Sousuke shifts from laying on the other side of the couch, turning himself so his head is pillowed on the swell of Ai's hip instead. It's not unusual for them to lay like this though Sousuke rarely takes any initiative when it comes to cuddling.

Still, his hand moves away from the bruise he's pinched into his arm to card through Sousuke's short hair instead, listening to his comfortable hum as he twirls the strands around his fingers.

“You can do better than Rin anyway. He's a crybaby,” Sousuke's smirking as he says it and Ai decides to give him the joke rather than protesting that it's the other way around. They go back to being quiet, though it's more companionable than before, and Ai is a little surprised when Sousuke is still awake when the credits start; usually the persistent massaging of fingers in his hair is enough to encourage him to doze off.

“Did you have any more problems?” The room is too dark to see his face, the only light coming from the credits sliding up the screen at a hurried pace. Ai shrugs anyway, his fingers stopping.

“I don't wanna talk about it Sou,” he says, know it all but confirms what Sousuke is asking. It's better than lying to him, even if it's not by much. Sousuke grunts, shaking his head and sitting up a little, just enough to look at Ai's face illuminated by the flickering of the tv.

“I don't get it,” Sousuke's voice jumps to a snap, his shoulders tensing. “You won't tell me who it is, you won't tell me what's happening. I sure as shit know that's not the first time you've had a problem this year.”

Ai grimaces as he looks at his best friend, slumping forward and digging his nails into the soft skin at the inside of his elbow. He opens his mouth like he wants to argue but instead clicks it shut and shakes his head. “It's not a big deal.”

“Bullshit it isn't. They fucking _hurt_ you,” The alpha's voice is on fire, tensed like just saying the same result all over again. He sighs, dropping his head back against Ai's thigh and trying to haul a deep breath into his lungs. "You don't have to tell me who, I just... I can't sit around and let someone kick your ass."

"It's not your responsibility Sou," he mumbles but doesn't pull his leg away. He pulls his fingers away from his arm and gives Sousuke's hair another stroke, shaking his head. "It's not your job to babysit me."

"It's not babysitting," his voice is on the edge of tipping back into anger, Ai keeps stroking his hair in a way that's always helped to soothe it away before. "And it doesn't have shit to do with you being an omega, you could be twice the size of me and I'd still knock someone's head off for looking at you funny."

"If I were twice the size of you everyone would look at me funny," he giggles softly, the pad of his thumb skimming around the shell of Sousuke's ear. He doesn't quite close his eyes, but the tiny gesture does make his heart thrum faster in his chest. "But I'm telling you don't have to keep doing all that. It gets you in trouble."

"Like I care about that," he nuzzles Ai's thigh just a little, closing his eyes this time and huffing. "You're still not gonna tell me are you?"

"It'll be okay," he says rather than answering, frowning at Sousuke's suffered out sigh but shaking his head. There's something else he wants to say, Ai can see it on his face but his phone warbles cheerily from his pocket and he sits up to dig it out, glaring at the screen. He pushes so he's sitting up with a sigh, opening the screen to answer it.

"What's up Rin?" He leans away as he listens to whatever the other alpha has to say, rolling his eyes but raising an eyebrow as Ai stands, picking his way around the other side of the couch and trailing further into the house, mouthing 'bathroom' down at Sousuke. He breathes shallowly as the door clicks shut behind him, grimacing down at the bruise on the inside of his arm, the spot where the marks of his nails haven't quite faded yet. That same pressured feeling is back, threatening to crack him open from the inside out. He splashes water on his face, listening carefully to the low hum of Sousuke's voice from the other room.

He presses his thumb flat into the bruise, the dull throb of his skin lost in the building sensation of weight pushing from his stomach into his limbs. He sinks down onto the floor, shutting his eyes and trying hard not to think of the way Sousuke spat the word 'hurt' out. He shifts a little, pressing a hand to where his side had been bruised before squeezing his fingers brutally tight around the spot. Tears spring into his eyes and he rapidly blinks them away, holding the grip until it feels like he's actually managed to ease some of the hurt torrenting inside his stomach.

He picks himself back up, wiping tears away from his cheeks and splashing his face once more to disguise any redness on his cheeks or around his eyes. Satisfied, Ai makes his way out just before Sousuke finishes bickering with Rin, looking up at him and raising an eyebrow.

"Do you wanna go to a movie with this idiot tomorrow?" He tries to sound annoyed by the offer, but there's a smile in his eyes when Ai nods. He turns back to the conversation, actually smiling when Ai lays with his head in the alpha's lap.

"Yeah, we'll go with ya. I'm not seeing a stupid chick flick though Rin," he grins a little, his hand dropping to rub over Ai's shoulder without seeming to think about it. He hums to something that Rin says before hanging up and rolling his eyes. He glances down at Ai with a grin. "I hope you're not actually his type, he's an ass."

"He likes to spend time with you, so he probably has the patience of a saint," Ai teases back seamlessly, grinning and lifting his head away from Sousuke and pointing at the tv. "Pick another movie!"

"You're gonna fall asleep," Sousuke grumbles but complies anyway, pawing through the movies for what seems like an inordinately long time. He settles on an action movie, a British one that Rin had brought over at some point and entirely forgotten. It takes Sousuke extra fiddling to actually set up the subtitles before he settles again. Rather than letting Ai lay against his lap he pulls the omega up so his head is against his chest, draping an arm lazily down the line of his back.

It's familiar and comfortable and Ai closes his eyes for a second as he realizes that he can smell Sousuke much more strongly laying like this. It doesn't bother him in the least, he smells like a breeze over the ocean with just a tinge of chlorine from swimming. It's comforting, and as predicted Ai dozes off like that.

When Ai wakes up it's much later, curled up in his bed with Sousuke on the floor a few feet away breathing deeply and even. That same horrible pressure is there in his head, making it pound like it's about to crack apart and he pulls himself out of the bed with a whimper. He tumbles back to the bathroom, pressing one hand against his temple in an attempt to keep his head from splitting down the middle. Once he has the door shut behind him he looks around in a sort of bewildered daze, trying to squeeze at his side in attempt to relieve the pressure. It fails him and in the end he stumbles back to bed still a little dizzy, pulling his shorts back up over the razor thin slices on his left thigh. He can still feel them once he lays down, burning just a little under the bandages stuck over them to absorb the flow of blood, and it's easy to tumble back into sleep.

When he wakes up again it's morning and it's to his father leaning over him with a crease of worry in his brow, scrubs still hanging off his frame. He smiles when Ai opens his eyes, standing to give him room to sit up in bed and nodding at Sousuke still sleeping on the futon that's more his than it is Ai's.

"Sousuke-kun spent the night with you?" He keeps his voice hushed even though Sousuke sleeps like the dead. Ai nods, rubbing the remainder of sleep from his eyes and yawning widely.

"Yeah. We're gonna study and go catch a movie with Rin-senpai today," he stretches his back out and only then notices the furrow of concern hasn't left his father's face. "I-is that okay?"

He's not used to having to ask to do anything with Sousuke. They'be been friends for so long it's basically been the assumption that they'll be doing something or other together on the weekends and honestly he can't be worried that Ai has already planned for studying.

"Ah, no that's fine. But you can't have sleepovers like this without me home," he rubs the back of his neck and glances once again at Sousuke, hesitating. "Not just with Sousuke-kun, with any alpha."

Ai blinks as he tries to process the words before blushing just a little and shaking his head. "Me and Sousuke aren't like that, Dad."

Like it should need any explaining. Still Mitsuo shakes his head, sitting on the edge of the bed with a heavy sigh. "I know. But that- it's not always safe to do that. So while I'm working you'll have to make sure he goes home... Or you can go over to Sousuke-kun's if his mom is home."

Ai shakes his head, furrowing his brows in a perfect mirror of his father's expression and snorting a little. "Of course it's safe. It's Sousuke! There's probably nothing safer in the world than he is. He won't even jaywalk."

He's aware that's not what's meant by 'safe' but really the concept that Sousuke is going to snap or have some kind of alpha breakdown over the fact that Ai is an omega now is ridiculous enough that it only deserves an answer to match. Ai's mind flashes to the feeling of having Sousuke actually issue a command for a brief second, but he shakes that away too. Ai had scared him by refusing to show him where he was hurt, and Sousuke was just as freaked out as he was.

"He'd never do anything bad to me," he asserts, both for himself and Mitsuo's frowning face. The beta rubs the back of his head before yawning and adjusting his glasses, dark circles sitting heavy under his eyes.

"We can talk about it later Aiichirou. Can you please keep your door open while you study at least?" He nods reluctantly. Mitsuo nods his head, seeming satisfied at least for now. He pulls himself up and presses a gentle kiss to Ai's forehead, stumbling a little on the way to his own room. "Thank you. Don't forget to call your mother this evening."

He nods, flopping back in the bed and rubbing at his eyes again. His parent's worry too much, they always have. It's a stupid thing to worry about, they've always praised him for being stalwart and protective and acting like a 'true alpha'. Now he actually was an alpha and suddenly he couldn't be trusted. It was frustrating and with a huff Ai pulled himself out of his own bed to join Sousuke on the futon. He wasn't sure if he was trying to prove a point or if he just wanted the relaxing closeness of snuggling his best friend, but it didn't matter.

Sousuke lifted an arm to drape over him almost on autopilot, confirming Ai's suspicion that he was partially awake already. He nuzzled close to Sousuke, tilting his chin up and sniffing curiously at the scent glands under his chin. He closes his eyes at the scent, purring without thinking about it and shifting closer to slide his nose back and forth against the glands. The alpha shivers, eyes starting to flicker open with a little groan.

Ai continues nuzzling his chin without a thought, enjoying how good it feels. He ducks his head to the side a little further, purring as he finds the point where Sousuke's pulse thrums lazily under his skin, pressing the bridge of his nose into it with a little hum.

This seems to wake Sousuke up all the way because his arm tightens around Ai's shoulders with a throaty sound that doesn't sound exactly like annoyance at being awake. It makes Ai's pulse quicken, pressing his face fully into Sousuke's neck and actually mewling a little at the contact. It feels so nice to just lay there, warm and calm with Sousuke's scent engulfing him completely. It makes his room feel more like home than it ever has before, like every day before this it was just missing the addition of Sousuke.

He stiffens as Ai purrs against his throat, face going red and pushing gently on the omega's shoulders. Ai shook his head with a little whine, the sound vibrating against the warm skin of Sousuke's throat. "Comfy."

"A-Ai get off," he grumbles, pushing with a little more force and swallowing hard. Ai shifts back with a wiggle, licking his lips and looking up with wide pupils and an annoyed tilt of his chin. "W-what're you scenting me for?"

"It was comfy," Ai pouts now that he can actually look at the alpha's face, bottom lip pushed out petulantly. Sousuke hesitates, swallowing and sitting up. He looks away, taking a few ragged breaths in and out to try and calm himself from the surprise of waking up with their faces that close.

"I-if you do that people are gonna think we're dating or something," he rumbles, crossing his arms and trying hard to look disapproving. Ai rolls his eyes and shrugs, curling into the blanket instead.

"They will not. Pack marking is normal, Nagisa does it to like everybody," he shrugs his shoulders, trying hard not to grin at the frown set on Sousuke's face. "I've done it with Rin-senpai too."

"Not while he's sleeping!" Sousuke protests a little too loudly, jaw clenching just a little tighter at the mention of his other best friend. Ai shrugs, sitting up now and stretching, arching an eyebrow neatly.

"So you're not gonna do it back then?" He giggles as Sousuke frowns harder, grabbing the front of Ai's shirt and hauling them close with a little sigh. He rubs his forehead under Ai's chin a little roughly, closing his eyes and grunting before pulling away a little too quickly. Ai shrugs, standing up and stretching long and languid, arching his whole body. The shirt creeps over his stomach and he's glad there aren't any more bruises he's trying to hide.

Sousuke still stares until Ai turns away self-consciously, yawning and grabbing his schoolbag from where it's sitting by the bed. "We can study for awhile before the movie."

Sousuke nods a little dumbly before standing and tripping his way to the bathroom, not returning until after Ai is already settled into his reading with his pajamas still on, hugging a pillow comfortably against his chest. A glance confirms that it was the one Sousuke had stolen to sleep on and it's only through heavy effort and tightening his jaw that he manages not to groan.

By the time, Rin calls to tell them he's on the way over both had already given up studying in favor of sprawling out on Ai's floor to play video games. Ai pauses it and stands with a little sigh, wandering to his closet and looking over his shoulder at Sousuke, wrinkling his nose.

"Go change in the bathroom," he says archly, turning back to selecting the exact right pastel t-shirt for the day. Sousuke stares at his back in confusion, head cocked to the side.

"The fuck would I do that for? You've seen me change plenty," he rolls his eyes, leaning over and pulling out the extra clothes he'd brought with him. He turns toward the bathroom, cheeks flushing just a little as Ai pulls the sleep shirt over his head, arms crossed at the hem.

"Dad keeps getting all worried because I don't 'treat you like an alpha'. So you have to change someplace else," he's annoyed with all of it but Sousuke just shrugs and turns to get dressed. There's a broken disposable razor sitting on the edge of the sink and he raises an eyebrow at it before cursing all Nitori's as horrible packrats and getting dressed with a practiced quickness born from years in locker rooms. Ai is dressed by the time he comes back in, sitting cross-legged on the bed with a smile. He looks cute as ever with a short sleeved hoodie and shorts that are probably too small and tight to have been a new purchase.

Rin knocks before Sousuke can notice them past that, making Ai bound off the bed to quickly get the door before it can wake his dad up. Sousuke follows after him, raising an eyebrow at the way Rin positively beams down at Ai like the way he leans up and nudges their foreheads together in greeting has made his morning worth suffering through. Sousuke and Ai don't typically greet, but the omega is polite enough that he extends it to almost everybody else. And apparently decides to scent mark Sousuke in his sleep.

Rin clearly notices it, blinking a little as Ai settles back onto his feet and flicking his eyes to Sousuke with a questioning furrow of his eyebrows. Sousuke ignores it, nudging his head against the side of Rin's a little carelessly before playfully shoving him out of the way of the door.

"You take up too much room" he grins and Rin rises to the challenge, bumping his shoulder back against Sousuke's with a snort.

"It's because your enormous. Ai didn't have to shove to get out the door," Rin smirks down at the omega and it makes something inside of Sousuke feel hot and annoyed.

"Because he's tiny. And he wouldn't tell you anyways, just try and wait you out," Sousuke grunts, smiling just a little as Ai starts walking next to him instead of between the two alpha's. It feels like he's just won something and the way Rin's lip curls just a little tells him he's right.

At the movies, Ai does sit between them, arguably only because Rin had stuffed the popcorn at him to hold and the insisted it meant he had to sit in the middle. Sousuke doesn't mind it here; he wouldn't want Ai off to the side where some stranger could sit down and bother him. He blinks at the thought and wonders when protecting Ai because they were friends became the same as protecting Ai as an omega in his head.


	3. learn to love you that way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It shouldn't feel like the world comes crashing down around Sousuke. It shouldn't be that the moment Rin actually decides to do something he realizes that he loves his best friend in entirely the wrong way, but of course it is. Because cuddling Ai in the middle of his kitchen like that isn't a prelude to anything, because he'd been planning on asking Ai before they went to bed. He had a picture in his head that he didn't want to admit to; bringing Ai with him because they were friends and still did nearly everything together, letting Ai talk him into dancing and maybe having the courage to kiss Ai before the night was over.
> 
> But there's none of that, and instead Sousuke laughs and rolls his eyes. He lets Ai talk him into watching a horror movie and later into sleeping with his futon pressed against the side of Ai's bed so he can dangle his hand off the edge and brush his fingers on Sousuke's shoulder in reassurance that he was still safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with 80% more questionably platonic cuddling.

Ai is tactile, it's been that way since Sousuke sat down next to him on the playground and rubbed the tears off his cheeks. Sousuke lets him do most of the touching; leaning his head down so Ai can stroke his hair or walking a little closer so the backs of their hands bump or their shoulders brush together, he rarely leaves much extra space between their seats because Ai will just wiggle closer and nudge their knees together. He hugs a lot, and Sousuke always tries to hide the way he smiles before wrapping his arms around Ai's tiny body in return. It's easy to let Ai decide all the points of contact between them, and he seems to get that Sousuke enjoys it just as much. It's reassuring, and the way Ai's face lights up in surprise and delight when Sousuke leans a little more on him or drops his head to rest against the warmth of the omega's thigh is rewarding enough on its own.

So when these little touches start to disappear, Sousuke notices. When he walks Ai home because it's too late to go alone and there's almost a foot of space between them it feels like a canyon. He's still within arms reach, his smile present but tight at the corners, Sousuke could still reach out and rest a hand on his neck or ruffle his hair, grab his collar and tug him closer like he's used to. He doesn't do any of those things, instead he pushes his hands into his pockets to try and quell the urge and steals glances at Ai from the corner of his eye. 

There's been something wrong all day, he can see it in the tight wind of Ai's shoulders and how his smiles never quite meet his eyes all the way. It's just starting to get dark, but there are a few other people out walking while they go home. Rather than crunch closer like he usually would, tucking himself into the safety of being pressed against Sousuke's side he slows down just a little and falls a step behind to leave enough space.

Sousuke's on edge by the time they get to Ai's house, clenching and unclenching his hands in his pockets and trying searching for something to say. Ai unlocks the door and pauses at the darkness of the house, stopping and digging his teeth into his bottom lip.

"Stay over tonight?" He turns away from the door and looks up at Sousuke with a smile that could almost be genuine but there's still something clouding it over. Sousuke hesitates before shrugging and stepping inside with him, reaching out to flick on the light. 

"Your dad's gonna yell at you for it," he grumbles, locking the door behind him. Ai's parents used to like having him around all the time, until they decided he was a potential danger. Ai shrugs at that, huffing out a sigh and rolling his eyes.

“He's being stupid,” Ai grumbles, walking into the kitchen with Sousuke starting to follow him then pausing. There's a funny hitch in Ai's steps, not quite a limp but it's obvious he's favoring his right side again.

“You're limping,” he grumbles, crossing his arms and standing in the doorway behind Ai. The omega cringes and Sousuke expects another half-thought-out excuse that he in turn won't push for the truth. 

This time Ai just shrugs his shoulders and goes back to rooting in the fridge. “It's not that bad.”

Sousuke blinks in surprise, taking the moment to step forward and tug the bottom of Ai's shirt with a little snort. "Let me see."

Ai pauses like he's considering saying no but instead nods stiffly and steps away from Sousuke's hand before unbuttoning the shirt with quick fingers. Sousuke watches his hands, if only so he doesn't stare at Ai's chest and embarrass himself. He was used to Ai changing around him at one point, but now he insists Sousuke either turn around or go in another room. The claim was that his dad was worried about that too, but Sousuke suspected it was also to cover up whatever bruises had freshly bloomed on his skin.

He doesn't actually look until Ai lets the shirt hang off his elbows, and when he does his whole body stiffens. There's a heavy bruise on his right side that could be in the shape of a shoe if Sousuke squinted his eyes, and a scuff he can see on Ai's left hand like he'd fallen and tried to catch himself. He's about to be glad that at least there's no more writing until he sees the series of smaller bruises dancing up his left side and down the inside of his arm, along with three slender scratches on the very top of his hip. 

Sousuke starts to get angry again, hands curling into fists until he realizes Ai is already buttoning his shirt back on and turning to the side. Before he pulls his shirt up all the way Sousuke can see a perfect ring of teeth at the nape of his neck, the mark of an alpha holding him down and demanding submission. His anger drains like away like a sprung well and he steps back into Ai's space to wrap him in his arms. It's not really meant to be a kiss when his mouth presses against the spot, because seeing Ai hurt and so beat down that he wouldn't actually look Sousuke in the face with his shirt off is the least romantic thing Sousuke can think of, but he needs some way to make all of that pain go away.

Ai stiffens in his arms but just for a second before he melts into letting Sousuke hold him. It's normal between them, even if Ai always hugs him first and waits for him to follow suit. He shifts so he's facing Sousuke instead, his collar covering up the mark and his eyes fluttering closed as he presses his face into the alpha's chest like he wants to hide there. Sousuke lets him, using his thumb to rub slow circles into his back, surprising himself with the comforting crooning sound that comes out of his throat and vibrates against the side of Ai's neck.

He can smell him, cookies and cinnamon and warmth, feel the pulse that starts as a restless charge through his veins and settles slowly as Sousuke keeps holding him. He tries to reason that he would do the same for Nagisa or Gou if they needed him because they're pack and that's all Ai is going to see it as. It's not true; Ai's the only omega he reaches out to touch on his own. Maybe because he's known him the longest, but more likely because of the desire to be something else to Ai all together that's been building since before he even presented as an omega. 

Ai doesn't cry while Sousuke holds him there, his shoulders stiff and sure without a shiver. It almost feels like he's only comforting himself until Ai sighs and nuzzles closer to his neck, breathing in his scent and giving a single throaty purr.

Sousuke didn't ask anything this time, too worn from weeks of seeing Ai draw further and further away, curling inside himself like his body was a shell. Instead, he continues to hold onto Ai and croon in his neck until he's more puddle than person. There's a flush on his cheeks when he finally lets the omega go, smiling and glancing away when Ai finishes buttoning up his shirt. He seems brighter, like Sousuke's just shined up some of his dark spots and he doesn't make any immediate move to put space between them.

“Oh, you were right, by the way,” he giggles, turning back to looking for food in the fridge. He doesn't wait for Sousuke to ask about what, or assert that he is in fact always right (he is). “Rin-senpai asked me to go to Samezuka's dance thing with him.”

It shouldn't feel like the world comes crashing down around Sousuke. It shouldn't be that the moment Rin actually decides to do something he realizes that he loves his best friend in entirely the wrong way, but of course it is. Because cuddling Ai in the middle of his kitchen like that isn't a prelude to anything, because he'd been planning on asking Ai before they went to bed. He had a picture in his head that he didn't want to admit to; bringing Ai with him because they were friends and still did nearly everything together, letting Ai talk him into dancing and maybe having the courage to kiss Ai before the night was over.

But there's none of that, and instead Sousuke laughs and rolls his eyes. He lets Ai talk him into watching a horror movie and later into sleeping with his futon pressed against the side of Ai's bed so he can dangle his hand off the edge and brush his fingers on Sousuke's shoulder in reassurance that he was still safe.

 

“You asked Ai to the dance?” He asks Rin the question casually, packing his things up after their swim practice. Rin glances up from his locker and shrugs with a grin plastered to his face.

“Yeah, didn't think I had the guts, huh?” He smirks wider as Sousuke rolls his eyes, puffing his chest out. “Are you bringing anyone?”

“Maybe I'll ask Gou,” he smirks down at his bag as Rin shoves him with a snort. His protective streak over her only got worse once she presented and it made for easy fodder for annoying Rin.

“Shut up. You can't take my sister on a date,” he grumbles, glancing around like he's checking to make sure Sejiuurou's not going to overhear. There's no booming laugh or tell-tale flash of orange hair and he relaxes a little.

“You asked Ai,” he reasons like it's the same thing. Rin's eyebrows shoot up in a way that asserts it isn't the same at all. Sousuke ignores it.

“Whatever. Isn't there anyone you're actually interested in?” He plops down on the bench next to where Sousuke has his bag. Sousuke shrugs again, letting out a slow breath. He doesn't like lying, but he doesn't like the idea of admitting anything to Rin of all people more.

“Not really. I've got other things on my mind,” he zips the bag up smartly and blinks at Rin staring at him. His eyes are wide and earnest like he's expecting some kind of heartfelt confession to come pouring out at any second.

“Are you worried because Ai quit swimming?” Sousuke doesn't even process the tone of Rin's voice when he asks, stopping dead and blinking his eyes furiously. He was sure he would remember Ai telling him something like that, but of course he didn't. Rin continues without noticing. “I mean he said it was no big deal, but I was still really confused... Holy shit you didn't know.”

Rin blinks at Sousuke's back, biting his lip as the other alpha nods weakly. Sousuke sighs and it's like his whole body deflates, falling back to sitting on the bench and pressing his palms into his eyes. “Nope.”

It's a feeling he's getting all too used to when it comes to Ai; that the ground has suddenly shifted under him and he doesn't know what will crumble away next. Rin looks apprehensive like he's not sure if he's just blurted out a secret. Sousuke pinches at the bridge of his nose and tries to think of the last time he and Ai actually had a conversation about swimming that Ai didn't just shrug his way through.

“Did he tell you when he quit?” He asks when he doesn't come up with an answer on his own and Rin tilts his head back between his shoulder as he thinks.

“Um, Gou mentioned it a few weeks ago. It was before we went and saw that slasher movie because that's when I actually talked to him about it,” Rin shrugs then looks back at Sousuke with narrowed eyes. “Are you two fighting or something?”

"No, not really," Sousuke sighs before shaking his head and pushing himself upright. It only led to the question of what else Ai wasn't telling him and he didn't want to sit in the locker room for the entire afternoon and mull that question over. Instead, he turned to Rin after looping his bag over his shoulder and shrugging halfway. "Let's go to that new ramen place."

It would have been an excellent distraction if Rin knew when to drop anything. He nodded, walking with Sousuke and raising an eyebrow. "Okay, so it's not a fight. What is it then?"

"I can't force him to tell me everything," and he hates that he wishes he could. There's a sinking suspicion in his stomach that he knows exactly why Ai decided to quit and Rin rolls his eyes.

"Just spit it out," he elbows Sousuke's side a little, falling in step beside him. Sousuke grunts and punches his arm almost automatically in return.

"He's been getting bullied a lot and he keeps trying to hide it from me," Sousuke shakes his head, hand clamping tightly around the strap of his bag in an unconscious imitation of the way Ai always holds his. "I'm guessing it's part of why he quit so he didn't want to tell me."

"Aren't you supposed to go kick some ass for that?" Rin's voice burns hot instantly, looking at Sousuke like he's failed some great responsibility and he can't help but agree with the glare. That's exactly what he's supposed to do.

"He doesn't want me getting into a fight," Sousuke shakes his head, pushing the door open for Rin. It's quiet inside and they take a booth towards the back, setting their bags in a pile under the table. "Said it's not worth getting me into trouble over."

"So does that mean its someone on their team that's giving him trouble?" Rin's fingers start drumming restlessly on the table and it's obvious he's trying to decide who might be the most likely candidate. Sousuke can't decide if telling Rin was a good idea or not. He's relentless when it comes to his friends and Ai is no exception, but he'll push the subject with Ai far harder than Sousuke and he doesn't want to risk making the omega tell him even less. Still he shakes his head in response.

"No, I think he doesn't want anyone else knowing about it," he bites the inside of his cheek and leans his elbows on the table. "Swimming means having people see him without his clothes every day."

Rin's mouth jerks into a hard frown at that, hands curling into fists. There's only so many times that Ai can get away with saying he's fallen down doing something, and Sousuke knows from what he's seen that an excuse wouldn't cover half the damage. Rin's eyes are burning bright and he almost snaps at the girl who comes to take their order until Sousuke kicks him under the table.

"Don't bug him about it hot-head. He's already freezing me out enough," Sousuke shakes his head with a little sigh as Rin's tension quite obviously doesn't ease. He glares just a little once their food is ordered, crossing his arms. "If you do something stupid he'll just get mad at you."

"Does getting my sister to follow him around all day and give me names of people who seem suspicious count as stupid?" Rin growls in a way that makes it clear he's not entirely joking. Sousuke figures he's probably not joking at all, even if the suggestion is a little laughable.

"I'd say so. Could try asking Rei, I think they're in the same class," Sousuke shrugs then pauses to think for a moment. "Actually, don't. He can't hide anything from Nagisa."

"See? Gou's your best bet," he sounds oddly proud of that and Sousuke chuckles a little, aiming another kick at Rin under the table.

"I can't exactly stop you from getting your sister to spy on him," he means it to be relenting, but instead it just sounds like permission. Rin's smile returns by degrees and by the time there's ramen in front of both of them he's back to critiquing Sousuke's swimming and complaining about the team captain. It's easy to fall into Rin's passionate mood whenever swimming comes up, even if it comes with the risk of getting splashed with broth as he tries to gesture a stroke or emphasize a point. Rin and Ai have always been equally skilled at carrying a conversation around his hummed agreements and nods, neither really put off by his failure to actually carry a conversation well. 

He's getting better now that he can't count on Ai's presence to assure people that he's not really as scary at he seems. It's not that he doesn't know how to interact with people like Nanase, but he doesn't have their need to fill the space up with words either. Having Ai with him while they were growing up seemed to ease people around his more stoic attitude and resting scowl. Now it's just him and Rin making an equally scary pair; Sousuke's scowl and Rin's glaring and sharp teeth. He'd been asked more than once if he was really a first year and how many years he'd gotten held back. It didn't help that he was standing a full head taller than Rin now, with his shoulders getting so broad he was sure it would only be days before he could sit Ai on one of them and barely notice the weight at all. 

 

In the end, Sousuke did ask Gou to attend the dance with him, after listening to her complaint that really everyone was going except for her because of Rin. It was a casual friendly invitation; he liked spending time with her just fine and the fact that it annoyed Rin to no end was always a bonus. Doing things solely or in part to bother him was becoming something like a hobby for Sousuke. Because his dad was coming off a 24-hour shift, Ai decided to both go to Samezuka with Sousuke and spend the night with him after. He hadn't said anything about being in trouble about having Sousuke stay without any adults again, but it wasn't a stretch to imagine that he was. 

Ai's suit was probably stretching the limits of how cute it was legal to be, with a powder blue vest under the jacket and tiny cartoon sharks on the tie. He giggles as soon as he opens the door to see Sousuke, leaning up and rubbing his face on the side of his neck briefly, dropping back to his feet so he can adjust both where he mussed the collar of the shirt a little and then the plain black tie that was the only one Sousuke owns. He feels dull in comparison to Ai but settles for smiling tightly at him and nodding once.

"C'mon, if I make you late Rin will complain," the comment earns another laugh and Ai hugs around his arm as they walk. It's easy to almost forget that he's not Ai's date, leaving his hand in his pocket while he enjoys the way he can faintly feel Ai's heartbeat against his arm. He considers asking about the swim team but decides against it in the end, just like he decides against dropping a kiss onto the crown of his head or anything else equally foolish. "Your side doing better?"

Ai's little half-limp is gone and he's standing straighter than he was last time Sousuke saw him. Ai squeezes tighter around his arm for a moment at the question before slowly nodding his head. Sousuke bites down on his cheek to keep from asking anything else. He still considers it very much his business, but he's willing to give Ai one more evening without trying to pry any further. He's said before that he'd do anything for the omega, and in the end 'anything' doesn't just mean cuddling him after scary movies or punching someone in the face for pushing him down. It includes things that make his chest feel like it's stretched too tight over his bones like letting him keep his troubles secret and sending him off on a date with Rin.

He discovers that Rin wears a suit well and isn't surprised by the bright red color of his tie. It almost makes him laugh until Ai detaches from his arm and smiles shyly like he's forgotten how to greet Rin at all.

Sousuke decides to go inside and find Gou before he lets himself get annoyed. He's not sure if it's better or worse for his temper that Ai is on a date with Rin rather than someone he doesn't know at all. He must be frowning more intently than usual when he does find Gou because she pats his hand after he leans over to gently bump their foreheads together. 

"Did you walk here with Ai-kun?" She asks slowly then smiles a little as he nods, patting his hand once again. "It's okay, I don't see the two of them actually dating."

"I don't care if they do," he shrugs his shoulders as he lies through his teeth and Gou actually laughs at him, proving that in the end she's not entirely the same as her brother. She smiles and he follows her to the overly decorated table supporting the drinks.

"You could've just told nii-chan that you like Ai-kun," she purrs then scowls at him when he starts to protest. "Don't tell me something stupid like he's just your best friend. I have eyes unlike either of them."

"It doesn't matter," he settles on and Gou looks a little sad. He doesn't like her pitying him so he fishes something to change the topic too. "Did he ask you to spy on Ai for him?"

"He said I have to keep an eye out, but I'm not clear on what I'm looking for," she rolls her eyes, huffing a little as she crosses her arms. Sousuke decides that she looks pretty with her hair down like it is, but it's kind of an absent admiration. "Apparently what I'm supposed to be spying for is some big secret."

There's a question implicit there and Sousuke hesitates. It's not that he doesn't trust Gou; she's probably one of the most level-headed and reliable people that he knows, but she is a Matsuoka apparently in their family terrible ideas for solving problems is an inherited trait. He gives in any way, because if he doesn't she might decide to just go ask Ai herself and he doesn't want to see the result of that.

Spending an evening with Gou turned out to be fun in a way that surprises Sousuke a little. She doesn't share her brothers single-minded enjoyment of swimming and does actually manage to talk him into dancing with her at least once. The only glimpse he catches of Ai after they separate is of him trailing out of the decorated gym with Rin holding onto his elbow, but something pulls his attention away before he can actually think too hard about what that means. 

He winds up milling outside a little before Ai actually shows up to meet him, his cheeks pink and his smile just a little bit strained. He starts walking before Sousuke voices the question in his mouth, not grabbing his arm to hug this time.

"Did you have a good time with Kou-san?" Sousuke is confused by the question Ai uses to cut him off again until he remembers Gou has been bullying everyone into calling her Kou instead. She didn't say anything about it over the night and he's still not entirely sure he understands the sudden change. He nods slowly, glancing Ai over and scowling a little at his back. His jacket is rumpled up and part of his collar is flipped up the wrong way and he's moving too fast to be entirely comfortable. He catches Sousuke's nod with a glance cast behind him, not missing the scowl but not slowing down. "That's nice, she seemed glad you asked her."

"It wasn't a date," Sousuke offers with a shrug, still trying to pick apart this new batch of strange behavior. Ai seems like he's trying hard to both get home as fast as he can while pretending nothing is wrong at all, and Sousuke hadn't seen Rin anywhere when Ai came charging out to leave despite the fact that he was later than planned. He glances over his shoulder at the few other well-dressed students wandering behind them before walking a little faster so he's beside Ai, draping his arm over the omega's slim shoulders and tucking him in close to his side. 

Ai jolts at the contact, his cheeks going red as he lets Sousuke's arm curl protectively around him. It seems to soothe his urge to flee, slowing while Sousuke's thumb rubs circles on his shoulders, leaning a little more of his weight into the alpha's side. Sousuke glances behind him again, tightening his hold on Ai and narrowing his eyes at the group behind him. They don't seem to be paying him any attention, talking loudly with the pair in front shoving playfully at one another, but he doesn't trust it enough to let go of Ai. They don't turn, slowing as Sousuke finally unwraps his arm just to shove open the front door and cast them a venomous glare while Ai steps inside ahead of them.

He almost starts growling until they pick up again suddenly and turn the corner. He flicks the lock shut behind him anyways and raises an eyebrow at Ai stepping out of his shiny dress shoes. He doesn't really expect Ai to explain, and for the most part it seems fairly obvious that whoever they were he didn't like having them so close by. Ai pauses at Sousuke's look and sighs a little, sliding the jacket off his shoulders, teeth digging into his lower lip again before padding back to Sousuke's room with the alpha a step behind him.

"It's not- I mean," Ai starts, opening his mouth around words he can't seem to force out before he snaps it shut again and throws himself on Sousuke's bed. Sousuke blinks in surprise a little, watching Ai hug his pillow and hide his face against it with a strangled little whimpering sound. It's by far not the first time he's seen Ai sitting in his bed, but something about this makes Sousuke freeze for a second, listening to the blood rush through his ears at a pace that's almost frantic. Ai lifts his head up after a minute of Sousuke standing dumbstruck, biting his lip. "I didn't have a fun night."

That blinks him out of his stupor, Sousuke cocks his head just a little before sitting on the bed next to Ai. Ai nearly throws himself against Sousuke's side, and this time he can feel a quiver that trembles down the omega's spine, wrapping him tightly in his arms without being asked. He takes a deep breath, still hugging the pillow.

"Did Rin do something stupid?" He asks after a moment of rubbing Ai's back, a little surprise when the omega shakes his head and chokes out a little laugh.

"No... Well, maybe," he's nuzzling higher and higher on Sousuke's shoulder by degrees until he winds up nudging his nose underneath the alpha's chin. It brushes against the scent glands there and despite his best efforts not to Sousuke swallows hard at the tingling contact, his eyes sliding closed for a second. "T-those guys, they're um..."

He trails off again but Sousuke nods in understanding, feeling the bumps of Ai's spine with his thumb. Ai shivers against him again, resting his forehead against Sousuke's neck. He's mostly in the alpha's lap at this point and Sousuke can feel the flutter of his eyelashes every time he blinks.

"I got kind of scared when I saw them and Rin noticed it," his voice is weaker, but holding him so close makes it easy to hear him still so Sousuke doesn't shift. "S-so I wound up telling him... J-just that it's been an issue."

For a second Sousuke's almost mad that Ai decided to confide in Rin instead, that when he saw something that scared him he didn't turn and try to find Sousuke at all. His anger doesn't quite rise all the way; at least Ai has someone he's willing to talk to, even if it's Rin and not him. Ai swallows thickly and his eyes flutter closed once more.

"I wanted you though," Ai says it almost like it's a secret, keeping his eyes closed and relaxing further in Sousuke's embrace. "Rin was already mad though, I didn't want to send him in to find you and end up with him getting into a fight."

At that Sousuke chuckles softly, squeezing his arms tighter around Ai. He wants to tilt his face up and press kisses all over it, something in his stomach feeling strange and fluttery at the thought that Ai wanted him there. It's not new, he's been a safe harbor for Ai since they met, but it still makes him feel good to hear. He continues rubbing his hand up and down Ai's back for awhile before speaking. "You don't have to try to take care of me and Rin."

"I want to though," Ai shifts and presses more of his face into Sousuke's neck, speaking directly against his skin. "It's not like I do anything else for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying a different way of doing scene breaks, if it's not working for you let me know and I'll go back to using tilde's


	4. sing me something soft, sad and delicate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ai, don't-” his arm is reaching out and he stares at it like it's betrayed him by moving from the sheets where his other hand is gripping stubbornly. “Don't shut me out anymore. Even if you don't think so, I need you.”
> 
> Ai's cheeks flush red at that, staring at his best friend in surprise. It's not the kind of admission Sousuke would make lightly and Ai nods his head slowly, returning to the bed and sliding under the covers. “Do you want me to tell you more?”
> 
> Sousuke nods, sliding so they're laying side by side, touching only as much as they have to in the limited space of the bed. Ai closes his eyes, despite not feeling tired at all.

"I want to though," Ai shifts and presses more of his face into Sousuke's neck, speaking directly against his skin. "It's not like I do anything else for you.”

Sousuke tenses at that, his arms going stiffer like he's not sure at first how to respond. After a pause he shakes his head, the motion rubbing the side of his jaw against Ai's hair. “That's not true.”

Ai doesn't say anything for a moment. There's an edge to Sousuke's voice that he's not sure he wants to press further, like he's on the edge of pulling the wrong strings to their friendship and watching it unravel into useless threads. He'd be alone then; he doesn't suffer the delusion that he could stay in their small pack without his connection to Sousuke.

“I quit swimming,” he says instead of answering, leaving the frayed edge where it lies. His fingers still itch to pull the ends, to release his guilt for warming to Sousuke's friendship so selfishly for years. Sousuke pauses again, clearly expecting Ai to argue further before nodding his head slowly.

“I know,” it's a rumble from the middle of his chest and Ai leans back a little, not enough to look at Sousuke's face, but so they aren't pressed so intimately. He's not sure he could stand to see how the alpha looks at this moment, doesn't dare to look. “Rin mentioned it. I guessed at why.”

Ai just nods, looking down at his fingers twisting together restlessly. He wants to ask why he's wrong, badly enough that he can't think of anything else to continue the conversation. Sousuke doesn't share his guess, but then he doesn't have to. People saw bruises blooming on his skin if he had to change for swimming, questioned them and the strange scratches on his hips and thighs that his suit wouldn't quite cover, the occasional bites on the back of his neck from foolishly trying to fight back.

The thought makes him reach a hand up to brush his nape, cringing as he can still feel the carved indents of teeth there. It had been severe enough to draw blood at the time; like a mates bite but in the wrong place. Instead, it had made his limbs go slack and useless with submission and fear, his mind a blank canvas primed to simply obey the alpha holding him there.

Sousuke catches the moment and the quiet that stretches after it and he lifts a hand away from Ai's back, brushing the omega's fingers away and tilting his head to stare down at the mark. Just like before he pitches his head forward and presses his mouth against it, a growl trembling through his chest.

Ai sighs a little at the contact, closing his eyes and enjoying the relaxing rush that it brings on. It doesn't bring about the same frantic fear, the need to submit himself to whatever Sousuke wills under the threat of something worse. Instead, it's soothing; Sousuke is the alpha he trusts the most and having his mouth rest there, not quite formed into a kiss, feels like a promise that won't let others force obedience on him.

“I try not to fight back,” he says after a long moment of Sousuke just breathing down the track of his spine. It's the first time he's actually wanted to talk about any of it, but sitting with Sousuke's arms wrapped around him feels like the safest place there is, compounded by sitting in the bed that's bathed in his cool scent. “Most of the time...”

He trails off, opening his eyes and tensing his fingers together again in his lap. He swallows hard, feeling the pressure of Sousuke's lips on his neck change just a little,; his lips just slightly parted as he keeps breathing steady and even against the skin. Ai knows it hurts the alpha more not to talk about it at all, despite the flash in his eyes and tense of his shoulders every time he sees a bruise or some other evidence that things aren't well without him. “Most of the time it isn't so bad.”

“My parents think you're the one doing it,” he's only figured it out since the last time Sousuke slept over, when his father had stared oddly at the door after Sousuke left before flicking his eyes to the uneven way Ai was walking. It's an easy conclusion to jump to; they're both beta's who didn't expect their only child to be an omega. Sousuke is still newly presented by alpha standards, still prone to being gruff and temperamental while his hormones are settling, being raised alone by an omega who treated Ai like a second son.

“I know one of them, don't I?” Sousuke asks after thinking for a long moment and Ai cringes. He had been hopeful that Sousuke didn't have names to put to the faces he'd seen briefly. Ai nods, because even if he keeps his secrets he didn't lie to Sousuke.

“K-Kenta Nomi, he was in my class last year,” Ai responds slowly, cheeks flushing a little as Sousuke's face lifts away from the mark. His thumb trails over it instead and Ai can feel him staring at the ring of teeth. Sousuke doesn't ask, but he nods anyway. He doesn't have to see the frown on Sousuke's face to know it's there.

“I remember him not liking me,” Sousuke says after a long moment, dropping his hand and looking back at Ai with a huffed sigh. “He called you Delta a lot.”

The second came out with a growl, Sousuke spitting the insult into the quiet air like letting it rest on his tongue might burn him. Ai shrugs a little because it was something that they still called him, hissed in his face constantly like a nickname. He shifts a little and taking the hint Sousuke drops his arms, letting Ai stand once he's freed.

Ai doesn't make himself smile this time, instead pulling the futon he uses halfway from the closet before Sousuke clears his throat. “You can sleep up here.”

The omega hesitates before stuffing it away again and nodding his head. It had been some time since Sousuke agreed to sleep in the same bed and Ai was glad for it. Sousuke hesitates in return, staring at Ai when he doesn't immediately say anything.

“Ai, don't-” his arm is reaching out and he stares at it like it's betrayed him by moving from the sheets where his other hand is gripping stubbornly. “Don't shut me out anymore. Even if you don't think so, I need you.”

Ai's cheeks flush red at that, staring at his best friend in surprise. It's not the kind of admission Sousuke would make lightly and Ai nods his head slowly, returning to the bed and sliding under the covers. “Do you want me to tell you more?”

Sousuke nods, sliding so they're laying side by side, touching only as much as they have to in the limited space of the bed. Ai closes his eyes, despite not feeling tired at all.

“That's what he still calls me,” he can't miss the way Sousuke tenses, but he wants to know so Ai keeps talking. “It's his pack... I never see any of them unless Kenta is there. And no, he doesn't like you.”

Ai creaks his eyes open and Sousuke's face is surprisingly stoic. Ai wants to reach out and take his hand but slowly decides against it. He curls them into soft fists instead, breathing slowly in through his nose. “It's usually three of them, sometimes four. Everything they do is his idea, I think. He says it's more fun when I fight back, I think he likes having the excuse to bite me.”

Sousuke grunts and Ai can see his facade of calm starting to fade. It's obvious that it's hard for Sousuke to hear about this, his breath coming in short and blowing out hard each time. It's no comfort at all to see him hurting on the omega's behalf.

“Why?” Sousuke asks finally and doesn't expand on the question. His voice is tight and he's staring straight at the ceiling like looking at Ai straight on would be too much for him.

“Because he can. Because he's bored and I'm weak,” because you're not there. Ai doesn't say it because it isn't Sousuke's fault. It contributes, and Kenta loves to ask when Sousuke's going to be a real alpha and come protect him. He brings Sousuke up every time, alternating between deriding him as an alpha and implying that no matter how pathetic Sousuke might be, Ai still isn't good enough to be his mate.

Ai's face burns with the shame of the memories of it, flipping onto his side so he isn't facing Sousuke anymore. They aren't touching and Sousuke lays quiet if it weren't for his still labored breathing Ai would think him asleep. He doesn't say anything else, and Ai clamps the rest of his secrets captive in his mouth. It's a long time before either of them falls asleep, silence lurking between them like a wolf. Ai's not sure exactly when Sousuke dozes off if it's before or after he does himself. 

He wakes with his throat dry as bone, blood thrumming hot in his veins. Sousuke is still fast asleep next to him, laying much closer than when they fell asleep. Ai breathes in to yawn and stops as the alpha's scent invades his mouth, just now realizing how it's everywhere like he's been bathing in it all night. The thought makes his heart beat faster and he rolls himself closer to Sousuke, teeth digging softly into his lower lip. He remembered Sousuke being annoyed by Ai waking him up like this before, but something hot and needy is twisting over and over again in his stomach and he's stricken by the urge to nuzzle at the alpha's scent glands and make the room smell even more like him.

He itches at his own chin with a huff, eyes fluttering as the rub of his hands makes pheromones release in the air. It feels good, better than usual and Ai shifts against the bed, his heels digging into the sheets as he rubs both of his wrists under his chin and against the side of his neck. He can't really smell himself, but he whimpers nonetheless, biting harder into his lip and trying to kick the blanket off, finding it suddenly too hot with Sousuke's warm bulk so close to him. 

There's a faint growling from next to him and he turns his head to find Sousuke staring at him, a heavy frown on his face. His pupils are swelled so wide that his eyes are black with only the barest ring of teal around the edges and he pushes himself up onto an elbow, staring at Ai like he's not sure what's happening. He leans forward a little, catching one of Ai's slim hands and pulling it away from his neck to lean forward and sniff at the small scent gland hidden under Ai's pale skin. He growls again at the smell, a little stronger as it rumbles from the center of his chest. He sits up a little suddenly, throwing one of his legs over Ai's hip with the omega's arm still clasped in his hand. "Ai..."

The heavy tone of Sousuke's voice makes Ai shiver a little, blinking furiously when he stares up at the alpha before tilting his head all the way back against the pillows. It exposes the entirety of his throat and Sousuke's freezes for a long moment before Ai whimpers out loud. It seems to wake Sousuke up because he tugs Ai's hand a little higher and rubs his slender wrist along the bottom of his chin, stimulating the glands there with a shudder passing through him. It only takes a second for Ai to catch on before he's moving his arm on his own, mouth hanging open to catch the heady pheromones that Sousuke releases on his tongue. The alpha above him growls suddenly, pitching forward and licking a long stripe up the center of Ai's throat.

He keeps the whole of his throat exposed, gasping out sharply and knotting his fingers in the wrinkled fabric of Sousuke's dress shirt as he rubs the sides of their necks together. Sousuke growls lowly as he keeps rubbing them together, draping a little more of his weight over Ai as he leans forward, the omega's grip keeping him from pulling away even if he wanted to. Ai mewls slightly when Sousuke's mouth brushes on the side of his neck, close to something that he might describe as a kiss.

That's how Sousuke's mom finds them; clinging close to one another and scent marking furiously, Sousuke's small room overflowing with the mingling of their scents. Miki blinks a little in confusion before loudly clearing her throat, striding over to the bed and tapping Sousuke's shoulder. He snaps a growl out before he realizes it, jerking up sharply with wide eyes as she laughs softly at him. "S-sorry!"

"I think it would be a good idea for Aiichirou to go home before his heat actually sets in," she scolds both of them quietly, gently unwrapping Ai's fingers from Sousuke's shirt and shuffling her son off the bed with a gentle cluck to her tongue. She seems unruffled by the situation, nudging Sousuke out of the room and ignoring the way he's struggling with the idea of leaving. "Go take a shower please, while I call Mitsuo."

"A-ah, I can walk home," Ai bolts up at the mention of calling his father, his face beet red as Miki looks at him and rolls her eyes dramatically. Her hands rest on her hips, one jutted to the side making her appear even shorter in comparison to Sousuke. He glances at Ai one more time, his face redder than Ai has ever seen it before turning and nearly slamming the bathroom door behind him.

"Sweetie, you're on the edge of a heat. You most certainly cannot walk," she chuckles softly, gathering Ai's schoolbag in her hands and smiling patiently at him. "He just got off a long shift, didn't he? Would you like me to drive you instead?"

Ai flushes further and nods slowly. In truth, he just doesn't want to explain to his dad how Miki found them this morning or listen to him worry about Ai going into heat with Sousuke anywhere nearby. He hadn't thought he was so close to his fall cycle, but it was only his second and it was possible they weren't quite regular yet. He wiggles out of the bed a little reluctantly, the temptation of burrowing himself back into the safe haven of Sousuke's scent almost too much to ignore on his own. 

Miki smiles warmly at him, pressing her lips briefly against his forehead and wrinkling her nose with a little chuckle. "Did you sleep in Sou's bed?"

Ai nods, looking away a little and wondering if he wasn't supposed to. Rather than scolding she laughs softly, leading him to the door and nodding while he steps back into his dress shoes. "That makes sense... Having an alpha's scent around can tip you over a little early."

"Um," Ai stops, fidgeting and biting at his lip. He's been more comfortable discussing things like heats with Miki because he knows she understands, unlike his own parents. She tilts an eyebrow upwards, waiting for him to actually speak. "D-do you think it would be okay i-if I borrowed a shirt from Sousuke?"

"Oh! For your nest," she smiles and nods, handing Ai his bag and disappearing back into Sousuke's room. Ai longs to follow after her and build a nest entirely out of Sousuke's things, to wait for the alpha to come back from showering so he could...

Miki returns before that thought can be completed and Ai is glad. She passes over two old shirts that Ai recognizes easily, as well as the tie Sousuke had been wearing the night before. Ai tucks them into his bag with a smile that's perhaps wider than it should be and lets Miki bundle him into the car without any further complaining.

"I'll have to make sure I change his sheets today," she laughs, mostly to herself. Ai is fidgeting in his seat, the itchy feeling of his skin starting to build towards unbearable. He's sweating in his clothes, cheeks flushed bright pink and every time he shifts in his seat he can feel slick starting to gather. It's embarrassing, but Miki seems to take no notice of it at all. "I don't want to tip Sou into a rut too early."

Rut's were more infrequent than heat cycles, and usually didn't happen in full until an alpha actually had a mate to share the time with. Ai clings his fingers around the strap of the bag tighter, swallowing thickly at the mention of Sousuke's name. It was hard before not to think of Sousuke when he went into heat; it felt like a violation of their friendship to let his mind wander there. Now it seems impossible to think about anything except for Sousuke, and adding his clothes to the nest Ai will build as soon as he gets into his room won't help.

They will make his heat easier, with pheromones from Sousuke already soaking into his skin. Miki drops him at the door with a little wave and a warm smile, the car staying parked in front of his house until the door shuts behind him and he can hear her pull away. Mitsuo doesn't wake up when Ai tumbles up to his room and his mind is too hazy for him to think about telling his dad. Instead, he closes the door to his room and immediately begins throwing his clothing off, piling it on the floor along with all the pillows and blankets that he owns. It takes him awhile to build his nest all the way, working Sousuke's extra clothes in as well, and by the time he's finished he's already sweating and whining as he rubs his face into a pillow, panting softly out.

 

 

His heat is easier than it had been before, only lasting four days and keeping him out of school for two. His dad takes a few moments each day to check on him, leaving cold bottles of water and taking Ai's temperature when the omega will let him. His eyes linger on the fading scratches at Ai's hips but he doesn't say anything about them and if Ai were aware of his surroundings he would be glad that there isn't any other bruising still visible and his dad doesn't see the bite almost-faded on the back of his neck. Ai pulls himself out of his mussed nest with a tired huff, his whole body sore as he clumsily digs his phone off of the bed and calls Sousuke. He's probably just finishing swim practice, but Ai doesn't dwell on it too long. It takes four rings for his best friend to pick up the phone.

"You feeling better now?" Sousuke doesn't sound entertained by the question, closer to genuine concern. Heats generally aren't dangerous to an omega, but early ones do tend to be more intense. Ai hums at the question, wrinkling his nose at how rough his voice sounds.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he chuckles softly, rubbing the back of his neck with blood creeping into his cheeks. "S-sorry I didn't realize I was that close..."

"It's okay," Sousuke hesitates before he answers and Ai cringes a little. He probably freaked the alpha out with a wake up like that, and he nervously paws one of Sousuke's shirts out of his collapsing nest, pulling it over his head with a little sigh. It still smells like Sousuke, even after Ai's soaked it in pheromones from his heat, and it's relaxing to have. Sousuke coughs softly and Ai's attention snaps back. "I-I guess our parents got in an argument over it."

"Th-they did?" Ai's face drops into a frown at that, plucking at a stray thread on Sousuke's shirt. He should be gathering up everything from his nest to be washed, but he's sore and tired and doesn't want to start moving around quite yet so instead he cuddles back into it. "Why?"

"Your dad does think I'm the one hurting you," Sousuke grumbles and Ai can hear the tight edges of his voice. He cringes, tugging the shirt to cover his hips better even if there's no one to see him. The conversation is revolving closer to things he's not sure he's ready to share with Sousuke yet. "He kept insisting we, I, must've done something else to you before my mom woke up."

"D-did he say why?" Ai swallows thickly before asking, pulling one of the blankets from his nest around his shoulders and screwing his eyes shut.

"Those scratches you had... I remember seeing them," Sousuke grunts and Ai can hear the slamming of a door that he assumes must be to Sousuke's room. "Are those from...?"

He doesn't finish the question and Ai presses his face into the pillow for a moment before lifting it out so he can speak. "Kenta? N-no, they're not."

"Oh," Sousuke sounds confused but there's a long pause where Ai says nothing. He can almost hear the gears in Sousuke's head turning as he tries to gather what Ai's not saying. "Is it somebody else?"

"I- Sou- n-no," Ai can't seem to find words and he clips his mouth shut. It takes him several tries before he can start speaking again, his mouth opening and closing around silent syllables. "Th-they weren't from anyone else."

"Ai..." Sousuke's voice was softer than expected, something sad and faraway to it that made Ai flinch a little, gripping tighter on the phone and pressing his face into the shirt he was wearing.

"I don't wanna talk about it," it was a weak response, but Sousuke just grunted weakly in reply. He wasn't sure what he wanted his best friend to say if he was ready to try and explain the twisted line of thought that had led him to hurting himself. There was silence on the line for several seconds, neither of them entirely sure what to say. 

"D-did your relay team get decided?" Ai offers weakly, glad that Sousuke picks up the thread of conversation with less prompting. He talks until Ai can't stand the sticky feeling smeared over his skin anymore and says good-bye in favor of a shower. He leaves his phone to charge, tugging off Sousuke's shirt off before climbing into the too-hot spray of water and scrubbing at himself until it goes cold. In part because the sweat and slick from his heat feel like they've soaked in past the first layer of skin, and in part because he wasn't sure he wanted to step out and deal with the world outside yet.

He wraps himself in a fluffy towel after climbing out, jolting a little at the sound of the front door closing. Was it really so late that his dad was home already? Ai steps out of the bathroom with his lower lip caught between his teeth, peeking around the corner of the hallway and almost groaning at the pair of magenta eyes that lock in on him.

"Ai-chan!" Nagisa bounds forward, ignoring the lack of clothing on Ai and bundling him in a too-tight hug before nuzzling their cheeks together in greeting. Ai frowns a little, even as he nuzzles the other omega in return. It's then that he notices Rei still standing by the door with his face flushed bright red. "We came to bring your homework!"

Rei weakly lifted the packet of papers in his hand, gripping them and looking distinctly like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. Rei had presented only weeks ago and the fact that the whole house probably still reeked of Ai's recent heat was probably not pleasant for his new senses. "I-indeed."

"N-Nagisa-kun, please let me go get dressed," Ai grumbles softly, stepping back as Nagisa finally releases him. It's not a surprise when the blond omega follows him into his room with a giggle though Ai keeps his back turned while he changes. Nagisa doesn't question it, too busy poking through the contents of his nest with an interested coo.

"Oh! These are Sou-chan's!" Nagisa giggles, pulling out Sousuke's shirt and tie. Ai's face lights on fire but he doesn't turn until he's finished getting dressed, towel draped over his neck to keep his hair from dripping and hiding the last fading indents of the bite on his neck.

"Y-yeah. I just um..." He trailed off and Nagisa nodded with a toothy grin. He didn't have to explain to the other omega why he'd have Sousuke's clothes tucked inside his nest.

"I'm gonna steal some of Rei-chan's stuff before I have my heat,” Nagisa's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper that only made Ai blush more furiously. He decided to let Nagisa think he'd done the same rather than admit he'd actually borrowed the clothing with Sousuke's mom's help.

Once he's dressed he leads Nagisa out of his room again, taking the work from Rei with a smile. The alpha keeps shifting uncomfortably, glancing at Ai's room despite the tightly shut door. Ai brushes his fingers back through his hair, bowing his head gently.

“T-thank you for bringing me my work,” he smiles as Rei bobs his head in response, knocking their foreheads together politely. He and Rei get along well enough, even if Nagisa chides them for always acting stiff around one another. Rei values courtesy just like Ai does and it makes him easy to interact with.

Rei coughs into his sleeve and for the first time Nagisa seems to notice his friends discomfort. He blinks twice before giggling and bumping his head against Rei's shoulder. “Oh! You can smell Ai-chan, huh?”

Rei's face goes red before he nods, refusing to look at Ai who's blushing just as furiously. Nagisa giggles again before dragging him outside with a pout. 

“Okay, we can go home I guess! Text me, Ai-chan,” Nagisa insists before pulling the door shut. Ai doesn't want to admit what a relief it is that they came to see him at all. He was concerned that leaving the swim team would mean that he would lose ties with the pack since it was how they all first met, but he can feel the warm glow of Nagisa's friendship in his stomach and he's eased a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small note here because I couldn't think of a way to explain it neatly in canon; Delta is a primarily derogatory term used for those at the very bottom of a pack's hierarchy. It's used regardless of status, usually for someone who acts like a loner or contributes very little to the pack. There is an actual status Delta, similar to Beta's but with a sour, off-putting smell and instincts that lead them away from normal pack behavior, but I don't know that we'll actually see a Delta in canon here.


	5. i'll stand in your way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You make me look like an ass if we're trying to court the same person," Rin snorts, still looking annoyed. Sousuke shrugs his shoulders, glancing at the kitchen and dropping his voice even lower.
> 
> "We're not trying to court the same person," he grumbles out, surprised as Rin jolts to sitting upright so fast he almost spills pizza on them both. His eyes are flaming but whatever he's about to say is clipped back inside his mouth as Ai walks in and settles himself next to Sousuke's legs once again, looking up with a giggle.

Turning 16 probably should've felt like more than it did to Sousuke. As it stood his birthday snuck in just after the last of their swim meets, meaning that if it weren't for the occasion he would've had a blissfully unoccupied weekend probably spent entirely with Ai.

Instead, it was with ten teenagers packed into the limited space his living room offered. Birthday privilege had given him a spot on the only couch, with Ai curled on the floor between his legs. Nagisa giggles, ignoring Rei's good-natured protests as he swallows down a whole bottle of soda in a single go. He hiccups when he finishes it, as sugary-sweet as the liquid now fizzing in his stomach.

Sousuke might not have even noticed if Ai hadn't stopped talking to watch in horror. He stares at Nagisa with round eyes, lifting his head from where it had drooped to rest on Sousuke's knee. Nagisa catches his look and glances at Sousuke before smiling even wider, flashing all his teeth.

“Wanna play a game, Ai-chan?” There was a wicket lilt to his voice that set Sousuke on edge already. Ai blinked his eyes twice, considering. Nagisa tires of waiting for an answer and instead starts digging into the stack of treats he had hoarded for himself. Pulling out a slender stick of strawberry pocky and sticking the dipped end in his mouth. He wiggles his eyebrows before positioning himself so he and Ai are facing one another.

He leans into Ai's space until Ai catches the other end in his mouth. His cheeks are stained the same pink as the candy between Nagisa's lips and Sousuke is acutely aware that he and Rei are the only ones watching the two omegas inch closer to one another, the rest involved in Haru's betrayal of Makoto on the rainbow road.

It occurs to Sousuke too late that he probably shouldn't be so obviously interested in them tilting their heads as they come closer to avoid bumping noses. It would be cute if Nagisa didn't flutter his eyes open to stare a mischievous accusation directly at Sousuke before surging from sitting with his legs neatly crossed to tackling Ai to the floor. The stick breaks before their lips would have to touch, Ai biting down too hard as he falls backward and squeaks in surprise.

“I win Ai-chan!” Nagisa declares with as much buoyant joy as ever before noticing that his racket has drawn Makoto and Sejiuurou into staring disapprovingly. He seems unaffected, still sitting atop a blushing Ai. “Let's play spin the bottle.”

He finally wiggles off of Ai to reclaim the bottle he'd drained. There was a beat of silence while Ai picked himself off the floor and Rin paused the game, turning to raise an eyebrow at Sousuke. He shrugs in return, ducking his head to hide the red that hadn't drained from his face quite yet. It was entirely from Nagisa and his embarrassing antics and not the ridiculous game suggestion because that wasn't the kind of thing that would bother him. As long as it wasn't Ai kissing him, or kissing anyone else. 

“No,” Haru bristles, at least as much as he was able, glancing at Makoto. It was easy, for the most part, to forget their status as truemates. Makoto settles a warm hand on Haru's shoulder but looks nervous about the idea himself. Nagisa just rolls his eyes at them both.

“We'll just kiss you and Mako-chan on the cheek!” It's more a declaration than a suggestion and somehow Nagisa ropes all of them into a loose circle. It's not until he's setting the bottle in the middle that Sousuke notices he's lined all of the alpha's next to each other. He's settled between Rin and Sejiuurou with the latter's younger brother stuck on the couch for being too young to participate.

It wasn't clear if anyone else had noticed Nagisa's clever maneuvering of the situation, but Sousuke simply accepted it. Nagisa giggles bright and sweet, fixing him with a clear stare and nodding his head like he's expecting something. It takes a moment for Sousuke to realize that he's going first, presumably with the excuse that it's his birthday. 

He sighs just a little as he spins it with a flick of his wrist, leaning back on his palms with no real concern for the outcome. This isn't the first time he's let Nagisa talk him into one of these stupid games that only function as an excuse to kiss whoever he feels like that week. Nagisa giggles when it stops pointing at Ai, mischief twinkling in his magenta eyes. Sousuke, despite himself, freezes solid in a way he knows Rin can feel. Ai seems strangely calm, cocking his head to the side and looking at Nagisa with mild curiosity.

"It's just on the cheek right?" He sounds neutral on the idea and Sousuke is trying to calm the way his heart is trying to beat out of his chest from sheer force of will. He hopes he isn't blushing because he should be so used to touching Ai that this is barely a blip on his radar. They're casually intimate out of sheer habit and kissing him on the cheek is nothing different than any of that. Nagisa giggles and shakes his head with a pout.

"No! That's just for Haru-chan and Mako-chan," he grins as Ai's cheeks tinge just a little pink, glancing at Sousuke. It seems like there's something else he wants to say, but instead he ducks his head a little and nods. Nagisa glances between them before his mouth spreads out into a wolfish grin. Sousuke's still trying not to explode at the very thought, gripping onto the legs of his pants as Ai lifts his head and scoots himself into the middle of the circle until their knees touch. He nibbles his lower lip and Sousuke can't help but stare for a second, swallowing his heart away from his throat before leaning forward all at once and pressing his mouth against Ai's.

He stays there just long enough to register the warm press of Ai's lips against his own, struggling not to jerk himself away. His breath comes out shaky as Ai just stares for a moment before wiggling back to his spot. Nagisa is giggling incessantly and Rin won't stop staring at Sousuke with something almost angry on his face. 

Gou kisses Makoto on the cheek next, leaving the alpha blushing furiously and sending little glances to Haru like he's done something horribly wrong. Nagisa spends the whole time trying to win a kiss from Rei and winds up with Sejiuurou every time instead, both of them looking more and more comfortable with the kisses as they progress. Ai's spins land on both Haru and Makoto as do Rei's. 

Rin and Gou get each other both times, causing uproarious laughter from Nagisa and leaving them both looking upset. Sousuke almost has to kiss Gou until Rin actually starts snarling at him. They end the game with that, dispersing from the circle to get pizza. Momo whines at his brother about not being allowed to kiss anyone, resulting in a noogie that explains why he always looks like he doesn't know what a brush is.

Rin plops down next to Sousuke again before anyone else makes it back from the kitchen, glaring at him. At first Sousuke is curious if he's still upset over the game until Rin leans back on the couch with a click of his tongue. "You could've just told me you like Ai."

He freezes once again before hanging his head a little and rubbing the back of his neck. At least Rin's voice is quiet. He sighs and shrugs his shoulder, looking over at the other alpha after swallowing the pizza in his mouth. "Doesn't matter either way."

"You make me look like an ass if we're trying to court the same person," Rin snorts, still looking annoyed. Sousuke shrugs his shoulders, glancing at the kitchen and dropping his voice even lower.

"We're not trying to court the same person," he grumbles out, surprised as Rin jolts to sitting upright so fast he almost spills pizza on them both. His eyes are flaming but whatever he's about to say is clipped back inside his mouth as Ai walks in and settles himself next to Sousuke's legs once again, looking up with a giggle.

"That was pretty fun," he says warmly, flashing his teeth in a grin before he starts eating. Rin leans back in his seat again with a snort, glancing at Sousuke from the corner of his eye. Sousuke, to his credit, does not blush. It's not as if he hasn't kissed anyone before, it shouldn't be a big enough deal to send his heart hammering all over again. Ai nudges his foot with a soft laugh, looking up with a smile. "I figured you'd be my first kiss anyway."

Sousuke quite nearly chokes, wondering if this party is actually going to kill him. Instead he gives a kind of grunted agreement, trying hard not to think about that sentence at all. He fails, spending the rest of the time his friends are there thinking about how Ai hasn't kissed anyone but him; and Ai has thought about it, enough to where he assumed he and Sousuke would be kissing at some point in their lives. That alone is enough to leave him quietly dumbstruck until it's once again him and Ai sitting alone in the living room, Rin and Gou the last two to leave and only at Gou's insistence that she had things to get done at home and if Rin didn't get up right away she was walking by herself.

Ai smiles as he drops onto the couch next to Sousuke, stretching his legs out with a little giggle. “It was a good party.”

Sousuke glances over and shrugs, still trying to gain enough control of his thoughts to avoid embarrassing himself. Ai rolls his eyes in response and headbutts Sousuke's shoulder gently, laughing. “You're such a grump.”

That wins a smile from the alpha, rolling his shoulder in response as he rolls his eyes. Ai seems more natural that Sousuke's seen him in weeks; his smiles look real and he laughs easier, he even calmed Rin and Sousuke from getting in a fight. It was something only he was truly good at, he'd prevented the two of them from lunging each other or anyone else countless times, even before any of them had presented. Sejiuurou and Makoto could separate them in a pinch, but only after a fight had already broken out, rather than diffusing it entirely like Ai.

Sousuke laughs softly, giving Ai's hair a ruffle before sliding his arm free and standing up, raising an eyebrow at the omega. “You still need help with math?”

Ai smiles brightly at that, nodding and standing on the couch and pouncing from it onto Sousuke's back. He jumps a little in surprise but doesn't stumble from the additional weight. Ai is so light that he barely notices it until he's entering his room, hissing out a surprised breath at the sudden ache of his shoulder that does make him stumble, his whole back tensing. He sets Ai on the bed with a grunt, rolling his shoulders and trying not to hiss again.

“Sou?” Ai asks, his brows furrowed. He used to carry Ai around on his back constantly, the omega clinging to his back like a koala. He never struggled to pick him up or piggyback him around, but he's been having these strange aches in his shoulder recently. Still he smiles and shrugs it off, passing Ai his bag before dropping down next to him.

“You're heavy now,” he teases, rolling his eyes. Ai presses close to him while Sousuke talks him through several problems, giving up before he's actually finished the full assignment to demand they watch something on Netflix instead. Sousuke gives in easy, letting Ai fall asleep in his bed once again.

He flips the tv off with a little grunt, rolling so he's laying on his side pressed against Ai's back with a small smile. It's probably just his imagination that the omega smells sweeter than usual, but he nudges the bridge of his nose against the back of Ai's neck to get closer to the smell anyway. He's not sure when he shifts from trying to fall asleep as well to actively nuzzling the back of Ai's neck, noticing once again how small his embrace makes the omega seem. There's no mark left at the back of his neck, just fuzzy silver hairs that dance under every breath that puffs out of Sousuke's nose. The memory of his one delicate kiss with Ai claws its way to the front of his mind, and listening to the omega breathe soft and even he lets his thoughts wander further, to open mouths and grasping hands pulling the two of them closer together. He hugs Ai just a little closer, face lighting red as he realizes the flicker of dim arousal in his stomach has lit into something more concrete, his fingers twitching against Ai's side, hard against the back of his thigh.

He starts to shift in a half-hearted attempt to untangle himself until he can calm down again, biting down on a groan as it drags his arousal against the swell of Ai's ass. He stops short, staring at the unchanging back of Ai's head before pushing his knuckles against his mouth and slowly rolling his hips forward again, testing. Pleasure sparks sharply to life in his stomach and his eyes jam closed like it would make it less like rutting himself against his best friends back if he didn't watch himself do it. It doesn't help; closed eyes just allow his mind to generate images of Ai instead. Naked and flushed and clawing at his sheets while he rutted against them with the same ceaseless rhythm Sousuke was starting to build and whimpering into the air of the room. The alpha tries to picture what he would sound like; sorting mentally through the catalog of squeaks and giggles he was used to hearing and trying to mold their pitch in his mind. 

The ghost of Ai that he conjures up is softer and breathier, and with the memory of Ai mewling while Sousuke rubbed their necks together, exposing his throat entirely while Sousuke hovered over him. He'd been just on the edge of heat then, and Sousuke had snuck one of the pillowcases that still carried their intermingled scent under his bed so he could prolong the memory of it. He doesn't need it now, dropping his knuckles from his mouth and pressing his face into the curve of Ai's shoulder, his fingers flexing to grip the omegas hip and hold it steady. He keeps his eyes shut tightly, and doesn't picture himself touching Ai, it felt too much like crossing some invisible line. Instead he's stuck with images of Ai touching himself, with pink cheeks and slick glistening down his thighs as he knelt on his bed, trying to push fingers deeper into his wet little hole, struggling to stretch himself out far enough to satisfy with his much smaller fingers.

Sousuke's eyes flicker open, glancing down at where he's rubbing himself raw against Ai's ass before choking out a gasp as he cums from it. He huffs softly, face burning as he slumps his weight against Ai and tries to regain his breath, releasing the pressured grip around the omega's hip. Ai doesn't move, breathing even and easy even as Sousuke pulls himself out of bed before he's forced to sleep in the cooling mess that he's made for himself, stumbling into the small bathroom like he's half drunk with clean clothes clutched in his hand. He stuffs the dirty ones to the very bottom of the hamper and splashes cool water on his face once he's cleaned off, still sensitive and twitching with the aftershocks of his orgasm. 

When he lays back down he's rolled carefully away from Ai, for once not begrudging of the space between them. He curls the blanket around himself after throwing it a little carelessly over Ai, scared to touch him more than he has to. He scrunches his eyes shut, willing the tight knot in his stomach to go away. It would be easier to ignore the jumble of feelings if Ai weren't always so close to him, but the idea of putting any more distance between them, leaving Ai even more alone because of his stupid selfishness, only makes his stomach twist tighter.

He gives in far too easily, rolling over again and tugging Ai so he's tucked safely against the alpha's chest. It makes him smile even when it shouldn't, and he falls asleep with one arm slung over Ai's hip, waking up to find that the omega has tangled their legs and fingers together.

Ai looks over his shoulder with a sleepy smile, rolling so he's laying on his back and looking up at Sousuke with his head cocked to the side. His eyes are too bright for him to have just woken up, even as Sousuke rubs the sleep away from his own he can tell.

"You've kissed other people before, right?" He asks softly, voice burningly curious. Sousuke blinks twice at that before nodding his head mutely. It's not the question he expects to wake up to and Ai hums, seeming to think it over for a long moment. "I haven't."

"Y-yeah, you said," Sousuke grumbles, trying to pick out Ai's train of thought. Ai looks up at him like he's slow before sighing softly and rolling his eyes.

“So you could show me how to do it,” he fills in, sounding almost annoyed that he has to. Sousuke tries hard not to react, even with the sudden tightness in his throat and the way it feels like molasses has been poured on his brain.

“S-show you?” The words come out with a stumble that Sousuke curses internally. Ai giggles softly, cocking his head and it makes Sousuke painfully aware of how close together they are.

“I just don't wanna mess up my first real kiss, ya know?” The omega's voice is soft and sincere, but Sousuke is caught on the word 'real'. Something that kissing him isn't, apparently. He grunts, sitting up and rolling his eyes as he swings his legs off the side of the bed.

“You'll do fine on your own,” he grumbles out, trying hard not to think about the people Ai will share real kisses with. He shuffles off to brush is teeth, and the topic doesn't come up again once he finishes. The alpha is glad, and he keeps a careful gulf of distance between them, suddenly all too aware that he doesn't belong in Ai's space.

 

The call he gets from Nagisa immediately after practice is a surprise. He answers with a raised brow, letting the door to the locker room bang shut behind him. “Yeah?”

“Sou-chan! Um,” Sousuke struggles not to roll his eyes at the nickname. Nagisa sounds nervous, which is a new tone to Sousuke. “There was kinda, um, Rei-chan got in a fight and Ai-chan looks all dizzy so I don't think he should walk home alone.”

“Rei got into a fight with Ai?” He's not sure if he should be angry or worried about the end of the world. There's been less friction between the two of them than anyone else Sousuke knows, especially in their pack. He'd more quickly believe Makoto got into a fight with one of them than Ai and Rei.

“No! Sou-chan don't be a dummy,” Nagisa huffs and Sousuke can picture the blond omega rolling his eyes with the same pure annoyance he can hear in the tone.

“How is that me being-” Sousuke snorts and cuts himself off. Arguing with Nagisa is rarely fruitful anyways, best just to leave it alone. “Whatever, just stay there. I'm on my way.”

He hangs up after Nagisa lilts out a goodbye that's almost too saccharine. The jog from Samezuka to Sano starting to become all too familiar to Sousuke with the amount of times he's had to make it recently. He tries not to mind but having Nagisa of all people call him makes it seem like an issue he shouldn't have to be going out of his way to deal with for them.

Ai is sitting on the stairs when he arrives, his bag flopped over next to him with the contents dumped on the ground in even greater disarray than usual. He looks up at Sousuke and blinks his eyes, seeming confused that he's there at all before Nagisa bounds into the alpha's view instead.

“Sou-chan! You must run fast,” he giggles, but there's a hysterical edge to it that makes Sousuke a little more suspicious of this fight. He actually has to lean around Nagisa to see Rei at all, sitting a few feet away from Ai with broken glasses in his hands and a nasty bruise already attempting to swell his eye shut. He raises an eyebrow down at Nagisa, who seems to be the only one in proper condition to actually explain what was going on. Nagisa pitches his head forward and nuzzles at Sousuke's shoulder, and the alpha freezes but doesn't try to get away from the contact. He's not good at being comforting with anyone other than Ai, really.

"Okay so," Nagisa's head is still pressed into his shoulder when he starts speaking, leaving Sousuke to just stare at the mop of blond hair. "I was cleaning up after practice because I made Gou-chan mad, and Rei came out here to wait for me so we could walk home together because he promised to buy me an ice cream even though I didn't actually beat Kazu-chan in our race-"

"Nagisa. Focus," he tries not to snap as he cuts the omega off and apparently fails because Nagisa sighs and lifts his head up with a pout on his cherubic face. Sousuke rolls his eyes and nods at their battered friends, Ai now scrambling to gather things back into his bag. It seems odd; he was just sitting when Sousuke arrived, he didn't seem concerned about them then.

"Right right, okay. So Rei-chan was waiting and then um, there were these two alpha's who were um, being mean to Ai-chan," Nagisa glances over his shoulder at Ai, his lips twitching when the other omega doesn't look up to catch his gaze. "So Rei-chan stepped in to make them go away and apparently he's not very intimidating and one of them hit him... But that's okay because Rei-chan actually has a crazy right hook so he took care of it!"

Nagisa isn't even out of breath when he finishes rambling, which on any other day Sousuke would find impressive. Instead he pats Nagisa's head once awkwardly, giving him a nod before walking up the steps and sitting down next to Ai. He flips his bag carefully shut before leaning himself into Sousuke's side, sighing a little.

"I told Nagisa-kun to call my dad. I really didn't wanna bother you," he shrugs as Sousuke opens his mouth to argue, looking up and quirking his lips into a smile. "But we can walk home since you're already here."

Sousuke nods, letting Ai sit up all the way before helping him to his feet. He pauses, taking in Ai's slight sway before taking his bag and dropping back down to one knee instead. "Hop on."

"Ah- Sou," Ai starts but gives in without any further prompting, positioning himself on Sousuke's back and gripping a little tighter when the alpha stands and lifts him into the air. Ai is warm against his back and Sousuke almost smiles, walking carefully down the stairs and nodding at Nagisa as he shuffles Rei off. He makes a note to thank both of them later, currently they seem already totally absorbed by one another.

"So tell me what actually happened," he grumbles once they're on the way to Ai's house, resting one hand over both of Ai's where they rest in front of his neck. They feel so small and he squeezes his fingers a little tighter with a soft grunt.

"I-it wouldn't have been so bad if Rei-kun wasn't around," he sighs quietly, laying his chin against Sousuke's shoulder. It doesn't twinge this time and Sousuke's glad; the last thing he wants to do is drop Ai because of a weird muscle spasm. "T-they found, um, I had my journal with me."

His voice is quietly ashamed by it and Sousuke squeezes his hands once again in encouragement. He can't see Ai's face to tell if he smiles or not, but he hopes it helps. Ai picks back up regardless. "T-they were just reading it to each other and keeping it away from me... One of them shoved me when they saw Rei-kun and I hit my head pretty hard, I didn't actually see him do any fighting."

"Apparently you missed out then," Sousuke comments dryly, setting Ai down gently once they've reached his door. Ai smiles, taking his bag back from Sousuke and nodding his head.

"Thanks, Sou. I should've just called dad," he sighs, rubbing the back of his head before wincing and pulling his hand away quickly. "H-he's actually home today so..."

The door opens at that, and Sousuke looks up and smiles at Mitsuo, tucking his hands in his pockets. "I'm gonna head home, I guess."

The wiry beta stands there for a moment, taking in Ai's scuffed knees and slight sway before narrowing his eyes at Sousuke and snorting, shepherding Ai inside behind him. "I would appreciate it if you didn't come by again Yamazaki-kun."

Sousuke stops dead at that, blinking furiously like he's not sure if the words he heard were any language he actually spoke. What was he supposed to do? He and Ai basically lived together on the weekends. He can hear Ai start to argue from behind his father, but he's cut off before anything substantial comes out.

"I think you and Aiichirou need some time apart from one another. Your mother and I seem unable to see eye to eye on ground rules that should be set between you, and I would like to see my son safe once again," the door clicks shut in Sousuke's face at that and he's left gaping like a fish drowning on air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, that's probably worse than it sounds, right? Yeah. Probably.


	6. when i'm in your arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We can't keep doing this," his voice is clipped even as he pulls Ai into his arms and kisses his forehead once more. He presses his forehead against Sousuke's chest rather than looking and his face, his fingers curling into a weak fist. Sousuke shakes his head slowly, almost at himself. His hand goes back to stroking up and down Ai's spine. “Sharing a bed and... Everything.”
> 
> Ai catches his hesitation and nods slowly, remembering a similar conversation from years ago about the two of them holding hands. It stings just the same, but Ai can't bring himself to pull out of Sousuke's arms either. He'll stay as long as it's offered. “Okay.”
> 
> “Means something different now,” Sousuke mumbles at the ceiling, letting his eyes fall closed. Ai nods, closing his as well and trying not to frown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Verbal abuse, allusions to and discussions of self-injury in this chapter

Nagisa sits down next to Ai at lunch the next day with a clattering tray and a wide smile, rubbing the side of his head against Ai's temple with a giggle. "Say Ai-chan, yesterday was really scary, huh?"

Ai nods, frowning down at his food. The fight with his dad hadn't done anything to make him feel better once he'd gotten home either and he sighs a little, leaning against Nagisa's side with a huff. "Yeah, thank you for helping out Nagisa-kun."

"Of course!" His smile is blinding but slides away just as quick as it comes. His voice drops lower, sounding more pensive now. "Hey, do you remember last year when Sousuke caught that alpha trying to command you into kissing him?"

Ai blinks, lifting his head up and nodding slowly once again. He did remember of course; it had ended with Sousuke getting suspended for a week when he caught the alpha pinning a crying Ai up against one of the smaller gym buildings at the beginning of their lunch hour. Nagisa hums quietly, nibbling the end of one of his chopsticks.

"It's funny, I really expected him to be even madder than that yesterday when I told him what happened," Nagisa peeks up from under his hair curiously, his magenta eyes bright and clever as they watch Ai's reaction. "So people have been giving you trouble for awhile then Ai-chan?"

"Ah- N-Nagisa-kun," he stumbles as soon as he opens his mouth, all but giving himself away. He sighs and shrugs his shoulders, rubbing the back of his neck slowly. "It's really no big deal."

"That sounds like bullshit Ai-chan," Nagisa's voice doesn't change, still low and thoughtful. Ai almost forgets that Nagisa has this side hidden under all his sugary smiles and his casual pursuit of Rei. "I think Sou-chan would probably agree with me."

"It- it's been most of the year, yeah," Ai shrugs, snapping up as Gou and Rei sit down with them, plastering a smile back onto his face. Nagisa smiles as well, but his looks far more natural though it falters a little at the bruise around Rei's eye.

"Are you feeling better too Rei-chan?" He smiles, leaning like he's going to poke at the bruise but pouting when Gou slaps his hand away with a roll of her eyes.

"I still can't believe you two let poor Rei-kun get into a fight!" She glares at both the omegas sitting across from her, seeming ignorant of the way it makes Ai wither into a shell. He drops his hands under the table, pinching savagely at his thigh. He doesn't even have his cellphone to send Sousuke a message. "Why didn't you call Sousuke-kun or Nii-chan to start with?"

"Ah, I'm sure that was my fault Kou-san. I acted rather impulsively," Rei looks up with a little frown. He adjusts his glasses, apparently forgetting about the black eye and wincing when he pushes the red frames against the swelling. "I went home and memorized proper fighting techniques though, next time I'm sure the result will be much more satisfactory."

"You did pretty good already, Rei-chan," Nagisa giggles, going back to stuffing himself full of rice dusted with that horrible protein powder. Ai wrinkles his nose but stays quiet, releasing his grip on his leg and letting out a long breath. He's glad when they start talking about swimming instead because no one expects him to participate any further. Usually, it's the part of lunch that he spends messaging Sousuke and he doesn't miss the glances that Nagisa shoots at him the whole time. 

He stands before the blond omega finishes eating, sliding his bag over his shoulder and gripping the strap tightly in one hand. Gou startles like she's forgotten he was there at all but covers it quickly, nodding her head. "We'll see you later Ai-kun!"

He nods, giving them a wave and walking back down to the classroom. It's just starting to cool off and soon it will probably be too cool to sit at the beat up picnic table on the roof that they use now. Ai settles into his desk with a small sound of relief, blinking at the note sticking halfway out of it. It's on slightly crumpled and he cocks his head to the side as he unfolds it, flicking his eyes over the page as heat creeps into his cheeks. 

The writing is scrawled out in red pen, and his eyes skip down to Rin's name at the bottom after reading the contained confession over and over until people started to file back into the room and he slammed it back inside the desk, already struggling to focus on the room around him rather than meeting with Rin after classes were over.

 

His heart is hammering uncomfortably in his ears as he mills around behind the pool building, kicking his toe at a scattering of pebbles on the ground. He's still missing his phone, at least if he had it he could check how long he's been waiting here. He knows pretty well how long it takes for Sousuke to get from one school to the other and when he hears approaching footsteps he turns with a wide smile on his face. 

It's yanked off his face like a fish on a hook when he sees that it isn't Rin approaching, falling a step back with an uneven smile on his face. Kenta grins back at him like a cat that's caught the canary, cocking his head to one side and causing his black hair to flop further over, one eyebrow raised in question.

"Are you trying to hide from me now little Delta?" His voice is a purr and Ai cringes back despite himself. He doesn't look around for help; it's late and secluded enough that he doesn't really have a hope of finding it to begin with. He takes a deep breath, trying to set his feet more firmly, heart thudding desperately in his chest.

"I-I'm waiting to meet someone," he tries to sound confident in that fact, tilting his chin up. He can't bring himself to actually make eye contact, instead he's staring somewhere over Kenta's shoulder and hoping that it looks like he is. He keeps his hands stuffed in his pocket, balling his hands into fists as he struggles to stand his ground.

"Oh, are you?" His smirk grows wider, laughing as he takes a step forward and Ai falters. He keeps grinning like he's won something, stretching wide across his face and showing off all of his teeth. "You should let me wait with you, how long do you think we'll be here?"

Ai frowns a little, glancing at the path that leads around the side of the pool building. It sounds too confident like he's waiting on Ai to slip up and admit that he's lying. Ai clenches the note in his pocket, wrinkling it further and wondering if he should bolt and try to find Rin on his own. He's not usually faster than Kenta, but the alpha isn't usually alone either. That on its own is even more worrying and Ai twitches nervously despite himself. 

"So Delta, who are we waiting for?" He chuckles, sliding closer and this time ignoring Ai trying to back away. Ai swallows unevenly, the paper in his pocket crinkling in his grip.

"I-I'm waiting on Rin," he keeps his face lifted because he knows Rin is on the way. Once he shows up he won't have a reason to be scared at all. Kenta smirks now, leaning his shoulders back with his head still cocked curiously.

"Don't run away now. You don't wanna miss your meeting," there's a wicked glitter in his eyes. "Why don't you show me that paper you've got in your pocket?"

Ai's face drops entirely at that, clenching it tighter and shaking his head. He's fairly sure he won't ultimately have much choice in the matter, but Kenta doesn't move any closer right away, laughing softly when Ai doesn't respond. He shrugs his shoulders, taking a step back for the first time.

"That's fine. I already know what it says," he grins, scuffing his foot against the ground. "I figured it'd be fun to let you show up and wait here all night but if you actually called Matsuoka it'd ruin the whole thing."

Kenta pauses, letting the realization sink in and watching Ai's shoulders slump inwards. He lets go of the note, dropping his head to stare at the ground this time. 

"Then again, you were stupid enough to believe it in the first place so maybe you wouldn't have," he leans forward a little, laughing. "What's worse? Waiting here all night and not having him show up, or being desperate enough to think he likes you in the first place?"

"I-" Ai starts but snaps his mouth quickly. What's he going to say? He did believe it, and without his phone he would've waited until well after dark for Rin to show up. Ai pulls his hands out of his pockets, leaving the crumpled note there as he hugs his arms around himself with a frown. Usually he would argue, or fight, or run but now he just feels stupid and helpless. He'd been excited about seeing that note stuck in his desk, even if he wasn't sure that he had feelings for Rin in return. The alpha had always seemed like an older brother, or half a god depending on the day. "I just wanna go home."

He starts walking without looking up, cringing even before Kenta's hand snaps out and grabs the back of his collar, hauling him back with a laugh. He holds Ai there, shaking his head with a click of his tongue. "Y'know your friend was a real pain in my ass yesterday. I just wanted to remind you how things really were, if you think about it I'm actually being kinda nice to you here Delta."

Ai blinks at that, looking back at him with a frown and trying to shrug Kenta's grip away from his jacket. "W-what do you mean by that?"

"I could kick your ass for it, instead I'm just serving up a reminder," he laughs, letting go of Ai's jacket and shifting to grip his arm tightly, spinning him so they're face to face. Ai maintains his footing, giving his best effort to glare up at the alpha, failing when he can start to feel tears welling up in his eyes. "You'll do better if you remember that they don't want you. You end up in these situations because you're just fooling yourself."

"They're my friends, of course, they want me," his voice sounds hollow even to his own ears. It shouldn't still hurt this bad to hear it and Ai wraps his arms around himself again. Kenta laughs at that, not just a chuckle but a real laugh.

"I don't think they do, Delta. I mean the big guy tolerates you, but once he's tired of you what are you going to do?" Kenta pauses at Ai's dramatic flinch, and Ai can almost hear the gears turning in his head. His voice drops to a sinister purr. "Did you two have a fight? Poor thing."

"W-we didn't have a fight," Ai grumbles, stepping out of reach once again. His heart is hammering far faster than it should. Is that what's going to happen if he doesn't see Sousuke for awhile? He's going to realize he's better off without Ai bothering him all the time. The alpha had said that he needed Ai, but that was only because they hadn't been apart since they were kids. Now Sousuke's going to see how much easier it is without Ai bothering him, without all the worrying and trouble and then everyone else will leave too. It's a struggle to bring air into his lungs and it's making Ai start to feel dizzy.

He knows Kenta can sense the moment it becomes hard to breathe because of the panic swelling up inside his stomach and chokes the air away from his lungs. He swallows air in, breath wheezing out as the alpha steps further into his space. Ai screws his eyes shut, cringing in anticipation of a blow coming from somewhere. He wants to pull his arm free or fight back or just scream but he's still stuck on wondering if Sousuke might forget about him in a few weeks and he can barely think through the haze in his head. 

Kenta's knee hits him in the stomach and if Ai had any air in him at all it would've gone when he hit the ground. He curls in a ball out of reflex but instead the alpha kneels down next to him, giving Ai's hair a tug that's almost playful.

"Well I'm sure it's only a matter of time," Kenta pats Ai's shoulder with a laugh, grinning as Ai flinches at the contact. He walks away still laughing, leaving Ai alone and struggling to breathe. He slumps to where he set his bag down, digging through until he comes up with a red plastic inhaler, shaking it and depressing the button twice before pressing the plastic to his lips and breathing in deeply. He doesn't feel much better as he tucks it back away, but at least now he can breathe. He scrubs his hands at his eyes before pulling his bag on and standing up to walk home, swallowing down the tears that are still threatening him.

The house is dark and empty when he gets there, and Ai considers how he could've stayed out all night without being missed. It's well past dark and he doesn't bother to flick on the light until he reaches his room, dropping his bag and dropping on the bed with a quiet sigh. He wants to call Sousuke and get some kind of reassurance that they'll still be friends once his dad changes his mind, once Ai convinces him that Sousuke isn't a threat to him. It feels like the whole world is a threat without him and Ai is still rubbing tears away when he pulls out his books to study.

 

He stares at the digital readout that tells him it's three in the morning with a frown, pulling the blanket tighter around himself. He's been trying to sleep for hours and it's useless. Instead he tosses the blanket off himself for the third time, looking around the room before pulling himself out of bed and digging out clothes. He's not sure they match at all but doesn't take the time to think about it, jamming his extra uniform into his school bag and heading out the door before he can think better of it.

He's not as nervous as perhaps he should be, walking to Sousuke's house in the middle of the night. He doesn't run into anyone and all the lights are off when he gets there. He steps towards the door but hesitates, walking around the side of the house instead. He leans up on his toes, banging his fist on the window to Sousuke's bedroom that he can barely reach. He knows the alpha is a heavy sleeper, but he does it again anyway, squeezing his eyes shut as he pounds against the pane of glass.

When the light in the room flicks on he jerks back, a little surprised. Sousuke pushes the window open and stares down at him with sleepy eyes, slowly widening into surprise as he frowns. "Ai? What fucking time is it?"

"Late. Can I come in?" He tilts his head, gripping tight onto the strap of his bag and swallowing nervously. What if Sousuke doesn't want him to come in? What if he's already decided he doesn't want Ai anymore? "I would've called, but Dad took away my phone."

Sousuke blinks but nods, tilting his head towards the door. "Yeah. Go around front, I'm not pulling you in through the window."

It slides shut and Ai nearly jogs to reach the door, shifting his weight a little as he stands in front of it. There're bits of dried blood on his fingers that he tries to rub off quickly, smiling when the door opens like everything is normal with this situation. Sousuke lets him step in, locking the door with a little shake of his head. 

"You're telling me what this is about," he says once the door is shut behind him. His voice is low and scratchy from sleep and Ai sets his bag to the side before shrugging his shoulders. It's not going to pass and he knows it, so he digs in his bag and pulls out the abused note instead, passing it over.

"It's fake," he says before Sousuke even starts reading it. He doubts the alpha would believe it was real from the beginning, he's much smarter than Ai is. Sousuke stares at it with his jaw set and his eyes hard, turning and dropping it on the trash with a harsh snort.

"Are you okay?" He's reaching one hand out as he asks and Ai nods his head a little too quickly. He knows what Sousuke means, and for once he's fine physically, at least for the most part. If he doesn't answer Sousuke will just start pressing at him and there are razor-made lines crosshatching his side that Ai knows he doesn't want to explain tonight. He wants to lay in bed with his best friend and feel safe, like things aren't crumbling away from underneath him.

"He just wanted to laugh at me," Ai mumbles after a moment, huffing and flopping back on Sousuke's bed. He should ask, or roll over and at least pretend to pull out the spare futon. He doesn't do either and after a moment of staring Sousuke flips the light off and slides into bed next to him. He's only wearing a pair of old sweats and when Ai curls up against the alpha's chest his fingers are grazing over bare skin. He doesn't mind it at all, Sousuke's warm and it seems like he's growing more and more muscular by the day, and Ai's skin is cold from making the walk without a jacket. It makes Sousuke shiver for a moment before he pulls Ai closer with a little sigh that sounds like contentment, letting the omega use his chest as a pillow.

"It's probably stupid that I missed you," Ai admits quietly, closing his eyes as Sousuke strokes up and down his back slowly. The alpha hums out a laugh, and Ai can feel his shoulders rise and fall with a shrug. He nuzzles his head against Sousuke's chest just a little. He still wants more contact, something else to reassure him that this isn't going anywhere. He flutters his eyes open, letting his mouth move without trying to catch the words in his mind first. "Will you kiss me again?"

Sousuke's steady breathing under him stops and Ai frowns, dropping his head back down and feeling his face burn for having asked. It feels like a long time and Sousuke doesn't say anything, instead he lifts his hand from Ai's back and strokes his hair, his breathing picking up again in an uneven rhythm. He shifts, pressing a feather light kiss to Ai's forehead and letting his lips linger there. Ai leans his head into it and feels his cheeks flush further. It wasn't what he was asking for, but it feels nice nonetheless, and it's a surprise when Sousuke draws back and shifts so they're laying facing one another instead.

He's frowning for a second before he leans forward, kissing both of Ai's cheeks and ghosting out a sigh. His hand is cradling the back of Ai's head and the omega's stomach is fluttering in a way that it didn't during their stupid game of spin the bottle. On impulse, he tilts his head and nibbles the bottom of Sousuke's chin a little, swallowing and blinking wide-eyed when the alpha tilts his face down to stare for a long moment before pressing their lips together.

Ai can hear blood roaring through his ears, but all the feeling in his body has shrunk to points of contact, the press of their lips together and Sousuke's bare chest under once of his hands. It makes Ai feel dizzy and breathless all over again and when Sousuke leans back he licks his lips in confusion. Sousuke lifts his hand away from the back of Ai's head almost reluctantly, covering his face with it and rolling onto his back again. Ai frowns, nudging his head against the alpha's bicep and raising an eyebrow. "What?"

"We can't keep doing this," his voice is clipped even as he pulls Ai into his arms and kisses his forehead once more. He presses his forehead against Sousuke's chest rather than looking and his face, his fingers curling into a weak fist. Sousuke shakes his head slowly, almost at himself. His hand goes back to stroking up and down Ai's spine. “Sharing a bed and... Everything.”

Ai catches his hesitation and nods slowly, remembering a similar conversation from years ago about the two of them holding hands. It stings just the same, but Ai can't bring himself to pull out of Sousuke's arms either. He'll stay as long as it's offered. “Okay.”

“Means something different now,” Sousuke mumbles at the ceiling, letting his eyes fall closed. Ai nods, closing his as well and trying not to frown.

“I know,” it's not quite a lie; he knows there is meaning there. Something building between them that Ai can't quite put a name to yet, making him feel like he's staring into the sky and trying to puzzle out how many stars there are. It makes him feel tiny, insignificant. 

He's surprised it doesn't quite feel like a rejection, maybe because for now he's still wrapped up warm and sheltered with Sousuke's heart beating under his cheek. But it feels like there is something else laying unsaid that gets lost when they both fall asleep.

 

He wakes up to a feminine voice speaking softly from behind him. “Yes, he's right here- with all of his limbs in the right places even.”

Ai almost groans but instead pushes his eyes shut and keeps his breathing slow and even, feigning sleep and listening as Miki starts talking again. “No, I did not tell him to come here.”

She pauses before snorting harshly. “What I think Mitsuo is that you've pushed him into a corner and now you're getting pushed back.” 

There's another pause and her voice drops low and almost dangerous. “You clearly don't know my son well enough if you think that-”

“No, no you don't. Just because you think you've got everything figured out-” She pauses with a grunt and Ai peeks one eye open to see her shaking her head, standing at the foot of the bed and facing the door. “Have you considered that maybe he wants to be around his best friend because something is going on.”

“Because you've been giving him so much reason to think you won't overreact,” she barks out a single bitter laugh and shakes her head again. “Look... I obviously can't change your mind, but I'm not going to stand here and listen to your insane accusations about a boy who has never even looked at Aiichirou cross-eyed before. And I'm certainly not telling them they can't be friends because you said so. Whatever talk you have with him is your business.”

She sighs and Ai closes his eyes again quickly, burrowing into Sousuke's chest a little further and wishing he hadn't heard anything at all. “Of course I'll make sure he gets to school.”

Her phone clips shut, followed by a string of grumbled out curses that convince Ai to continue pretend being asleep for a moment longer. She trails back out of the room and Ai sighs softly, nuzzling his forehead against Sousuke's chest and dozing off again. He's not sure how long he falls asleep for, waking up instead to Sousuke rolling to the side to turn off the alarm on his phone with a heavy groan.

He looks at Ai laying in his bed and blinks for a moment before blood creeps into his cheeks. He laughs, but it's not quite right, rubbing the back of his head and looking away from where Ai is still curled up in his blankets. “I kinda thought that was a dream.”

“S-sorry,” Ai mumbles, sitting up and starting to stretch before dropping his arms suddenly. If Sousuke notices he doesn't say anything, pushing himself out of the bed with a heavy sigh. Ai can't help but stare as he rolls his shoulders, suddenly feeling unaccustomed to seeing his best friend without a shirt, at least with all of the new muscle and broadness of his back. This time he blushes, standing up himself and digging his uniform out of his bag. “F-for showing up like that.”

“Don't be sorry about that,” the toothbrush in his mouth muffles Sousuke's words a little but Ai smiles nonetheless, getting changed before Sousuke finishes with brushing his teeth. He's leaning on the frame of the door when Ai turns around, a heavy frown on his face. 

Ai frowns in return, not adjusting the hem of his shirt only through a great force of will. It will only give away that he was trying to hide something from Sousuke in the first place. After looking elsewhere for a moment, he meets the alpha's eyes and feels instantly guilty over how sad he looks.

“I can show you if you want, it's nothing major,” he offers. He doesn't want to; Sousuke is the last person he wants to show off all of his ugly sadness too, but he's also the last person that Ai wants to feel like he's hiding from. Sousuke hesitates, glancing at his bedroom door before shaking his head slowly.

“I just-” he sighs, closing his eyes and pressing two fingers to his temples. Ai flushes, shifting in place and giving in to the temptation to adjust his shirt now. “Can you tell me why?”

“It- makes me feel better I guess,” he shrugs and bites his lip as Sousuke frowns at the response. He drops to sitting on the edge of the bed, kicking his feet out and staring at them. “It's like there's just... too much going on inside me all at once. It's the only way I can let some of it out.”

Sousuke's footsteps are light across the floor but when he settles on his knees in front of Ai it sounds like he's crashing to the floor. Ai tucks his feet back towards the bed and Sousuke leans his head against Ai's kneecap with a groaning sort of sigh. “Ai- I just... please don't.”

The omega hesitates before reaching his hands out and stroking them through Sousuke's thick hair. The alpha leans up at the contact and looks up at him with his mouth open a little like he wants to make more words come out but can't. Ai nods his head, leaning forward and resting their foreheads together, still petting Sousuke's hair between his fingers. “I'll try. I know you wanna help.”

Sousuke nods and despite his assertion the night before makes no attempt to pull away, tilting his head and kissing Ai again.


	7. i'd go to hell and back with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something like an edge of panic in Ai's voice and Sousuke frowns harder, taking a breath and searching for what he wants to say. That they're still friends, even if it has to be different because Sousuke is intent on ruining things as they are? He's sure Ai knows it already, that there's no actual way to separate them permanently.
> 
> "Please don't leave me," Ai is barely whispering, and if Sousuke wasn't so intent on him in that moment he would have missed it entirely. He melts because he can't help but do anything else, releasing one gripped fist and edging half a step closer to Ai can reach out and actually grip it in both of his. He swallows, tilting his chin down and starting to say something else.

Sousuke drifts through the rest of the morning in a haze that's tempered with the memory of Ai tucked safe and precious against his bare chest, of kissing Ai's forehead and his cheeks and the taste of their lips pressing together. It's tempered by having told Ai they couldn't do it again, and he's still not sure that he's happy those words came out of his mouth. He can't keep up with it though, it feels like withering away every time Ai presses close to him, like being hugged and being strangled at the same time.

His shoulder is sore again, straining when he hoists his bag on it and he tries his best to push the pain to the back of his mind. It nags at him still, always on the edge of his attention like having the wind constantly tickling the back of his neck or something lurking in the very corner of his vision. It's been getting worse lately, the bad days cropping up more and more without any real reason behind them. He doesn't stop pushing when he swims, still carries his bag on his right and not his left; he looks through the pain like it doesn't exist in the hopes that it will somehow become true that way.

Sousuke can't help pressing his hand against his mouth during lunch that day, the phantom memory of Ai's lips against his hard to let go of. Sejiuurou glances up like he's noticed the weird habit but doesn't say anything, turning back to the story Makoto is telling at the other side of the table. Rin sitting on Sousuke's other side nudges their shoulders together, raising an eyebrow at him.

"We should tell Mikoshiba about Ai," he grumbles, low enough not to be heard. Obviously he'd heard about Rei's fight from his sister but Sousuke just shrugs, glaring down at his food a little. Mikoshiba is the oldest and when push comes to shove they all look at him as a leader, but it's not Sousuke's business to tell on Ai's behalf, he feels bad enough for having shared the trouble with Rin. The other alpha snorts at his reluctance, shaking his head sharply. "You're just gonna keep doing nothing?"

"Ai wants to deal with it himself," it hurts to say and he doesn't really want to admit to it. He's not doing anything more than picking up the pieces that fall off of Ai and he clenches one hand into a fist, shaking his head.

"So he's actually doing something about it? Is he gonna talk to Mikoshiba or one of his teachers?" Rin presses further, his brow furrowing as he shakes his head. Finally Rin's voice drops to a growl, annoyed and on the edge of snapping. "Then he's not fucking dealing with it. Is it really better to let that shit go on than risk him being pissed for a few days?"

"I can't make that choice for him," Sousuke growls in return, shaking his head. He and Rin have been bristling at each other for days and he suspects it has everything to do with Ai and nothing at all to do with bullying. He jabs at Rin's side with his elbow, snorting. "Just.. leave it alone Rin."

"Like hell," Rin does snap this time and both of them are pushing their chairs back almost in unison. Sousuke's grown a head taller than the other alpha and he straightens to use his height, his lip curling over his teeth in a snarl. He may not be intimidating in the same way that Rin is, but he knows him too well to back down to his glaring and flashy teeth.

"Oi oi," Sejiuurou stands at that, rolling his eyes and pulling Sousuke back a step so he and Rin aren't pressed chest to chest, shaking his head in irritation. "Quit it you two."

Sousuke snorts, dropping back into his seat and ignoring the way Rin continues to glare at him. Rin takes a step back crossing his arms and nodding at Sejuurou still carefully between them. Sousuke can't blame the older alpha, he and Rin can drop in and out of fights quicker than anyone and even after they've stepped back the wrong word can set them off all over again. "Tell him now or I will."

"It's none of his fucking business and it's none of yours either," Sousuke looks up, gritting his teeth around the words. It's not really true and he knows it, but Ai trusted his problems in Sousuke and if he turns around and throws that away now he risks losing that trust. Sejiuurou cocks an eyebrow at that, looking between him and Rin sharply.

"What isn't my business?" He asks slowly, shooting Makoto a glance that looks to Sousuke like it's a cry for help. Makoto stands with the same peaceful smile he always has, hovering behind Sousuke like he might have to help hold him back from lunging at Rin. He's not far off base when Rin draws himself up taller and turns away from glaring at Sousuke to focus on Sejiuurou.

"Some pack of kids from Sano keep bullying Ai. They're probably the same ones Rei got into a fight with the other day," Rin's almost smirking when he says it like he's won something. Sousuke almost lunges out of his seat once again, intent on taking the moment to shut Rin's mouth for him when Makoto clamps down on his shoulders to prevent him. "Sousuke's known for weeks, probably the whole time."

"Not the whole time," Sousuke corrects with a growl. Sejiuurou nods tightly, looking down at Sousuke and raising an eyebrow. Sousuke shrugs, narrowing his eyes at Rin and clenching his fists tightly in his lap. "He asked me to stay out of it, I assumed that meant not involving fucking everyone he knows."

"Well it's bullshit," Rin shoots back and as much as Makoto usually scolds him for his mouth, he's gone strangely quiet. He's still holding on to Sousuke's shoulders, his hands gripping a little tighter in the fabric of his blazer. Haru is still in his seat and Sousuke doesn't turn to survey the always impassive omega. It's not worth it, he figures it's not water so it's not likely to be a blip on his radar.

"Well it's still not your fucking choice," Sousuke grits, aware that Sejiuurou hasn't said anything on the topic yet. "If Ai wanted people to know he would've said something."

"So you know who it is?" Sejiuurou asks, cocking an eyebrow and sounding distinctly disapproving. Sousuke shrugs, rolling his shoulders backward to remove Makoto's hands. He grits his teeth a little as the motion brings back the twinge in his shoulder, but it passes for more anger. 

"I'm not sharing anything that Ai doesn't want everyone knowing," he grumbles after a minute and Sejiuurou nods. He looks angrier than Sousuke is used to seeing him; his image of the older alpha has always been someone sort of jolly but intense in competition, and Ai has always seemed a little too intimidated by the latter to forge much of a friendship with him. Sousuke sighs, letting his shoulders sag a little in defeat. "I think you should talk to him though. He hides a lot of it from me, but it seems... bad."

He doesn't want to elaborate further than that and he's glad when Sejiuurou nods and retakes his seat without asking anything more. He's a leader for a reason, Sousuke figures, unlike Rin and himself who are ruled by their tempers and impulses to protect the other members of the pack. Nagisa has dubbed them both Enforcers after some American hockey movie that he and Rin both love. Rin is still huffing when he sits but they made it through the end of lunch without trying to rip each other's throats out again which is probably progress. Makoto goes quiet and Sousuke catches the storm cloud that's taken residence over his head, along with one of Haru's hands that's no longer resting on the table. 

They disperse back to class, but Sousuke can't put things out of his mind until practice is finished and Sejiuurou asks both him and Rin to stay for a minute, his characteristic grin all dried up. Rin crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow, expecting a reason that he's not either swimming or getting ready to go home, Sousuke just shifts his goggles around his arm, in no hurry. He's aware he's got a lashing coming from his mom for letting Ai sneak in the house in the middle of the night and he's not exactly eager for that either.

"Whatever the issue with you two is, I want it worked out," Sejiuurou lifts a hand to stop Rin when he opens his mouth to argue. "We're a pack and if you need someone to talk it out with I've always got the time, but I'm not pulling you two off each other every day."

They both grumble out some kind of assent, Sousuke tacking a sigh on the end for good measure. Sejiuurou nods, stretching his arms over his head and giving a sigh of his own. "As for the business with Nitori-kun I'll try and find some time to talk to him. I know he's down a cellphone right now... Can you pass on a message Sousuke-kun?"

"His dad isn't allowing me to see him," Sousuke grumbles out reluctantly, rubbing the back of his neck with a sigh when both of them look shocked. "He thinks I'm the one pushing Ai around."

"Okay. I'll talk to Ryugazaki-kun about setting it up then," this time Sousuke starts to argue until Sejiuurou rolls his eyes. "I won't say anything about why, though I imagine he'll hazard a guess it's related to his black eye."

Sejiuurou gives Rin a sort of dismissive nod, his focus still on Sousuke. He realizes that he and Sejiuurou are getting close to one another in height, the older alpha standing barely a few centimeters above him. "I get that you don't wanna go around sharing whatever Nitori-kun tells you in confidence. You two are close and I imagine you know a lot about him that I don't, but I need you to be honest and tell me if he needs help here or not."

"He does," Sousuke agrees, albeit reluctantly. Sejiuurou nods in return, humming thoughtfully to himself before looking back to Sousuke. He smiles in a way that Sousuke is more used to, crossing his arms over his damp chest.

“I won't tell him about you or Rin saying anything but if it involves him it concerns all of us,” Sejiuurou pats his shoulder with that, turning to the locker room but grinning back over his shoulder. “And I still expect you and Rin to handle your shit.”

Sousuke waves his hand in dismissal, following after the older alpha. He couldn't help but think Ai needed to hear that more than he did. Rin is already gone when he finishes showering and changing, which is just as well, Sousuke can only safely avoid the trouble he's in for so long.

He gets home to a fresh but slightly cooled pot of tea and his mom looking distinctly annoyed. He's always gotten comments about how he must look exactly like his father because he's a direct contrast to Miki's light brown hair and candy-pink eyes. He doesn't know, he's never had a reference but the frown etched onto his face is an exact mirror of hers. He sits when she inclines her head at the empty side of the table, dropping his bag by his feet.

“You know you can't do that again,” she starts softly, her fingers wrapped around the teacup and both eyebrows raised.

“He showed up in the middle of the night- I couldn't just make him walk home again,” he grumbles but nods when she glares a little in response, shrugging his shoulders. “I know I can't do that again.”

“Good,” she hums, smile catching the corners of her lips. “Nitori-san may be wrong in every possible way, but he won't realize that if you just give him more to blame you for.”

She sighs, reaching out and giving Sousuke's hand a squeeze when his shoulders tense then droop inwards. “He's scared and he's putting it all on you, I know you wouldn't hurt Aiichirou-kun.”

Sousuke hums at that, turning his eyes away and looking at his knees instead. “I'm worried I can't really help him enough.”

“Well, you can't punch every problem until it goes away,” she lights a smile when he grunts. “Have you not gotten to try punching yet?”

“He asked me not to,” Sousuke admits begrudgingly. She chuckles softly at his scowl and shrug before he continues. “Might not matter now; Mikoshiba caught wind of it so he's gonna talk to Ai.”

“Caught wind?” She cocks an eyebrow, still smiling as Sousuke frowns at his untouched tea.

“Rin,” he grunts out, shaking his head. “Mikoshiba doesn't solve problems with his fists though.”

“You've got good people in your pack, I think things will work out okay,” she stands with a smile and a wink, pressing a kiss to his temple. “All of it. I know having Aiichirou-kun around makes you happy.”

Sousuke grimaces and turns away to hide the flush creeping up his cheeks. He sure she sees it anyways, ruffling his hair and grabbing the pot of tea, carrying it back to the kitchen.

“This doesn't mean I'm condoning you getting into fights either Sousuke,” she grumbles after herself and at that he breaks into a small smile that he can't help. He's always gotten into some kind of trouble for the numerous fights through the years though it always varies based on how worth fighting for it was, and whether or not it was with Rin.

He drinks the tea slowly, flipping through homework and glancing up every so often to watch Miki cook with a small smile. She doesn't prompt him into talking much more but does raise an eyebrow when he lingers around the kitchen in a bumbling effort to help clean. She shoos him out before he can actually cause any damage.

He hates that his body tenses as soon as he walks into his room; Ai's smell still lingering warm and sweet and making his mouth go dry at the memory he doesn't have any way of evading any further. Ai crawling into his bed and asking for a kiss, even the thought makes his stomach constrict around itself in a knot. He's struggling not to attach things to it that probably don't exist because Ai scared and lonely and trying to reach out to his best friend for comfort doesn't mean he's looking for anything further. Sousuke frowns at the bed, then at himself, shaking his head and sinking down at the barely used desk to continue studying instead. 

He tries to be glad about the distance he put between them; he can't keep taking advantage of Ai's desire for closeness just to fuel the tangle of feelings that he's too much of a coward to actually confront. He groans, pushing his palms against his eyes and giving up on his work before anything really gets finished, his mind jumping hopelessly from one type of sense memory to the next, filling his head up to bursting with thoughts of Ai that he can't shake or process without getting angry at himself for. Things like pulling Ai closer so he could feel the omega against his bare chest, kissing him before they left separately for school because having Ai's fingers in his hair, seeing him actually smile for real right after seemed worth it.

 

He doesn't see Ai when the weekend hits, and Rin doesn't respond to the two messages Sousuke sends to see if he's busy, so for the first time in a long time he spends his weekend mostly by himself. He cleans most of the house with his mom and while he never regrets time spent with her she's full of knowing glances and chuckles and winks whenever Ai comes up somehow. It's almost enough to drive Sousuke crazy and he walks to Sano after school because there's no swim practice and he's so stuffed full of nervous energy that the idea of going home and being cooped up again makes his skin crawl like it wants to separate from his bones entirely.

He's a little surprised when he sees Ai walking away from the pool with a small frown on his face but lifts his hand in a wave regardless, catching the omega's attention and cocking his head with a little grin. Ai jogs over to where he's standing, but his smile looks so forced that Sousuke's heart twists in his chest, leaving him feeling like this was a stupid idea to begin with. Ai glances over his shoulder before looking up at Sousuke, smiling just a little more naturally.

"Did you walk all the way over here to visit?" Ai's almost giggling when he asks and Sousuke glances away a little before shrugging. He did, but when Ai asks so directly he doesn't really want to admit it. The knot of tension hasn't left his stomach yet and he doesn't know quite what to say. It doesn't matter, Ai picks up on his own. "I'd walk home with you, but Dad is supposed to pick me up."

"Oh, right," Sousuke cringes at the way his voice falls without his permission, pinching his nose between two fingers and shaking his head sharply. "That's fine. Did he give you your phone back?"

Ai frowns and shakes his head with a sigh, kicking at the pavement and rolling his eyes. "I'm still in a lot of trouble for sneaking out."

"Does it really count as sneaking? There was no one home to even hide from," Sousuke rolls his in return and Ai shrugs. The omega looks down with a sharp frown, talking directly to the pavement.

"D-did you... I, um," he stumbles over whatever he's trying to say before sucking in a deep breath and lifting his head up. "I'm sorry about all of that, I know it was sorta, um-"

Ai cuts himself off again, glancing up through his lashes at Sousuke's confused face before sighing and bring up both hands to cover his, face stained dark red under them. "I'm sorry about a-asking you to kiss me and stuff, I know we're old enough that it's getting weird and I won't do it again! I just- I thought it would."

"O-oh," Sousuke grunts out, shaking his head sharply. It's the exact reminder that he didn't want; that kisses between them didn't occur to him as something romantic, that he wasn't looking for them to mean something more to begin with, he wanted the same childish comfort he got when Sousuke kissed his cheek during their play in elementary school. He wanted the same comfort that had come with Sousuke holding firmly onto his tiny hand until people started laughing at them for it and Sousuke told them they couldn't anymore. Suddenly all of it is too much and he can feel himself glaring before he can actually do anything to stop it. "Yeah. We won't do it again."

"S-Sousuke?" Ai looks up at him with a blink, looking shocked by all the venom that tone carried. For once Sousuke doesn't relent to the doe-eyed openness of Ai's face, shaking his head harshly and clamping his hands into fists. He knows, somewhere inside and underneath the geyser that just opened up in his stomach that Ai is hurting all the time lately and wants more to hold on to, but he can't handle the idea of clinging to things he's never going to get any more. He doesn't want the hope for it to keep flitting in and out of his grasp.

"Just- no more, okay? Get Nagisa to cuddle you or something," his voice doesn't lose its bite and Ai's brow pinches together in confusion, his mouth dropped open in surprise before he draws himself up just a little taller, trying to straighten his shoulders out. 

"What's wrong with you?" It seems like his voice comes out softer than he means it because he clears his throat before trying to speak again; Sousuke does his best not to notice the shine in his eyes. He and Ai don't fight, they've never had a reason to before. "Why are you mad at me?"

"I told you, it means something different," he emphasizes the last word, clenching his fists tighter. He doesn't want to lash out at Ai any further but once he starts talking again it's like a faucet that he can't shut off. "It means something different to you than it does to me, it's unfair."

He doesn't specify further because he's not sure which one of them it's more unfair for. He's clinging to a hope that doesn't exist, that at some point he'll fold Ai into his arms and Ai will suddenly realize what it's supposed to mean, or that he's giving Ai everything he asks for because the alpha is always selfish enough to keep wanting more. 

"I don't understand what you mean," Ai's voice sounds so fragile that it almost breaks through the wall Sousuke's trying to build up. He pushes through it anyway, squeezes his eyes shut and lets his nails dig into his palm. He can hear other people moving around them, some whispering, it's the worst possible place to have an argument that makes Sousuke feel like there are claws ripping his chest open from the inside out. He does it anyway.

"I mean I don't want to be something else you just use to feel better," it's lying, and it tastes like glass in his mouth because before the moment he realized he felt something entirely different for Ai he'd never lied to the omega before. It's important now, he has to do it. He has to get rid of these illusions for himself. Ai sucks in a breath and looks up at him with a quiver in his chin like he's trying to understand that this is still Sousuke he's talking to. Sousuke hates it, but he hates even more how he still wants to reach out and pull Ai warm and safe against him, to rub his back and cradle his head and make all his pain go away.

He can't now, and he's wondering if he ever really could before. Ai swallows unevenly, shaking his head back and forth hard, taking a step forward that pushes the alpha back one in return. "Y-you know I don't mean things like that Sou. P-please, don't-"

There's something like an edge of panic in Ai's voice and Sousuke frowns harder, taking a breath and searching for what he wants to say. That they're still friends, even if it has to be different because Sousuke is intent on ruining things as they are? He's sure Ai knows it already, that there's no actual way to separate them permanently.

"Please don't leave me," Ai is barely whispering, and if Sousuke wasn't so intent on him in that moment he would have missed it entirely. He melts because he can't help but do anything else, releasing one gripped fist and edging half a step closer to Ai can reach out and actually grip it in both of his. He swallows, tilting his chin down and starting to say something else.

It doesn't make it out, there's the blaring of a horn directly behind Ai that makes him leap back in surprise, wheeling and frowning at his dad parking alongside them. Ai holds his hands up quickly and Sousuke just keeps glaring at nothing, aware that Ai is on the edge of tears and he's standing there looking like he's about to hit something. He's not, he wouldn't, the thought alone makes his stomach churn like he wants to be sick, but he knows Mitsuo already has his mind made up. He rounds the car and glares as harshly as he can at Sousuke, seeming to realize at that moment that the alpha is taller than him now. Both his hands squeeze around Ai's shoulders, pulling him back another step.

"Dad! Wait, Sousuke and I are-" He stops short when Sousuke already starts turning away without a word, trying to shrug the grip off of his shoulders. Mitsuo releases Ai only to step in front of him entirely, reaching out and gripping onto Sousuke's arm.

"I don't want you around him anymore," Mitsuo is actually trying to growl at him and Sousuke would laugh at exactly how intimidating it isn't, except at the moment it's everything he needs to hear. Instead, he brushes the beta's hand off and shrugs a shoulder, nodding.

"Sure, fine," he grumbles even though it's neither and he can register that Ai's voice is saying something, yelling something at him, but he wills himself not to hear it and turns and walks in the opposite direction. He doesn't rush, doesn't break out into a run. It's not the way home, but that's not really where he wants to go anyway, he just wants to find somewhere to get all his anger and energy out. He doesn't look back at the sound of Ai being bundled into the family car, his jaw set in a hard line and his back too tight and straight to actually be comfortable. It's dark when he finally bundles himself through the door and for once he ignores his mom's concerned look entirely, giving a rolling shrug of his shoulders and banging the door to his room shut.

He's never been so happy to come home to a room that smells like air freshener and fresh laundry in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at all that plot advancement. Wow.


	8. and your prayers, they're not fables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You really wanna make them ask you to go?” He doesn't laugh when he asks, he doesn't sound entertained at all by the question. Ai shifts uncomfortably on the bench but shakes his head slowly. He doesn't know how you're supposed to split from a pack; whether you wait until they tell you to go or if you should duck out before then. It seems like it's going to happen either way though, maybe it would be better to just accept it and slide away quietly. There's no one to miss him without Sousuke, and it's not like he has to stop being friends with all of them entirely, right?
> 
> “I guess not,” he agrees slowly, tying a sharp knot at the top of his lunch and frowning. He keeps his head bent as he stands, not even cringing away when Kenta lifts a hand and takes hold of his wrist. It's almost gentle and he stops instantly, swallowing and trying to brace himself before he turns back around. Kenta lets go as soon as he does, giving him an affable smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little on the short side, but I couldn't think of anything I wanted to add really. No specific warnings on this one, enjoy!

Ai figures maybe letting Nagisa chatter at him through the whole lunch period might make him feel better, but when Rei stares at him for a moment before walking out with his food in hand and his eyes full of pity he decides against it. They all heard about his fight with Sousuke, he doesn't really think anyone missed that particular piece of news since it happened right outside the school.

Instead, he stands with his lunch and sighs before wandering out to the bench where he used to sit with Sousuke to eat by himself. It makes him feel foolish even as he spreads the cloth covering his lunchbox out on his lap, but he pushes it away with a small frown. If he were more like Rin he might have thought to bring his headphones to school, but he doesn't have those either. It's too quiet and while he eats he feels like everyone is staring at him.

He jumps almost out of his skin when Kenta sits down next to him with a grin, looking up at the trees and stretching his legs out with a thoughtful hum. Ai ducks his head low and for a long minute doesn't say anything at all, just picks at his lunch in the hope that the alpha will decide that this is boring and just wander off.

“It's a nice spot for lunch,” his tone is conversational not even mocking and Ai falters despite himself, looking up and cocking his head to the side. Kenta smiles, and for once it doesn't feel like he's trying to just show his fangs. His teeth aren't as sharp as Rin's, but they have more defined points and Ai has always found it a little unsettling. “I heard you got in an argument with Yamazaki.”

“Oh,” Ai isn't sure to respond and in his confusion he finds himself nodding slowly, looking back at his food with a frown. “I-I guess so- yeah.”

“Too bad,” Kenta hums, almost to himself. Ai is still waiting for the moment when he gets laughed at or shoved into his lunch or something else that will make him want to hide for the rest of the day. Kenta is barely even looking at him, a faraway look on his face instead. “My best friend moved away last year, ya know.”

“M-Matsukawa-kun, right?” Ai asks after a hesitation, setting his chopsticks down and tilting his head. He's still not sure what this is or what he should do but his dad did say he should just try talking if someone gave him trouble, before he'd made up his mind that it was Sousuke and ruled out talking entirely. Kenta nods, slouching his shoulders.

“Yeah. So what are you gonna do about his pack?” Kenta's voice is still easy, almost like the whisper of a snake. Ai doesn't miss that its Sousuke's pack, not his. He doesn't even disagree, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I mean, I guess I was just going to let them decide,” his voice comes out softer than he means it and he busies himself with tucking his food away instead. His appetite has waned anyways. 

“You really wanna make them ask you to go?” He doesn't laugh when he asks, he doesn't sound entertained at all by the question. Ai shifts uncomfortably on the bench but shakes his head slowly. He doesn't know how you're supposed to split from a pack; whether you wait until they tell you to go or if you should duck out before then. It seems like it's going to happen either way though, maybe it would be better to just accept it and slide away quietly. There's no one to miss him without Sousuke, and it's not like he has to stop being friends with all of them entirely, right?

“I guess not,” he agrees slowly, tying a sharp knot at the top of his lunch and frowning. He keeps his head bent as he stands, not even cringing away when Kenta lifts a hand and takes hold of his wrist. It's almost gentle and he stops instantly, swallowing and trying to brace himself before he turns back around. Kenta lets go as soon as he does, giving him an affable smile.

“Well hey, if you need someone to hang out with,” Kenta's grin edges towards wicked, his hand dropping. Ai frowns sharply, taking a step back and swallowing before shaking his head slowly. He can hear the laughter behind him and it echoes in his head the whole way back to class. Rei steps in just behind him, a furrow in his brow as he looks down at Ai before patting the pocket where he keeps his cell phone and nodding suddenly.

"Ah! Mikoshiba-kun wanted me to ask if there was a time when you could speak with him," Rei smiles and Ai cocks his head with a small frown as he looks up at Rei. The black eye is gone now, and it's probably for the best because he had heard Rei grumbling more than once about how it was 'not beautiful' while adjusting his glasses. Ai nods after a moment that's almost too long and Rei pauses again before clearing his throat. "I would be happy to relay information for you if you should need it Nitori-kun."

"O-oh," Ai chuckles and shakes his head quickly, sliding into his seat. "No, that's fine. I get my phone back tomorrow anyway, I'll just send him a text. Um, t-thank you though."

Rei nods before sitting down as well and Ai recalls how Nagisa is always saying that they're both too stiff around one another. Rei seems comforted by the fact that he knows at least one polite person, at least in Ai's opinion. Though he doesn't know Rei nearly as well as the other omega does so maybe he's right. Ai sighs and winds up doodling in his notebook the rest of the day rather than actually paying attention to class. His notebook winds up being littered with pictures of bees and flowers and he decides that he likes it enough not to just rip it out and throw it away.

He ducks out as soon as the bell rings, quick enough that he doesn't run into Nagisa or Gou on the way out. He walks home quietly, hands tucked in his pockets and head turned downwards. He can recognize the Samezuka uniform on a few of the taller students that make their way past him, but he doesn't look up. Everyone he knows is busy in the afternoons with swim practice anyway.

 

It takes a couple of days of searching around and ducking out just as the bell rings for Ai to find a spot to eat that doesn't see much foot traffic. He sits tucked under the stairs and presses his headphones tighter against his ears, stretching his legs out and eating quietly. He's getting more used to being alone, and he hasn't let Gou or Nagisa catch him to question him about why yet. Rei just gives him concerned glances before turning back to his work with a frown. His phone is sitting in his pocket again, with a message from Sousuke that he hasn't dared to read. He doesn't want the final confirmation that his best friend doesn't want him anymore, so instead he just avoids it.

It probably hurts less, and all the sneaky changes to his routine have stopped Kenta from cornering him for a few days. Or maybe the alpha isn't trying anymore, Ai isn't really certain which it is. He'll probably get bored soon enough, or think of something to do to the omega that will make it fun to bully him all over again. Ai frowns, curling in on himself a little and closing his eyes, trying to take slow breaths in and out. He tries not to think about Kenta or Sousuke at all for the rest of lunch, filling his head with buzzing static sounds whenever his thoughts start to drift again. It almost works, and the message stays unread for the rest of the day.

The rest of his mission isn't quite so successful. Rei stares at him when he pushes quickly back from his desk, sliding out of the room before the alpha can call his name. He doesn't make it any further than that, two pairs of hands grabbing his arms as soon as he steps into the hall, tugging him to the side. His body seizes up despite his best effort to stop it and when he looks up at Gou and Nagisa it's with shamed red cheeks. Gou drops her grip quickly when she feels him freeze, her eyebrows knitting together while Nagisa keeps clinging to him, teeth digging into his lower lip sharply.

"Ai-chan!" He pouts and it's enough to draw Ai away from the ledge his mind drops over sometimes. Where he can't quite connect to the things that are happening to his body with his mind. Instead, he gently tugs his arm back and steps away a little, frowning.

"I'm sorry Nagisa-kun I really need to get home so-" he starts but is cut off by a loud whine and arms thrown around him. He's forced into Nagisa's hugging and he grunts a little, biting his lip and trying to endure it without wiggling away.

"Just because you had a fight with Sou-chan-" he starts, only to be stopped by Gou's sharp call of his name. She hauls him back a step, glaring before turning to Ai with one of those deceptively sweet smiles.

"Do you think you have just a minute to talk with us Ai-kun?" She tilts her head, already nudging all three of them back into the classroom. Rei is still there, sitting straight-backed at his desk and frowning at Nagisa's put out expression when they walk in. The door clicks shut and Ai focuses on breathing evenly in and out. They're his friends- or at least they were. He's not shut inside this classroom so they can hurt him or yell at him. Probably just so they can make it clear he's not a part of their pack anymore. Ai cringes backward despite himself and even Nagisa seems to notice it.

"Hey, Ai-chan," he's holding his hands out like Ai is a wounded animal, his voice gone soft and silky. Ai backs up another step and masks it by pushing himself to sitting on a desk, crossing his ankles together and nodding.

"I-I can talk for a minute..." he means it to sound relenting, but he just sounds squeaky and terrified. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Rei tense but Gou starts talking again with an easy placation.

"We just wanna make sure you're doing okay," she smiles at him, her ponytail falling over her shoulder as her head tilts. "We- haven't seen much of you in a few days and with everything that's been going on..."

"Like whoever's been bothering you," Nagisa cuts in with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest. "And fighting with Sou-chan."

Here it is. Ai nods, looking down and swallowing hard as he stares at his feet. "I-I understand, really. I just- I won't-"

His throat feels like it's closing up and it takes him several tries to make anything other than strangled sounds come out, leaving Gou and Nagisa to close in tighter with increasingly worried expressions on their faces. It only makes things worse and Ai takes in a shuddering breath before jamming his eyes tightly shut. "I-I won't b-bother-"

His voice falters again and this time he pushes himself off the desk, forgetting his bag entirely as he launches himself several steps forward. He's out the door before any of them can catch him, sprinting down the hall and ignoring the teacher telling him not to run. He makes it almost home before he recognizes the burning in his legs or the ringing of his phone in his pocket. He's wheezing as he stops, pressing a hand to his chest and trying to calm himself down once he realizes he left his inhaler with the rest of his things.

He pulls out his phone and ignores the call from Nagisa, looking at the beginning of his street and shaking his head, turning instead to the small strand of woods the stretches out behind the house. It actually connects all the way with Sousuke's and from memory alone his feet carry him to the broken bridge where they played as children. The river under it is thin and trickling, hungering for rain and the leaves are just starting to tint with fall.

He sits on one of the rotting planks with a huff, scrubbing his arm over his eyes to try and get rid of the tears that he can barely even feel. There's a trail winding by a few feet away, but Ai turns his back to it, watching the water rush by instead. He almost smiles, remembering walking down to the river every day to keep a journal on one of the water skimmers there. Sousuke would roll his eyes and skip rocks or simply crouch down next to Ai and lean his head against Ai's shoulder to watch too. He didn't quite understand what kept Ai coming back to examine the insect but never argued about coming with him either. 

They would part ways from there, Sousuke hopping across the stones that dotted the river to go home with a wave and a smile. Ai would bundle his notebook up in his hands with all its observations and drawings and walk home with a smile just as big. He had kept it in his bag for weeks until someone had found it and ripped all of the pages out one by one. He'd never told Sousuke after it happened, but he still missed the pages with their drips of water from Sousuke throwing stones or dipping his fingers in the cold water and poking Ai's cheek to make him squeal in surprise at the cold.

He shakes the thought away, blinking as his eye catches on a piece of glass strewn between the rocks. He leans forward to pick it up, finding that it's not much longer than one of his fingers, thin and sharp enough that he's careful not to brush against the edge. He lets it rest in his palm for a long minute just staring before closing his hand gently around it. He hadn't made any promise to Sousuke when the alpha had asked him not to hurt himself again but considering it still felt like he was letting his best friend down. Feeling weaker than before Ai stares at his phone, hesitating before opening the message from Sousuke with a frown.

'need to talk' Is all that it read and Ai sighs hard. Sousuke has never been a fan of handling things via text, and he shouldn't have expected something more eloquent than that. He hears feet pounding against the trail and sits up quickly, almost knocking himself into the water in surprise when his best friend comes jogging around the bend. He's wearing his workout clothes rather than his uniform, phone in a case that's held around his bicep with a tightly stretched band of elastic, straining over his muscle. He blinks when he sees Ai, stopping so short he almost knocks himself over and pulling his headphones out of his ears with a frown.

"Ai?" He blinks, draping the cord around his neck with his brow furrowing deeply. It's like he almost doesn't believe that the omega is there at all. Ai moves to stand, hissing in surprise when he squeezes around the forgotten shard of glass, dropping it after it bites into his palm. It shatters into pieces as small as stardust when it hits the rocky bank and Ai stares at the blood starting to well from his hand with a hysterical giggle starting to bubble up from the center of his chest. He holds it tightly behind his teeth, almost stepping back in surprise when Sousuke is right in front of him, taking his wrist in one hand with a little snort.

"S-sorry," Ai grumbles out quietly, pulling his hand back and simply wiping the blood in a smear along the leg of his slacks. He glances around for his bag before he remembers leaving it behind, taking a step towards the trail. "Y-you were running. I'll go..."

"Wait," Sousuke says it so quickly even he looks surprised. Ai freezes and sighs, looking up at Sousuke's frowning face before returning to sitting on the battered planks of the bridge. Sousuke sits next to him, closer than Ai expects but this time he doesn't wiggle away. It's comforting in its familiarity, with the alpha a warm bulk almost close enough that their arms brush. Ai can smell him a little, clean sweat in addition to rainwater and soft wind and it makes his stomach twist. "This is actually a good place for us to talk."

"O-okay," Ai answers softly, fidgeting his hands together in his lap. He doesn't look at Sousuke this time, instead squeezing and releasing his hand, feeling the cut slide apart and together again. It takes a moment it seems for Sousuke to realize Ai is waiting for him to do the talking.

"I'm sorry," he starts and Ai frowns further, hunching over himself and resisting the urge to curl up in a ball and try to make this all go away. He can feel Sousuke watching him before he continues. "I shouldn't have said what I did, it wasn't fair to you."

"I-it's really okay," Ai's voice comes out too soft and he lifts his head slowly. He hates how sad the alpha looks before he shakes his head and turns to stare at the trickling river. There's something different about the way Sousuke's holding himself, but Ai can't quite place it yet. "I mean I didn't really expect-"

"No," Sousuke says then ducks his head a little when he realizes he cut Ai off. "I-it wasn't alright and I know I owe you more than just saying sorry. I didn't.."

He shakes his head and turns so he's facing Ai fully this time, pinning him there under the full weight of his teal eyes. Ai doesn't quite feel small, but it makes his stomach twist again because the last thing he wants to hear is that Sousuke doesn't want them to be friends anymore. He can feel the prickling at the back of his eyes anyways, but he tries to hold it off to at least let Sousuke finish and leave before he starts crying like a child.

"I haven't been honest with you lately and I was upset with myself for it," Sousuke shakes his head, looking down at his hands and pushing them through his hair with a groan. "Shit, why is this so hard to say?"

"S-Sou? I-it's okay, really. You don't have to-" Ai starts lifting his hand to squeeze the alpha's shoulder before dropping it suddenly, looking down. "You don't have to say it. I'll leave you alone."

"What? Fuck- no," Sousuke grunts before reaching out and tilting Ai's chin up and keeping his hand lingering there, pink creeping into his cheeks. "I-I've been kinda, uh, taking advantage of you being all... um, touchy, lately and I shouldn't have expected you to get it because I never said anything."

Ai blinks furiously, letting his confusion show on his face easily. There's less of an urge to curl into a ball or try to run away but for a moment Sousuke just keeps staring at him, his mouth open slightly and his fingers light as a feather against the peak of Ai's chin. Sousuke's blushing for real now and Ai shakes his head weakly. "T-that's um, okay."

Sousuke grunts, dropping his hand suddenly and looking down at his lap. Ai flushes before nodding mostly to himself and pushing back to his feet, taking a shaky breath. He doesn't really want to make Sousuke say it, and he already agreed to leave the alpha alone, so there can't be much else for them to say. Sousuke lifts his head when Ai steps away, his face bright red. He starts to say something else before Ai stops. "I s-should go home."

His voice cracks when he says it and he almost curses when Sousuke reaches a hand out towards him. They don't quite touch, but it doesn't matter, because the gesture has always been enough to make him stop short. Sousuke doesn't stop staring at the river in front of him but he doesn't drop his hand either and his voice is almost a whisper. "I-I love you, okay?"


	9. my guts are spilling out onto the floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin does seem surprised by that, his hand patting Sousuke's back.
> 
> "I'm sorry," he says, because what else is there to say? Sousuke nods before pushing himself back to his feet and slamming his locker harder than is required to close it.
> 
> "It's fine," he responds because it has to be. He waves off Rin's frown, his sneakers squeaking on the damp tiles as he walks out, pushing his headphones in his ears and pinching his nose between two fingers as he starts the music, trying to wash his thoughts away with a tide of pounding bass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did not want to be written. I have 8 different drafts of the opening scene kicking around and basically had to make someone else pick which one I went with, so I'm sorry it's a little late!

He doesn't drop his hand from where it hovers in the air between him and Ai, but he doesn't dare look up in the silence that rings after his words either. He'd meant to say it, the words pushing at the back of his teeth with a relentless force until they came free on their own. He lets his hand fall slowly, swallowing hard before he works up the courage to actually look up at Ai staring at him.

“No,” is the only thing that the omega says, meeting Sousuke's eyes and shaking his head. Sousuke frowns in response, not sure how to respond to that. He opens his mouth to say something only to be caught by the tremble that's working its way through Ai's fingers slowly. “No.”

He repeats the single syllable, managing to pour an almost feral desperation into it. Sousuke's hand drops all the way to the battered wood underneath him, blinking, trying to process.

“Ai? Y-you don't have to-” Sousuke shakes his head sharply, starting to push himself to feet and stopping in a sort of crouch when Ai falls back a step from him. The omega's breath is coming in in sharp inhales, his eyes wide as he looks down at Sousuke. It hurts, and while Sousuke was sure he was prepared for Ai to not return his feelings at all, at the worst for him to be angry, the fear that maybe Ai wouldn't want to keep being friends, he wasn't ready for Ai to look terrified. “It's okay, I don't expect you to...”

He doesn't know how to finish any of his sentences. He didn't expect anything at all to come out of it, but he couldn't look the omega in the face and continue lying. He rises all the way to his feet, slumping his shoulders, for once trying to make himself look a little bit smaller. It's nearly impossible, and while Ai had been starting to inch upwards, Sousuke's growth had out-paced him dramatically. Ai shrinks again with a whimper, looking every ounce like a wounded animal.

“P-please,” he stutters out, then again; “No.”

He doesn't move any closer, letting Ai back up with unsteady steps until he turns and traces a crashing back through the trees, leaving Sousuke alone with the babbling of the stream and the confused tangle of his heart. It takes too long before he can turn and cross the small space with a single bound, making his way home in gloomy silence.

He can't remember the last time he actually cried, stretching all the way back to when he first met Ai. He's not like the omega who feels tears coming and tries to resist them, or Rin who sobs at things that seem small to everyone else but denies that he's crying to begin with. He can't even summon it now to try and ease the resounding hurt in his chest that makes it feel like all of his insides have been scooped out. He glances up at his mom sitting in the kitchen on the phone, listening to someone speak with an intense frown on her face. She looks up at him and it deepens before she nods her head slightly towards his room, giving it a small shake after.

He doesn't pause any longer, walking to his room and letting the door bang shut. He simply stands there, not sure what to actually do with himself. It's not the confession that troubles him, he never really expected Ai to tackle him with a gushing return of love. It's not the idea of rejection that makes his stomach drop into nothingness. Ai had been scared of him, something that Sousuke never in his life wanted to see again.

Especially when he didn't understand why. He can hear his mom starting to move around in the other room and with a huff he pulls himself away from leaning on the door, rubbing his hands into his eyes before dropping to sit on the bed. He doesn't want to think about that look on Ai's face any longer and instead he pulls whatever book is on the top of his bag out and opens to what he has marked, forcing his mind to focus on the words on the page instead. His mind clears slowly, less focused on the page in front of him and more thinking very carefully about nothing at all. He nearly jumps out of his skin when the door to his room swings open, Miki looking surprised before giving him a tired smile. The phone is still in her hand and he raises an eyebrow in question at it.

"So," she starts then sighs, dropping to sitting on the bed next to him with a small sigh. "That was an interesting phone call."

He frowns, trying to think quickly if he did anything worth getting him in trouble. Other than seeing Ai, which was a coincidence more than anything, nothing comes to mind and he cocks his head. "What was it?"

"Your dad wants to see you," she tries to sound neutral about it and almost manages, Sousuke blinks furiously in surprise, forgetting his trouble with Ai at least for the moment. As far as he knows his dad has never called them; as far as he knows his dad doesn't actually have a number to use even if he wanted to. Apparently he was at least a little wrong on that though Miki still looks like she's been sucking on lemons. "He wants to see you."

"He does?" Sousuke almost laughs, raising an eyebrow. He's never thought very hard about the parental figure missing from his life, and even wracking his brain he can't come up with what his father's name even is. "What'd you tell him?"

"That it's up to you," she shrugs, tilting her head and smiling a little though it's still strained on her face. "You've never asked me about him."

"I was never very interested," he admits with a small frown. It had been only the two of them until he met Ai and later Rin. She smiles, nodding her head and shrugging a little.

"You don't have to be, and you don't have to meet him if you want," she starts to stand until Sousuke grunts a little, laughing as she sits again. "You just want to know why he hasn't bothered to call."

"Kinda," he rubs the back of his neck with a slightly sheepish smile. There's no point in denying it; his mom knows him too well to get away with it anyways. She sighs, shaking her head softly.

"You know I was only your age when I had you," she starts, pausing as he nods. One hand reaches out and ruffles through his hair and he smiles as she does. "He was too, and he wasn't ready to raise a kid. I've never been angry at him for the choice he made- I don't want you to feel like you need to be either."

He nods slowly, glancing down at the book in his lap before flipping it shut and stretching his legs out. "People still tell me I look like him."

"Hmm," she hums thoughtfully, leaning back and tilting her head before shrugging. "A little, I suppose. He was never anywhere near your size though."

Her laughter is soft as she stands this time, giving his hair another ruffle and nodding. "Take your time and think on it a little, I don't expect you to do one thing or the other."

She walks out with a soft click from the door and Sousuke falls onto his back, the image of Ai jumping into his mind as soon as his eyes close. His stomach twists like it wants to break free of his body and he spends the evening finding all the things that he can do to try not to think about Ai at all. It's not easier, but at least his scent doesn't still cling to everything that Sousuke owns; it's probably the longest he's ever gone without having Ai curled up somewhere in his room, playing games stretched out on the floor or pretending to study at the desk or curled up in the bed. It all feels a little more empty and he's starting to wonder if he's ruined his chance of having that easy friendship back at all. He hadn't really expected anything at all to come from confessing to Ai, it was just supposed to explain his feelings, Ai could have given him that soft little frown and just said he didn't feel the same way.

Sousuke falls asleep still turning it over and over in his mind, thinking himself in circles that wind tighter and tighter. He wakes up feeling like he hasn't had his eyes closed for more than a few seconds, shuffling mechanically through showering and brushing his teeth, his brain not really connecting with the motions of his body. He bangs into at least three corners and manages to get lost on the way to school because he's not paying attention. He shows up late to homeroom and Nanase eyes him with what could be a smirk on his face, he's still not sure how to tell. He shoots a glare at the side of the cold-eyed omega's head, just to be sure.

His day doesn't improve from there. He forgot his lunch and wound up just splitting some of Makoto's food, picking out pieces of meat and ignoring Rin chuckling at him. He would usually take it all in stride, possibly even laugh at himself a little for the stupid mistakes, but he's still trying to shake the hurt of Ai's reaction out of his system so instead he glares at Rin too, not even bothering to try and snap at him. It's not worth the tussle, and his shoulder is already sore enough.

Practice continues the tradition of being generally terrible. When he peels his shirt off to change he notices the painful darkening around his shoulder and huffs more in irritation than pain, digging in his locker for a heating pad that might ease the swelling enough so no one else will notice. At least that he hasn't forgotten and he sticks it to his shoulder before returning to changing, glancing over his shoulder and catching Nanase staring at him for the second time that day, meeting his even gaze with a frown. "Do you need me?"

"You should get that checked," he sniffs, pointing at Sousuke's shoulder and shrugging as if it's all the same to him. Sousuke grunts, turning around again and rolling his neck, sighing out hard enough that his whole chest deflates. The heat is already easing the soreness for him.

"Just- having a bad day," he grumbles in response, catching Nanase's responding shrug from the corner of his eye. He tears the pad off before banging shut his locker and walking out a few steps after the omega, rolling his eyes at the blaring of the captain's whistle. 

His times are slow, but he swims until his whole body aches and the hollow part inside of him feels a little more full, even if it's just with water. He's the last one to pull himself out of the pool and he almost slips when his shoulder threatens to give, but he manages anyway. He can feel Rin and Mikoshiba staring, but he waves them both off, sliding his goggles around his shoulder when he walks over to join them. 

"I think I'm going to jog the way home," is all he offers, stepping into the showers with a hiss at the hot water pounding his abused body. He should be taking a break, he knows, especially after pushing himself in practice, but if he slows down the festering worry in his head is going to catch up with him again and he wants to avoid it as long as possible. Rin seems like he's considering coming along before he shakes his head, sighing.

"I gotta help Gou out with something," he sighs, still washing his hair and shouting in surprise when Sejiuurou leans into his shower space with a wide grin splitting his face.

"Does Kou-kun need an alpha to help her out? I'd be happy to-" he stops when Rin flicks suds in his face with an aggravated growl, kicking at his leg.

"No, she doesn't need you. She didn't tell me what it was, just to meet her after practice," he tilts his head back to rinse his hair and despite the black cloud hanging over him Sousuke chuckles softly, shaking his head. It seems like Rin is only going to be able to avoid it for so long before Sejiuurou asks permission to court Gou formally. He glances at Sousuke and his mouth creeps toward a smirk, meaning he's realized it too. They both know, of course, that Rin could always refuse to give his permission outright since there is no other alpha in their family that Sejiuurou could ask.

They both also know that there's no way she wouldn't destroy him for making choices on her behalf. And despite all his complaining on the matter Sousuke is fairly sure Rin doesn't mind the idea of the two of them so much. He would've been far more violent every time she came up if he were. They finish their showers in as much peace as they can manage; Nanase stays too long until Makoto is basically dragging him out, Sejiuurou sings half-remembered melodies in a heavy baritone, Sousuke manages to flick Rin's shower to cold before he steps out. It's good, it's normal, it almost doesn't feel like he may never speak to his best friend again.

After the shower he digs his running clothes out of the locker, rolling his shoulders and neck several times as he gets changed, trying to keep his muscles warm for running. Rin glances at him, raising an eyebrow and glancing around for anyone else before speaking.

"Gou said Ai was acting weird this week," he crosses his arm, leaning his bare shoulders against the steel of one of the lockers, a towel wrapped around his waist. Sousuke blinks, turning and cocking his head to the side, hating himself for being so interested.

"Weird how?" He asks, dropping his headphones over his shoulders rather than putting them in his ears. He's not sure he wants to admit to Rin just how badly things went with seeing Ai yesterday, or that something in him is flickering with hope.

"Avoiding them, I guess. They tried to talk to him yesterday and he bolted so fast he forgot all his shit," Rin sighs, shaking his head and pushing his hair out of his face. "I know his Dad is freaking out but have you seen him?"

"Y-yeah. Yesterday," Sousuke swallows, shaking his head and glancing away. Rin raises an eyebrow, sighing softly.

"What happened this time?" He asks and Sousuke is almost annoyed by how resigned he sounds, except that he's exactly right that something did happen. Sousuke sighs, dropping to sit on the bench and hiding his face in his hands.

"I told him," he says it slowly, trying not to stifle his words against his skin. Rin hesitates before sitting next to him, still damp and warm from the showers.

"Told him what?" Rin prods and Sousuke drops his hands, sucking in a deep breath and trying to translate air into courage.

"That I love him," it sounds foreign to his ears and he cringes at the way Rin's eyes widen almost comically, wavering on the edge of a reaction. It seems to click into place that Sousuke's been a thunderhead the whole day and he shakes his head slowly.

"Didn't go well?" His voice is grim and Sousuke glares at him a little. He could at least act surprised by some part of this conversation, the bastard. Still, he shakes his head, staring at the tiles under his feet.

"He just- he was scared," he pushes the last word through his teeth, slamming his eyes shut and seeing the way fear marred Ai's face all over again, his stomach turning. Rin does seem surprised by that, his hand patting Sousuke's back.

"I'm sorry," he says, because what else is there to say? Sousuke nods before pushing himself back to his feet and slamming his locker harder than is required to close it.

"It's fine," he responds because it has to be. He waves off Rin's frown, his sneakers squeaking on the damp tiles as he walks out, pushing his headphones in his ears and pinching his nose between two fingers as he starts the music, trying to wash his thoughts away with a tide of pounding bass.

He tried to take his run easy, his body already tired from the swimming, avoiding both Sano and the trail that leads into the woods. He wants to see Ai, but he knows that he's going to have to let the omega seek him out first, to define what level of friendship he's comfortable with after Sousuke's confession. He spots the crisp black of a Sano blazer from the corner of his eye and turns, slowing his pace and blinking in surprise, trying to place where he recognizes the dark haired alpha from.

The boy looks up at him as well, his eyes lighting as his lips peel back from his teeth in a wicked grin. It's that look that makes it click into place for Sousuke and he stops altogether, glaring at the alpha who's been tormenting his best friend for the past several months. He flicks the headphones out of his ears, his eyes narrowing as Kenta's grin only grows exponentially wider until it conquers most of his face in the most unpleasant way Sousuke could imagine. His teeth aren't as sharp as Rin's, but they're still pointed and glittering in his mouth, his eyes squinting.

"Sousuke-kun," he purrs with far too much familiarity, sounding like his voice is constantly shaking with smug laughter. Sousuke's anger boils instantly and he doesn't say anything, face chiseled out of stone as he watches the smaller alpha tuck his hands into his back pockets, a perfect picture of relaxed. "You know, I expected to see a lot more of you this year!"

The realization that he hates this person starts out slow, the yawning of a monster waking up inside of Sousuke's skin. It's not a description he's had cause to use for anyone before, not even prickly Nanase or anyone who had dared cross him or push Ai around in the past. He takes a heavy step forward and Kenta laughs, not even bothering to step back.

"Oh, scary face," his grin squinted his eyes shut, brushing a tuft of dark hair out of his face. "I was wondering if the tough guy thing was really just a big act. I mean, you don't even go out of your way to protect your personal piece of ass omega, so I was leaning towards it all being fake."

Sousuke's hands clamp into vicious fists and a growl rumbles up from the center of his chest without permission. He's next movements are faster, a speed that people don't expect to come from him based on his sheer size, even overconfident Kenta blinks as his back collides with a tree, Sousuke's hand fisting the front of his shirt and lifting him into the air, eyes narrowed and dark. "The only reason I haven't killed you already is because he told me not to. That stops here."

He leans closer, anger rolling off him in metallic scented waves, his shoulders pulled straight despite the strain of holding the smaller alpha off the ground, every cell in his body screaming out a message of dominance. Kenta doesn't cower at the display and Sousuke finds it unsatisfying but he grips tighter, lip curling over his teeth in a deep snarl. "Don't touch him again."

"That's after today then, right?" He laughs, tilting his head back and cocking it to the side, hissing through his teeth. "Because this afternoon- jeez it wasn't pretty. At least his face is still cute, I left you that. You'll just have to keep his shirt on next time you fuck him- oh! Or just put him on his front, it'll be easy."

Kenta drops from his grasp just before his other fist swings to smash down into the smaller alpha's jaw. Kenta doesn't manage to move entirely out of the way as he finds his feet, the strike catching him. He manages to grab Sousuke as he falls, pulling both of them to the grass with a growl that rips out of him just as savagely as Sousuke's own. He knows he's a more experienced fighter, and as quick as Kenta might be he can't can't outspeed the strength and size of Sousuke. They roll across the grass, Kenta trying to wiggle out of Sousuke's grip, one flailing arm catching his shoulder and making him hiss. They stop with his arm shaking, pressing against Kenta's neck and growls pushing out of his mouth in a constant cacophony. He wants to flip the smaller alpha over and dig his teeth into the vulnerable back of his neck until he's as helpless as he's made Ai, but before he can shift himself one of Kenta's hands digs out of the grass, gripping his shoulder in a vice and making him shout in surprise as his arm gives at the pain of it. He rolls to the side, releasing Kenta from the trap of his weight as he grips his shoulder with his other hand, panting and not even lifting his head before the other alpha's knee hits the side of his face.

He lets go of his shoulder, catching the back of the knee that hits him and dropping Kenta back to the grass with a hard tug, his whole body shaking as he pushes himself to his feet. He can feel where the muscle of his shoulder is torn, but he ignores it, kicking the center of Kenta's chest to push him back to the ground, staring wild-eyed down at him. He's bleeding from the first punch that Sousuke managed to land, and both of them are covered in scratches and dirt, but he knows it's not a win. He pushes his foot down harder with a growl, wants to keep fighting even though he can't because behind his eyes he can still see the fear on Ai's face. He straightens his shoulders with a hiss, shaking his head and snarling again, not even managing to convince himself.

"You're finished," is all he manages, delivering one more harsh kick to Kenta's side before turning and walking in the direction of home, holding his back stiff and straight and ignoring the laughter that chases after his every step. His mom isn't home when he steps in and he's glad, standing in the kitchen and rinsing the blood out of his mouth, spitting it into the sink and watching it spiral down the drain. He's not used to losing fights, even if this one doesn't quite count. He couldn't have finished it, and that's enough because both he and Kenta knew. He growls at himself, his fist crashing into the stone of the countertop before he can stop it. The door shuts loudly behind him and he huffs out what might be a laugh, hesitating before turning and trying to smile at Miki.

His face is cut, matching the one inside his mouth, he can barely move his right arm and he's managed to bruise the knuckles of his left by taking out the rest of his rage on the surface of the counter, along with the dirt and grass still clinging to his back. She takes him in with a frown and a sigh, shaking her head and seeming to cross the room all at once, having to lean up on her toes to catch his chin in one hand and look at the cut across his cheek with a tut of her tongue. "I hope whatever this was about was worth it."

"I fucked up my shoulder," is all he says in return, letting her check the rest of him over without complaint. Her fingers barely ghosting over it is enough to make him cringe and she sighs, tilting her head towards the door.

"Go. I'll call Dr. Sato and tell him we're coming, and you can explain what happened," she grabs her keys, walking back out without leaving room for Sousuke to argue. He dogs after her with a shake of his head, flopping in the seat and frowning, waiting for her call to finish.

"I ran into the kid that's been hurting Ai," he says, and to him that's enough explanation all on its own. She groans as she drives, shaking her head. "I didn't expect my shoulder to give like it did."

"I'm betting that's your only regret here," she responds, frowning as she looks over at him. He shrugs then hisses, looking down at his lap.

"I regret not winning," he says it softly, but he doesn't miss the way Miki grunts in response.


	10. band-aids don't fix bullet holes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Y-yeah but they're true-mates,” Ai argues, shaking his head slowly. “It's different. They know how things will work out.”
> 
> “Nope!” Nagisa beams, shaking his head. “Nobody does. And you don't know what will happen with Sou-chan.”
> 
> “I'm still scared,” Ai admits softly, drawing his knees up to his chest again. Nagisa nods, laying his head on Ai's shoulder and mimicking his posture, rocking them both back and forth slowly.
> 
> “I think it's okay to be scared,” he frowned softly, the saddest expression Ai has ever seen cross Nagisa's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ongoing warnings for bullying, slurs and self-injury.

Even walking to school was starting to fill Ai with a sense of foreboding that seeped directly into his bones. He hasn't talked with Sousuke since running away from his confession and even the thought of it makes his stomach fill with butterflies so furious it feels like they're tearing him apart. The problem is that he can't stop thinking about it; Sousuke loves him. Sousuke loves him and he'd shouted 'no' and run away like a child throwing a tantrum. He'd been afraid, not of Sousuke or even trying to figure out what his own feelings were for his best friend.

But he felt so small in the face of it, like the world was crumbling out from under him, opening great sinkholes that swallowed him up in blackness and the sudden change in the relationship she counted on always being the same was like throwing himself into one of them willingly, with no idea where the bottom was. There was no safety net without Sousuke, he was supposed to be home, a rock, the constant that never changed.

The nature of the beast was that things had already changed before Sousuke had even said anything about his feelings, they changed. No matter what he did from here the omega knew he was part of that change somehow. Ai frowns to himself, drawing in a shaking breath as he drops into his seat and does his best to pull his thoughts out of the spiral he's starting to get used to. Over and over in his head; Sousuke loves him, Ai doesn't know what to do. There's a piece of paper taped to the desk and he looks down at it with a frown. 

These notes were never good, like a private correspondence from Kenta that he'd picked up within the last week. Ai's best guess it that he can keep leaving them every morning and still say he hasn't touched Ai if Sousuke decides to punch him in the face again. Not, Ai is already aware, that it would be any help if his best friend actually got a hold of one. He doesn't read it, instead plucks it off the surface and looks up with a weak smile when Rei takes the seat next to him.

Rei blinks once but smiles easily in return, nodding his head at the sheet of paper with a small chuckle. “Has Nagisa-kun started leaving you messages as well?”

“Ah-” it all Ai manages before Rei's fingers pluck it gently from his weak grasp. Smoothing the lines out as he unfolds it to read. His eyes flick across part of the page before his eyebrows raised like they want to rejoin his hairline, mouth falling into a heavy frown. Ai doesn't need to have read it to know it isn't anything he would get from Nagisa. “I-it's just a joke.”

His voice comes out brittle and weak, riddled with holes. Rei blinks and frowns harder than Ai thought possible, jumping when the teacher strides in with a gruff good morning and tucking it into his bag with more neatness than it probably deserves. Ai falls back into his seat, feeling like a nerve exposed and left raw, twitching at every sound that's just a shade too loud and barely able to look up from his notes. He wants to dart out the second lunch hits and hide in his little alcove under the stairs but it feels like the whole room has turned to stare at him and he's frozen solid.

“Nitori-kun,” Rei's voice is soft but Ai still jolts, whipping his head around and peeling his lips into the pale imitation of a smile. The alpha hesitates, glancing at his bag and adjusting his glasses compulsively. “W-would you like to walk to lunch with me?”

“I-I'll be right there, you can go ahead,” Ai's voice comes out choked and Rei hesitates again before standing, sliding his bag over his shoulder and walking out slowly, like he's hoping Ai will hop up and fall into his wake. He barely swallows a whine, closing his eyes and breathing in and out sharply several times, taking longer than he'd like to calm himself down enough to slide out of his chair and grab his food, slinking out the door and hoping not to garner any attention. It's late enough into the lunch hour that he doesn't run into anyone else, and when he starts to push the door to the roof open he hears voices that make him hesitate.

“-really called that a joke? Should we show it to Sou-chan?” Even without the nickname he can recognize the voice as Nagisa. He stops, peeking halfway out the door and looking down, swallowing hard.

“I- don't know about that,” Gou responds, less composed and more thoughtful. “Nii-chan said they're still not talking right now.”

“Did he tell you why?” Nagisa again, earnest and curious, Ai can picture him leaning across the table with wide eyes and his stomach sinks to his feet.

“Ah- Sousuke-kun confessed his feelings and apparently it didn't go well,” Gou snorts at the end and Ai can feel his face burn, taking a step back from the door, biting down hard on his lip. “If you're going to pass it off to anyone it should probably be Mikoshiba-kun.”

There's a loud clattering sound, followed by the indignant noise that Rei only makes when Nagisa is involved. “Sou-chan finally told him?”

“I wasn't aware there was anything he had to confess,” Rei grumbles, sounding put-out by Nagisa's exuberance. The blond omega laughs, light and breezy.

“Of course you weren't Rei-chan,” there's an emphasis on the word 'you' that even gets Gou to chuckle. “Those of us with eyes have been waiting on this for months.”

“That is true- I asked Sousuke-kun about it at the dance we went to,” Gou chimes in, leaving Rei huffing over having missed something apparently so obvious. Ai is stuck, too curious to back out or push the door loudly open and let them know he's there. “He said it didn't matter if he told Ai-kun or not.”

“Well, then we have to do something about this!” Nagisa's almost shouting, the sound of paper rattling following it. Rei sighs. “I'm not letting people pick on him anymore.”

“I don't think he particularly wants us involved, Nagisa-kun,” Rei makes the mistake of trying to reason, Ai slinks back further from the door, letting it fall quietly closed and slinking back down the stairs.

He squeezes his hands around his lunch, turning to make for the little alcove he's been eating in, blinking in surprise at the pair of beta girls who stop and stare at him when he walks by them in the hall, hands to their mouths to stifle giggles. He doesn't turn, letting his head sink between his shoulders.

“Hey! You're Aiichirou, right?” One of them calls at his back and he turns slowly with a nod, swallowing softly. They're both taller than him, the one who spoke to him is blonde with pretty blue eyes that remind him of sharp cracks in ice, her friend stands a little shorter with dark hair and freckles dusting across her cheeks and nose. “I have a question for you.”

“W-what's that?” He responds softly, not missing the way the second beta starts giggling again. The blonde crosses her arms, grinning wider down at him, quirking one eyebrow upward.

“How'd you manage to get two alpha's fighting over you?” She grins when his face goes red, glancing at her friend who jumps in without waiting for Ai to answer.

“Oh c'mon you know how,” she elbows the blondes side with a giggle, shaking her head. “I mean he's an omega, right? There's really only one way.”

“Ah, you're right Mari-chan,” they dissolve into shared laughter, the blonde's face descending into contempt rather than her previous grinning. “Still, did you see poor Nomi-kun's face? It's crazy he ended up getting into a fight over someone who's such a slut.”

Ai blinks furiously, his embarrassment forgotten when his heart sinks straight out of his chest. It's a surprise, after everything, that he still tears up so quickly. He shakes his head anyways, still trying to swallow the hurt away. “I-I'm not-”

“Are you just greedy then?” The blonde beta cuts him off smoothly, laughing when his mouth hangs open a little in surprise. “You can't really need two alphas all to yourself.”

“N-no,” his protest comes out weaker than he wants and it only seems to entertain them further. There's a quiet voice in the back of his mind that reminds him to stop trying to fight back, that it's only ever made it worse. He doesn't want to just give in and let them think whatever they want about him, or about Sousuke. “I-it isn't like that.”

“What is it like then?” Mari, the dark haired girl who he dimly recognizes from Gou and Nagisa's class leans towards him, her eyes wide and innocent. “Like you just couldn't make up your mind and decided to let them fight it out?”

“Oh! Maybe that's what gets him all excited,” the blonde giggles in return, cocking her head to the side. “Like they're his gladiators or something. It's kind of freaky.”

Ai flounders, staring at both of them and trying desperately not to give in to the tears prickling the back of his eyes. He's not sure what's worse; that people think he was trying to encourage Sousuke to get into a fight, or that it's some kind of romantic drama that he's manufactured to make himself feel better. He lets his head droop submissively, swallowing unevenly and still fighting with his tears. He didn't even want Sousuke to start a fight to begin with and when they push past on either side of him he doesn't move.

There are footsteps approaching from behind him and he picks his head up quickly, swiping the tears off his cheeks but frowning intently when it's Kenta approaching him. His jaw is swollen still and there's a heavy set of bruises along his collarbone, along with a cut above his eyebrow that seems like it will someday be a scar. He looks just as surprised to see Ai for a second before his eyes darken, his mouth slashing open into a cheshire smile. “Delta!”

Ai freezes, unable to shake himself into motion before Kenta grabs his shoulder, shoving him sharply into the supply closet to his right. His lunch drops when he trips on the way inside, crashing on his knees and finding that the alpha's face is strangely blurry in his vision before the door slams and he's trapped with only the darkness.

It takes a minute for him to push himself up, fumbling in the dark until his fingers wrap around the handle, turning it uselessly against the latch. He drops back to sitting with a drawn out whimper, pushing his palms into his face and letting the tears overwhelm him this time. He's so absorbed, wracked by quiet sobs and using the sleeves of his coat to continually scrub tears away that he doesn't realize that there may have been people outside to help him until it's long gone quiet.

It's impossible to tell how long he sits, sniffling for some of it. The darkness is complete, he can't even see his own hand waving in front of his face. He bites his nails blindly until he tastes blood, swishing the metallic flavor in his mouth. He wishes he'd never let Sousuke find out about any of this for awhile, more than he wishes that people would just leave him alone.

He wishes he didn't know Sousuke's feelings at all, that he didn't have to learn to navigate their relationship in a totally different way. He doesn't want to be the cause of any more hurt for the alpha, but he can't think of any way to move forward without it happening. Until this moment, he's been able to carefully avoid putting his feelings into it, but locked in the dark that's all he has to think about.

So, he tries the relationship in his mind, eyes closed despite the oppressive darkness, picturing what it might be like. He's kissed Sousuke already; soft and fleeting with a kind of gentleness that Ai knows is saved especially for him. They sleep in the same bed together too, he knows these things about their relationship like a well-tread path. It's harder, trying to think of what would be different, it makes his heart thrum panicked in his chest. He doesn't need more change between them. It's inevitable, the effect of time marching ever onward and dragging him with it, he pushes his face against his knees in an attempt to hide.

He's more afraid that Sousuke will change his mind, or decide that if Ai doesn't know how to return his feelings that he'll want to cut their friendship off entirely. He hesitates at even the thought, frowning at himself and biting into his lip. Sousuke had gotten into a fight to defend him even after Ai had run away; he owed it to him to believe a little more than that. 

It was just-- too easy to think that Sousuke could see all the rotten pieces inside him that he hated. They knew each other so well, but Ai couldn't believe he'd want someone so sad and broken. Sousuke was solid, he was a stone that couldn't be moved by anything and Ai was supposed to be the flowers that grew around him, warm and bright. He didn't feel bright like he used to; like brambles that would wrap around Sousuke's life and keep everyone else away. He whined at the empty air, clinging his jacket tighter and jolting in surprise when the door swung open to a tired looking beta teacher.

“If you're going to skip class you should've found a better place,” she grumbles as he jumps to his feet and slinks out past her. She doesn't ask for his name or class, instead shaking her head with a sigh. “The day is over, you should go home.”

“R-right,” he mumbles, his legs shaking under him as he walks back to the empty classroom. His bag is still hanging off the chair, his phone tucked in the pocket. He sighs, lifting it over the shoulder and glad that at least his face doesn't feel so tight and swollen from crying anymore. He turns, stepping back in the hallway and shouting in surprise when a streak of gold overtakes his vision, Nagisa's hug unbalancing him.

“Ai-chan! We were worried about you,” he giggles, righting the both of them with his arms still wrapped around Ai. Despite himself he smiles weakly, shaking his head.

“Sorry- I need to get home, though,” he doesn't want to risk hanging around campus by himself if he doesn't have to. Nagisa blinks then nods, linking their arms together.

“I'll walk with you!” Nagisa decides it easily even though his house is nowhere nearby. Ai opens his mouth to argue but is cut off by the blinding smile that the other omega gives him, tugging him gently forward. “It'll be fun.”

“O-okay,” he agrees unevenly, letting Nagisa cling and pull him along without further complaint. They make it through the gate before the other omega sighs dreamily, cuddling his cheek against Ai's shoulder.

“I can't believe Sou-chan got in that fight,” he giggles, shaking his head. Ai frowns a little but doesn't respond, shifting his bag nervously. “It's kinda romantic when you think about it, right? He's like, the definition of protective alpha.”

“D-do you like Sousuke?” He blinks rapidly, surprised to hear it. He's been fairly sure that Nagisa doesn't actually take notice of any alpha other than Rei, even if he's not making any headway on getting noticed in return. Nagisa lifts his head at that and laughs.

“No way! But I've never had anyone get in a fight over me, so I have to dream through you,” he giggles, nuzzling his nose against Ai's cheek. Ai shakes his head sharply, looking down but not cringing away from Nagisa's affections, leaning into the warm hold of his arm.

“I wish he hadn't,” Ai mumbles and Nagisa quiets instantly, tilting his head. “P-people think i-it's because I was involved with both of them.”

“What?” It almost comes out as a snap and Ai expects the same accusation to come out of Nagisa's mouth, instead he makes the small sort of hissing noise of displeasure that's unique to omegas. “Who thinks that?”

“I-I didn't really know them-” Ai shrugs, sighing softly. “I'm sure a lot of people do.”

“A lot of people are idiots. Anyone who's seen you around Sou-chan would get that he would do it even if he wasn't in love with you,” Nagisa snaps then flushes when Ai's eyes widen and he looks away quickly, face burning at the reminder. The blond omega softens, smiling when they turn onto Ai's street. “Can I ask why you turned him down Ai-chan? I sort of thought it would make you really happy.”

“I-I didn't mean to turn him down,” Ai frowns, trying to parse his words carefully before he speaks. “I'm not really sure how I feel.”

“Really?” Nagisa coos softly, giggling. “You two are already sorta together.”

“I d-don't-” Ai takes a shallow breath, his lungs suddenly feeling too tight. “I-I'll mess it up and he's my best f-friend. What if he leaves?”

Nagisa blinks slowly at that like he doesn't understand the words. He pauses, looking up at the door to Ai's house and smiling. It's not a usual Nagisa smile-- it's strained around his usual dose of easy sunshine. “I can't imagine you and Sousuke apart, really.”

“T-that doesn't mean it couldn't happen,” Ai isn't surprised when Nagisa follows him inside, calling out a cheery 'pardon the interruption!' despite the empty house. He flops on the bed with a giggle, waving Ai over to him and tugging him down onto it as well.

“It's been a long time since I've been in Ai-chan's room!” He declares, sitting up and looking around with his head cocked to the side. It has, but the room is almost entirely the same. Satisfied with his inspection he looks down at Ai and reaches a hand out to stroke his fingers through the other omega's silver hair. “I think you're beautiful.”

It's unprompted and Ai's face lights on fire in surprise. Nagisa is prone to calling him 'cute' on occasion, but he's adopted 'beautiful' as being special, probably because it's Rei's obsession. He swallows, shaking his head slowly, not sure if he's trying to disagree or simply show that he didn't know.

“Do you think so?” Nagisa asks, seeming unbothered and continuing to pet through Ai's hair without pause. There's a glint in his eyes like there's an answer he's looking for specifically.

“A-about you?” He blinks, surprised when Nagisa shakes his head with a bright giggle, giving his hair a playful tug and rolling his eyes.

“No! About yourself,” he frowns a little when Ai shakes his head, looking around and hopping off the bed suddenly. Ai blinks, watching him curiously. He hasn't spent time with just Nagisa in awhile, and it's still charming to watch him bounce from one thing to another seemingly at random, at the power of his whims.

He grabs a pen from the desk, plopping next to Ai again with a smile and holding both his hands out. Ai stares in confusion before catching on to what Nagisa wants, giving his hand over with a little frown. The other omega's hands are warm on his own and he frowns at the still-healing cut over Ai's palm, hesitating with the pen tucked behind his ear.

“Do you do that to yourself?” His voice is soft and misty, his fingers tracing the cut slowly. Ai nods when Nagisa's eyes flick up because there's no reason for him to ask unless he already knows. It probably isn't that big a secret; it didn't take Sousuke very long to figure out on his own either. Surprisingly though Nagisa doesn't say anything, pulling the pen from behind his ear and leaning over Ai's hand, drawing carefully on it, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration.

When he leans back with a smile there's a butterfly scrawled on Ai's palm in blue ink. It's lopsided, some of the lines scattered or broken where he couldn't get ink to flow properly from the pen, but Ai still smiles at it, tilting his head. “A butterfly?”

“Well,” Nagisa starts thoughtfully, running his fingers over Ai's again with a hum. “I figured if there was a butterfly there you wouldn't want to hurt it.”

“Oh,” Ai's brow furrows, almost smiling. The line of thought screams 'Nagisa' and it makes him feel impossibly lighter. He hesitates before swallowing and looking up, cocking his head. “Can I have more?”

Nagisa smiles brightly at that and nods, drawing different animals in every spot that Ai points out; a penguin on his hip, a grinning shark across his side, a whale and a dolphin chasing one another taking up most of his thigh, each one over a fading series of cuts that Nagisa doesn't offer any commentary on. Before Ai pulls his shirt on the other omega giggles, pressing him back down to the bed and putting a badly drawn whale shark on his chest directly over his heart, nodding firmly. “That's so you won't forget.”

“F-forget what?” Ai blinks, sitting up and staring at it as best he can before getting dressed. Nagisa giggles, poking the same spot over Ai's chest and smiling abundantly at him.

“That's Sou-chan, duh!” He grins, flopping down to lay next to Ai with a smile. “I know you'll have to wash it all off, but it was fun, right?”

Ai nods, rolling towards Nagisa and tilting his head before bumping it softly against the other omega's shoulder. “Y-you really think all of that about Sousuke?”

“I don't think he'd know what to do without you,” Nagisa wrinkles his nose, gesturing in the air. “It's like Mako-chan with no Haru-chan. It doesn't make any sense.”

“Y-yeah but they're true-mates,” Ai argues, shaking his head slowly. “It's different. They know how things will work out.”

“Nope!” Nagisa beams, shaking his head. “Nobody does. And you don't know what will happen with Sou-chan.”

“I'm still scared,” Ai admits softly, drawing his knees up to his chest again. Nagisa nods, laying his head on Ai's shoulder and mimicking his posture, rocking them both back and forth slowly.

“I think it's okay to be scared,” he frowns softly, the saddest expression Ai has ever seen cross Nagisa's face. “But, Sou-chan cares about you a lot. I think he'd do whatever he could for you.”

He brightens slowly, like cloud cover breaking away after a storm and wiggles himself off the bed, and when he smiles this time Ai can actually meet it with his own. “I gotta go home and you gotta call Sou-chan, okay?”

Ai nods, walking Nagisa out and gripping his phone tightly as the door shuts behind the other omega, squeezing his eyes closed after he dials, pressing the call button sharply with his thumb and trying not to think too hard about anything when it rings.

“Ai?” Sousuke sounds so genuinely surprised when he picks up the phone and it rips straight through Ai because it shouldn't have taken him days to be able to make this phone call. He swallows, blinking his eyes open again.

“I'm sorry,” is the first thing the squeaks out of his mouth when a jumble of thoughts all try to assert themselves at once. Sousuke starts to talk, but Ai can't even hear it before he continues. “Really, I'm so sorry. I got freaked out and that wasn't fair I-I just... I got scared-- I am scared.”

“Hey, it's okay,” Sousuke's voice drops to soothing instantly and Ai frowns at himself for messing up all over again, sucking in a deep breath.

“I know I'm gonna get in trouble again but I'm gonna come over right now because I need to see you,” Ai nods sharply, hanging up before Sousuke comes up with some kind of logical reason he shouldn't, tearing out the door instead. It's not quite dark yet when he gets there, but it is pouring rain, Sousuke sitting on the porch to avoid it with one eyebrow raised when Ai skids to a stop in front of him, panting.

“You know talking on the phone would've been fine,” he almost smiles, sitting up a little when Ai bounds up the stairs, his small hands lifting to rest on either side of Sousuke's face, making him blink in surprise before Ai leans down and presses their lips together.

He means to assert something with the kiss, to use it to say something that he isn't sure he actually has the words for. Instead it's shy and soft, even if he keeps clinging Sousuke there fiercely until one of the alpha's arms wraps itself around his waist, tugging him in closer. Ai tries to smile and their teeth clack together, making Sousuke draw back just slightly with a laugh, resting their foreheads together and breathing heavy like he's the one who's been sprinting.

“Okay, that's better than the phone call,” he grins, flicking his gaze up to catch with Ai's and lifting his fingers to stroke Ai's hair back with a smile. “C'mon, you need dry clothes.”

He almost whines when Sousuke stands up, pressing against his side despite the dampness of his clothes and finding he suddenly hates the idea of separating at all.


	11. this is not the end of me, this is the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Sou,” his voice is sluggish, sleep closing in the rest of the way. His eyes are almost closed and he's clinging the jacket around him like a blanket. “What are we?”
> 
> “This,” Sousuke shrugs, lifting their laced fingers for a moment. Ai settles closer, nuzzling at Sousuke's neck and sighing in contentment. “It's whatever you want.”
> 
> “I like this,” he giggles quietly, nodding his head. His voice is fuzzy but certain, eyes falling closed like he's helpless to keep them open. Sousuke smiles, kissing the omega's temple while he slides into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so when I started writing this chapter I didn't plan for it to be the last full one but it is. I don't know, I just went where it seemed right and this is what I ended up with?? There's an epilogue too that I'll write next week and that will be the last update, I think.

Sousuke almost laughs at Ai's clinging as soon as the door shuts, shaking his head. It's mostly born out of relief, but it bubbles warm and light in his chest regardless, refusing to be ignored. He glances down at the omega's soft face, rolling his eyes and giving the back of his neck a squeeze. "You know you're soaked."

Ai blinks, looking down at his clothes and giggling softly, rubbing the back of his head "I didn't really notice. I don't mind borrowing your stuff."

Sousuke shrugs, deciding not to argue with Ai sitting on his bed while he pulls out the tiniest pair of boxers that he owns, sure that even those will be hanging off of Ai's gently flared hips. He turns after several minutes of digging for them, nearly choking on air when instead of Ai in his wet clothes he's sitting on the bed with no pants and Sousuke's half-zipped track jacket. There's an odd drawing on his chest but Sousuke is too caught staring at the way his jacket falls halfway off Ai's collarbone, ending at the tops of his thighs, sleeves overtaking his hands, wrapping him up completely. Ai giggles at his stare, turning and nuzzling against the upturned collar of the jacket, closing his eyes and smiling. "This smells like you."

"I-it should," he manages after a minute, trying to speak around the heat pulsing through his veins. He's still gaping, Ai shifting and bringing his knees towards his chest. There're more drawings on his legs and that's the thing that finally helps Sousuke overcome himself enough to drop to sitting on the bed, swallowing unevenly when he can study the sharp angles of the omega's collarbone up close instead. He reaches one shaking hand out, tracing it over the dolphin drawn messily on Ai's leg, raising an eyebrow. "What are these?"

"Oh! Nagisa-kun drew those," he smiled, reaching and unzipping the jacket a little further, tugging the side away from his skin to reveal the whale shark scribbled on his chest, poking a finger at it. "Apparently that's supposed to be you."

It would be funny if he wasn't so horribly distracted by the even greater exposure of Ai's skin. His hand squeezes around the thigh it was resting on, making blood creep into Ai's cheeks when he lifts his head. His teeth drag over his lower lip and Sousuke has to swallow a groan because everything that Ai does is suddenly painted in such sharp focus that there's no way to miss the fluttering of his lashes or the white indents that his teeth leave. Sousuke closes the distance slowly, trying to feel for any boundary he might be pushing before Ai's lips meet tender and warm against his. His heart does an embarrassing fluttering thing in his chest, a reminder that all of this is real and Ai just ran to his house in the middle of a storm to kiss him.

He does not need the reminder that there isn't anything but the flimsy zipper of his jacket and Ai's briefs between him and bare skin, but it lurks in the back of his mind anyway, at least until Ai's mouth opens slowly, letting their tongues touch together before he pulls back with a tiny hitched gasp. Sousuke pulls his hand back quickly, swallowing and trying not to look at the omega's darkened lips, snapping his eye shut. "S-sorry."

To his surprise Ai giggles at him again, lifting a hand to stroke over his cheek and coax his eyes open, cheeks red and head tilted to the side. "I d-didn't expect it to feel nice like that."

Sousuke would have paused to consider that if he wasn't so intent on devouring Ai's lips instead. This time the omega's lips part at the first touch of his tongue, a little noise falling out when they touch together. His hand slides back up Ai's thigh, smearing blue ink in its wake though neither of them takes much notice. He's surprised when he finds himself bearing Ai down onto the bed, breaking reluctantly away from his lips to nuzzle over his cheek with a hum instead, shifting to put his arm out to steady himself. His mouth slides down the swell of Ai's cheek, feeling his arm start to shake under his weight. Ai notices too quickly for him to cover it, sitting up halfway and sliding a hand up it with a worried sound.

“Sou?” He blinks when Sousuke grunts and rolls to the side, easing the weight off his injured shoulder. Still he shakes his head, tugging Ai back against him with a long sigh.

“I fucked my shoulder up a little,” he explains, petting a hand over the back of Ai's head, shrugging. “It's not serious, I just gotta go easy on it.”

Ai hums, his head leaning into Sousuke's slow strokes. Sousuke knows the omega well enough to realize he's listening to the heavy rain pound the roof. He's always found Ai's affinity for storms cute, if a little odd. His smile grows sleepy and Sousuke chuckles, thumb rubbing the back of his neck. “Want me to open the window?”

“Nah,” Ai nuzzles against Sousuke with a small giggle, his eyes drooping half-lidded. “You smell like rain anyway.”

His cheeks tinge pink like he's telling a secret and the alpha grins. There are differences in smell from person to person; to him Ai smells like cookies while it's vanilla to Rin. There's a boom of thunder outside and rather than making Ai jump, he yawns softly, looking up at Sousuke with a smile. “That's why I like storms.”

“You've always liked storms,” Sousuke rolls his eyes to cover for the way his heart jumps into his throat. Ai laughs, lacing their fingers together and leaning his head against Sousuke's good shoulder.

“They remind me of you,” he looks up when Sousuke blinks, shrugging softly, still blushing. “They're big and powerful; they scare other people, but it makes me feel safe because of you.”

Sousuke's face goes hot, snapping his eyes shut with an exaggerated groan, trying to ignore the fact that the simple comment has him quite literally blushing like an omega damsel. “You're embarrassing.”

Ai laughs, leaning up to nip the side of Sousuke's jaw, following it with a kiss to the bottom of his chin that finally gets Sousuke to open his eyes again. It feels easy, normal; like they've been this way their whole lives. He decides then that he's going to make the feeling stick. He draws his fingers down Ai's side, remembering the bruises blooming dark over his skin and shaking his head. “I'm not letting someone hurt you again.”

Ai blinks his eyes open, fighting sleep. He looks for a moment like he wants to argue but instead squeezes their hands tighter together and nods. “Don't make your shoulder worse.”

“I won't,” he promises easily. He's not worried about it to begin with. It seems like a small price to pay for keeping a smile on Ai's face where it belongs, for no more bruises that he tries to hide, for no one to make him feel so battered and sad that he wants to hurt himself. Lightning flashes through the curtain, followed by another resounding boom of thunder.

“Hey Sou,” his voice is sluggish, sleep closing in the rest of the way. His eyes are almost closed and he's clinging the jacket around him like a blanket. “What are we?”

“This,” Sousuke shrugs, lifting their laced fingers for a moment. Ai settles closer, nuzzling at Sousuke's neck and sighing in contentment. “It's whatever you want.”

“I like this,” he giggles quietly, nodding his head. His voice is fuzzy but certain, eyes falling closed like he's helpless to keep them open. Sousuke smiles, kissing the omega's temple while he slides into sleep.

 

He wakes up what must be hours later to shouting. Ai is still fast asleep on his chest and he slowly recognizes the voice as his moms. He pushes himself off the bed, ignoring the stiff protest of his shoulder. He's still wearing his now wrinkled school uniform when he makes his way quickly to the living room, squinting at the change in light.

Both voices stop when he walked out, Ai's father glaring sharply at him from the doorway. He frowns slightly in return, glancing at his mom before drawing in a slow breath. “Ai decided to come over this afternoon and we fell asleep.”

It's apparently not a sufficient answer because Mitsuo's face goes even redder. Sousuke rolls his shoulders, trying to swallow down the instinct to push them back and make himself look even larger, pushing his fingers back through his hair. “I'm not going to stop being friends with him.”

Mitsuo opens his mouth around a shout, but it dies when Sousuke lowers his head until his chin touches his chest, slumping his shoulders tightly inwards. The submission makes his blood burn, but he pushes his pride back down, speaking slowly and keeping his eyes trained on the ground. “I've never done anything to hurt him, and I wouldn't. I want your permission to court him.”

Strictly speaking he doesn't need it. Ai's parents don't have the right to decide suitors for him since the family doesn't have an alpha, but it was the polite thing to do. He freezes like that, holding the submissive posture. He can feel Mitsuo gaping at him still when Miki pats his arm softly.

“Why don't you go wake Ai up honey-- give Nitori-san a minute to come out of shock,” she sounds amused and he lifts his head to her approving nod. He decides against saying anything else, straightening and walking back to his room with even strides. He leans over the bed and shakes Ai's shoulder gently, smiling when his eyes flutter open.

“Hey, you gotta get dressed, your Dad's here,” he keeps his voice low and Ai yawns, frowning before nodding and sliding off the bed. Sousuke swallows, looking away when he slides the jacket off to put his clothes back on. Sousuke hands it to him again, laughing when Ai pulls it on immediately. “I'm not getting that back, am I?”

“Just until I can get you to scent mark mine,” Ai giggles, zipping it up again and letting the cuffs hang off his hands. Sousuke doesn't mention that it's slightly too small now anyway, rolling his eyes then hesitating.

“I um, asked your Dad for permission,” he starts awkwardly, frowning as Ai turns around wide-eyed, scratching the back of his head. “I just wanna make him trust me again.

“Permission?” Ai cocks his head, smiling coyly up at him and nudging his toes into the floor. “Permission for what?”

Sousuke gives him a little shove out the door for that, rolling his eyes and snorting. “Don't be an ass.”

Ai giggles, walking ahead of him, the smile on his face unwavering. Mitsuo seems to have recovered, looking at Ai with a heavy frown. The omega digs his hands into the pockets of the jacket, slumping slightly. “I meant to be home on time.”

“You're not supposed to be here at all,” he sighs, shaking his head. He looks surprised when Ai tilts his chin up defiantly, throat bobbing around a nervous swallow.

“I'm not gonna stop seeing Sousuke,” his voice comes out strong, but Sousuke can tell it's a struggle for him. He brushes his fingers against the back of Ai's arm but stays quiet, standing close to him. “He's my best friend and he hasn't done anything wrong.”

Mitsuo sighs and for a moment Sousuke worries that he's going to continue with not believing either of them, but he glances at Miki and softens. “I'll give you my permission, but I don't want you to bond until you're 18.”

Ai blinks twice before a smile breaks wide and vibrant over his face and Sousuke's face lights red just looking at it. He can't help but think that he would be jealous of anything else in the world that Ai smiles at like that and he chuckles weakly when the omega launches himself to hugging his father, mumbling words that he can't make out. Mitsuo softens immediately, hugging him back and patting his shoulder, forcing out a sigh that sounds entirely faked. Ai unlatches after a moment, turning and hugging Miki as well. She gives him a gentle nudge after a moment, nodding. “Now be good and let your Dad take you home... no more sneaking out.”

“Yes ma'am,” he answers brightly. Sousuke expects a hug when Ai turns to him, and for a moment he gets it before the omega leans up on his toes and presses their lips delicately together, dropping again just before Sousuke's brain stops short-circuiting. He lets Mitsuo shuffle him out without further complaint, leaving Sousuke standing there and wondering if he even returned Ai's promise to call tomorrow. Miki looks up at him with a shake of her head and a laugh.

“Here I didn't think you could blush,” she smirks, raising an eyebrow at his red cheeks and seeming far too pleased. He huffs, turning away to try and cover it, aware it's already too late.

“He's embarrassing,” he grumbles, failing to put bite into a single syllable. She laughs when he presses his hand over his eyes, dropping it and actually managing not to groan.

“You handled that well,” she says once he's slightly more composed, humming in approval. “I'm proud of you.”

“T-thanks,” he smiles, rubbing the back of his neck slowly. At least that doesn't make him blush too, even if his heart feels too big for the constraint of his chest.

“Mitsuo made that rule with me, so I don't want any complaining in six months,” she crosses her arms with a huff, looking him straight in the eye in the way that makes him feel like he's ten and in trouble every time. “I'm too young for grandbabies, understand?”

This time he does groan, hanging his head and walking back to his room with a sigh, not giving her the grace of an answer to that question. It's the first time in weeks that he's been able to smell traces of Ai on his pillow and he falls asleep with a grin fixed on his face.

 

He manages all the way to the very end of the rest period he's required to take from swimming before he ducks out of class early to change before anyone else can get there to yell at him. He makes it to the starting block before there's a resounding shout from behind him.

“Oi! Yamazaki, get offa there!” It's Sejiuurou, unsurprisingly with Rin two steps behind him snickering at Sousuke for getting caught. He pulls the goggles off with a sigh, crossing his arms but not moving.

“It's one day early,” he shakes his head, frowning when Sejiuurou more emphatically gestures at the ground. His shoulder has been fine through physical therapy for the last two weeks, it's not like swimming a few laps is going to kill him. Rin's barely restraining his laughter and Sousuke does think of stepping down just to throw him in the pool.

“You aren't cleared for pool time yet. You can either help out or go home,” Sejiuurou pauses, narrowing his eyes when Sousuke hops off the block with a sigh. “And I mean home, not to go bother the Sano team during their practice.”

“I didn't bother anyone,” he grumbles defensively and this time Rin does bark out a laugh, raising an eyebrow and shaking his head.

“Gou said you come and watch like twice a week,” he grins wider and Sousuke looks away with a shrug, snorting.

“I might as well be helping someone,” he doesn't really feel the need to explain who or why. Ai has always appreciated the extra coaching, and he's already pulling ahead of his times before his hiatus from swimming. Sousuke goes over to walk home with him every day anyway, it's just as easy to be there already. Rin rolls his eyes, a satisfied look crossing his face.

“You can last until you get cleared,” Sejiuurou's tone isn't leaving room for more of their bickering and he tosses a spare stopwatch at Sousuke with a roll of his eyes, trailing off to talk with someone else. He turns to time Rin through his warm-up laps, leaning on the starting block when the other alpha climbs out to stretch.

“Did you pick up a costume for the party at Haru's?” He raises an eyebrow, chuckling when Sousuke rolls his eyes. The whole Halloween party had been Nagisa's idea to begin with, and he'd roped Ai into doing some kind of matched costume with him. Sousuke hadn't planned on coming dressed up at all and just dealing with Nagisa's extremely vocal disappointment.

“Didn't really think about it. Did you?” He sighs when Rin nods his head, kicking at his ankle. “You should protest dressing up with me.”

“No way! I found something perfect,” he leans more fully into his stretch, shrugging. “Besides it's Halloween, don't be lame.”

“Ugh, I'll borrow one of the butler costumes from the club,” he assents after a moment and Rin nods with a laugh, pushing himself back to his feet.

“Good plan! Now to put you back to work,” he turns to wink and this time Sousuke really does push him into the pool, not feeling at all bad when Rin splutters back to the surface. Even when Sejiuurou yells at them to quit goofing off. It's one of the few days when he doesn't duck out to walk home with Ai, since he's going to Haru's with Nagisa and Rei, instead he sneaks himself into the back storage room and grabs the costume that looks like it'll fit, stuffing it into his bag before turning back to the locker room to change into his clothes.

Rin and the rest are already changed when he makes it out, Rin managing to at least look slightly put out by his apparent tardiness. It's compounded by the absolutely ridiculous devil costume he has on, which serves as a perfect reminder of why Sousuke isn't a fan of the holiday. Makoto has a firefighters uniform that looks too heavy to actually be comfortable, and Haru hasn't done anything except put on an apron and a chef's hat. Sousuke ignores the glare Rin gives him, glancing at his phone screen before looking up with a small smirk. “You ready to go?”

Rin snorts, opening his mouth like he plans to argue, but Sejiuurou claps him roughly on the back, stopping the two of them before they get started, laughing loudly. “Of course!”

 

The party is probably a much larger affair than Haru wanted. Somehow Nagisa and Ai are already inside by the time they get there, the front door is unlocked and they've posted a variety of decorations around the living room. There's the usual fare of twisted black and orange streamers hung over the doors and a pair of pumpkins sitting on the porch, but it's all interspersed with strangely gruesome skulls and sticky pools of drying fake blood spread out over the cheap tablecloths. Haru looks distinctly unamused and Ai rubs the back of his head as soon as he catches the stare, frowning.

“Nagisa-kun had a very certain idea of how to decorate,” his nervous ruffling bumps into the cat ears on his head, knocking them askew and making Sousuke laugh softly, reaching a hand over to fix them. He doesn't miss the stack of horror movies strewed on the table either, or Ai's tiny grimace at them.

At least the cat outfit is cute, though Sousuke suspects that it's something Nagisa picked out entirely, complete with a tail that somehow manages to stand up in the air, all the fur matching Ai's hair color with surprising accuracy. He's hoping changing into his own borrowed costume will be forgotten in Haru's sudden drive to find and possibly do away with Nagisa for the mess of glitter spread out over his counter.

“He went to the store with Rei because you don't have any of the strawberry soda he likes,” Ai supplies with a long-suffering sigh, swatting at Sousuke bending his tail with apparent fascination, looking over his shoulder with a tiny frown. “You're not even wearing a costume!”

“It's in my bag,” he grumbles, catching Ai's hand when it swats at him again, lifting it up and pressing a kiss to each knuckle. It's not enough of a distraction because Ai shoves him in the direction of the bathroom, laughing.

“Go put it on before everyone gets here!” He scolds and Sousuke complies reluctantly, choosing to ignore Rin's laughter when Haru barks at him to either help or move out of the way. It takes him longer than he'd like to figure his way into the costume but when he steps out wearing it Ai grins like mad and leans up on his toes to fix the small tie at his neck. “You're gonna get in trouble for stealing this.”

“Probably,” he grins, glancing around before leaning in and stealing a kiss while Ai is leaned on his toes. Nagisa comes crashing back in a few minutes later, somehow managing to avoid a scolding from Haru about the state of the kitchen and wrangle everyone into one of his horror movies. Sousuke winds up crunched on the couch with Ai perched in his lap, aware that they'll make it less than halfway in before he needs somewhere to hide from the screen.

 

He's honestly shocked when Ai falls asleep somewhere during the movie marathon, head pillowed on his shoulder and mouth hanging slightly open. He can hear Makoto talking in a low voice to Haru, interrupted occasionally by his cringes at the movie that no one is really watching at this point. Instead Sousuke curls a lock of Ai's hair around his finger and smiles, fixing the cat ears once again, settling deeper into the couch and starting to close his eyes as well. Ai stirs slightly, looking up at him with sleep bleary eyes. “Hey, Sou?”

“Hmm?” He hums, stroking his hand up and down Ai's arm and lifting an eyebrow curiously, hoping he didn't wake the omega by moving too much. Ai smiles, closing his eyes and nuzzling closer.

“I love you,” he purrs, voice soft and breathy with fingers of sleep still clinging to it. Despite having heard it before Sousuke still flushes and turns his head away a little, squeezing his arm tighter around Ai's back and nodding his head.

“Yeah, I love you too.”


	12. i fear you won't, i fear you don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ai opens his mouth to answer, thinks about pushing it off the way he has for weeks. He could just say he's fine, that it isn't anything. Instead what slips out is; “I'm scared.”
> 
> Sousuke's body tenses almost instantly, his shoulders drawing tight, going from absently smiling to a frown carving over his face. It surprises Ai, the sudden reminder that other people look at this expression and think of Sousuke as being scary. He knows Sousuke too well not to read him differently; there's worry knit between the alpha's eyes, his muscles tensing and flexing like just the admission that the omega is afraid of something will conjure some kind of enemy that he has to fight, pitched slightly forwards but still holding his hand with gentle fingers. Ai doesn't see anything he would call scary, feeling the soft clench of Sousuke's hand around his. “Why? Is there something wrong?”

With Nationals looming less than a week in the future, a familiar kind of darkness started creeping into Ai's thoughts, stretching long fingers through his mind. It was worse that it wasn't the competition that scared him; when he pictured stepping on the block to swim his part of the relay he felt sure, resolute, they were going to win.

It was the aftermath that made him feel cold down to his bones. They would all swim, and they would win, and then Sousuke was going to leave for school. It wasn't immediately after, Ai knew there was still time, that he should be enjoying the warm wrap of Sousuke's fingers laced through his as they walked home. Sousuke glances down at him and tilts an eyebrow upwards, giving his hand a small squeeze. “What's up?”

Ai opens his mouth to answer, thinks about pushing it off the way he has for weeks. He could just say he's fine, that it isn't anything. Instead what slips out is; “I'm scared.”

Sousuke's body tenses almost instantly, his shoulders drawing tight, going from absently smiling to a frown carving over his face. It surprises Ai, the sudden reminder that other people look at this expression and think of Sousuke as being scary. He knows Sousuke too well not to read him differently; there's worry knit between the alpha's eyes, his muscles tensing and flexing like just the admission that the omega is afraid of something will conjure some kind of enemy that he has to fight, pitched slightly forwards but still holding his hand with gentle fingers. Ai doesn't see anything he would call scary, feeling the soft clench of Sousuke's hand around his. “Why? Is there something wrong?”

Ai smiles softly, weakly, squeezing Sousuke's hand in return and shaking his head. He regrets bringing it up at all, especially after promising himself that it could wait. He wants to simply enjoy these times they have. He asks anyways because he's given up on hiding a long time ago, drawing a deep breath to steady himself. “It's not-- I'm scared of you going away.”

“Oh,” Sousuke blinks but doesn't relax. Ai is surprised when he stops walking, tugging the omega to a stop as well. He's still frowning, lifting a hand up and stroking the side of his cheek with his head tilted slightly. He looks like he's searching for the right thing to say, cupping his hand around Ai's face gently.

“I just--” Ai frowns at himself, looking down at the pavement and closing his eyes for a second, leaning into the warmth of Sousuke's fingers against his cheek. He swallows, shaking his head slowly. “Do you remember when you were eleven and forgot to tell me you were going to summer camp for a few weeks?”

Sousuke nods slowly, brow furrowing like he's struggling to follow the train of thought. Ai lifts his free hand, gesturing like he's trying to pluck the words that he wants out of thin air like the fireflies flickering just out of reach. “And I was scared that you left and you weren't going to come back.”

“You know I'm coming back,” he responds softly, sliding his hand from the omega's cheek to rub the back of his neck. Ai nods, squeezing his eyes closed and leaning his forehead lightly against the center of his chest. Sousuke squeezes his hand again, rubbing his back. “It's not like it's a surprise this time.”

“I know,” Ai shakes his head slowly, not lifting it up. He doesn't know how to put into words what he's truly scared of; that Sousuke will leave and figure out that there are things in life he wants more. He frowns to himself, curling his fingers in Sousuke's shirt and breathing in his scent slowly. He wishes there was something more concrete than the small whale shark pendant hanging from a necklace. He doesn't want to ask, doesn't want to have to hear it again and again that Sousuke does love him, that he isn't going to go to school and forget, isn't going to realize that he doesn't need the burden of endlessly courting his childhood friend, not even able to fully bond yet. 

Sousuke pauses and sighs quietly, his thumb tracing the bumps of Ai's spine over his shirt. “Tell me what you're worried about, love.”

Ai picks his head up slowly, biting his lip and squeezing Sousuke's shirt tighter between his fingers, his voice wobbling as it comes out. “Are you really gonna love me if I'm gone?”

Sousuke, surprisingly, doesn't frown at the question. Instead, he leans forward and presses his lips against Ai's forehead, nodding his head with a sound that could be a laugh or a sigh, mostly just a breath passing through him into the air. The omega is almost envious of his easy certainty, that Sousuke somewhere along the line made up his mind about the two of them and never had to question it again. He might resent it if he didn't need so badly to feel sure himself. 

They stay like that for a long moment, quiet wrapped around them and Ai lets himself believe that he can stay in this exact position forever if he just doesn't open his eyes. He doesn't want to let go of Sousuke, to wake up and face another year without him. The thought alone makes his heart pound and pressed so close Sousuke doesn't miss it. His hand lifts away from Ai's back, moving instead to rest where his shoulder meets with his neck, stroking the pale skin there slowly. It's simple, possessive, makes Ai shiver slowly.

“I want you to be mine,” is what Sousuke settles on, shifting to kiss the spot gently instead. Ai swallows and nods, keeping his tight grip on Sousuke exactly the same. He wants it too, even if the reminder hasn't cleared all the darkness out of his mind. He's sure that it will always lurk there, no matter how many times Sousuke cups his face and stares for a silent heartbeat before kissing him, no matter how many people he nearly breaks for having anything against Ai to say. People still whisper, call him Sousuke's dog for the way he always seems to be following a step behind. Ai doesn't fight, and mostly he keeps it to himself, they aren't wrong anyways.

“I know,” he answers back quietly because that's true too. Even if he has to add 'for now' in his head, even if doubt keeps eating at him. Sousuke has proven him wrong before, Ai is trusting that he can do it again.

 

They walk home, they go to nationals, they win. Sousuke pulls him out of the water with a beam on his face and kisses him before he can even pull his cap or goggles off. Ai doubts things a little less.

 

They pick through old memories while Sousuke packs up for school, Ai sitting on the bed with a yearbook from elementary school spread out in front of him, giggling madly at a picture of Sousuke and Rin glaring at each other from different lanes of the pool. He's there too, tucked just to the side with a smile on his face, feet kicking in the water. He smiles, lifting it up and nudging Sousuke's attention from trying to put clothes into boxes.

“Sou, lookit!” He giggles, aware that he's significantly less help than desired. The sheets have been stripped off the bed, but Ai has still covered it in small things that he wants Sousuke to see; yearbooks, goofy notes from Ai that he's kept tucked away in a desk drawer, the jumbled card the whole pack had made him when he turned 18. Sousuke lifts his head, rolling his eyes and laughing softly.

“What this time?” He cocks his head, taking the yearbook and grinning before handing it back, poking the center of Ai's forehead. “You're supposed to be here to help.”

“I am helping,” he defends archly, going back to flipping through the pages of black and white pictures with a hum. “I'm gracing you with my company.”

“Oh geez, thanks,” Sousuke grumbles, chuckling when Ai sticks his tongue out. Ai's going with him and Sousuke's mother when they drive him to move into his dorm tomorrow, but he's trying to keep it out of his mind. He can be sad on the hour long ride back when Miki will probably cry with him and offer to stop for milkshakes; now it's time to actually spend with Sousuke.

He leans over the edge of the bed, running his fingers through the alpha's black hair with a hum, looking down at the box full of neatly folded clothes. He rests his chin on Sousuke's shoulder from behind, nuzzling under his ear. “Packing is boring.”

“You're not even doing any,” he grumbles, shaking his head with a soft laugh. He doesn't try to shrug Ai off, instead turning his head and kissing the omega's temple gently. “I'll be done quicker if you help.”

Ai frowns and continues picking through photos with a small frown, wondering if he sneaks out all the boxes in the middle of the night then Sousuke will be forced to stay and hunt for them. He makes his form of protest determinedly not helping, ignoring Sousuke chuckling quietly at his petulance.

They sleep on Sousuke's bed without sheets that night, curled up in a pile with a single pillow. Sousuke takes the pillow, letting Ai use his chest instead, stroking his hands warm and slow up Ai's back. The omega squeezes his eyes tightly shut, taking slow breaths to try and stem the tears prickling the back of his eyes. It must show somehow because Sousuke lifts his head off the pillow, frowning and tilting Ai's chin up softly.

“I'll be home again in three weeks,” he offers quietly, rolling them both to the side so he can look down at Ai easier, stroking a circle around his temple. “And you know we'll talk every day.”

Ai nods, letting his eyes skitter away to try and hide the thick layer of tears in them. The mattress creaks and Sousuke presses his face into Ai's hair, breathing in slowly. “I'm gonna miss you too, my love.”

“I know,” he answers, squeezing his hand into a small fist. It's the first time Sousuke has actually said it out loud, but he always makes things more obvious with actions than words. There's the vibration of Sousuke crooning into his hair, lulling and slow, not carrying any particular melody but still easing Ai's whole body into sleep.

 

They haven't pulled more than fifty feet away from Sousuke's dorm building when Ai curls up in the seat and starts crying, one of Miki's hands lifting away from the wheel to rub slowly over his shoulder. The seat still smells like the alpha and Ai leans his head against it, snuffling a little greedily, worrying his teeth into his lip. There's already a message from Sousuke on his phone, chirping brightly from his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant for this to be longer; I meant for this to be a lot of different things and cycled maybe 6 different drafts, but after a lot of cutting and rewriting, these are the words that sum up everything I want to say with this epilogue, I just don't know what that is. Thank you for coming on this terribly sad journey with me.


End file.
